With what tenderness and endless happiness parents greet their newborn child. How cute and helpless he is. It seems that he will always need parental care.
But time is fleeting and very soon, as the baby grows, his capabilities also grow. By the age of two, the desire to be as independent as possible appears. However, this is not so simple, because he constantly has to face certain boundaries - parental prohibitions, which may one day provoke a child’s protest.
Peculiarities of child behavior at 2-3 years old
Parents practically do not encounter the problem of disobedience until the baby is two years old. According to psychologists, after the age of two, a child’s personality is formed. The child begins to consciously express dissatisfaction and test the parents’ strength.
At the age of three, the restructuring of the baby’s relationship with his parents and the world around him begins. Pediatricians and psychologists call this period the “three-year crisis.” The child increasingly says “no” and perceives parents’ proposals negatively, even if he loves this activity. This stage lasts 3-4 months, and with competent behavior of mom and dad, it gradually passes, the baby becomes obedient and controllable.
A naughty child is not a tragedy, and such behavior can be corrected. Pediatricians identify seven reasons for child disobedience. Let's look at each and find out what to do if the baby does not obey his parents.
The main reasons for disobedience in two-year-olds
A growing child's behavior always changes; this is an axiom that one should come to terms with. But the severity of negative reactions largely depends on the characteristics of upbringing, hereditary predisposition and type of temperament. The onset of “naughty” behavior does not have strict boundaries and fluctuates significantly.
Psychologists note that from about two years old, the baby enters a “period of protest.” The categorical word “no” appears in his vocabulary, sounding in response to every request and proposal of an adult. Wash your hands! - No! Put away the toys! - No! Simple instructions and wishes cause furious discontent.
The parents get the impression that the child has been replaced. Repetitions, spanking and screaming do not have a pronounced effect. Mommies are physically and psychologically exhausted in the daily “war”, and are also tormented by feelings of guilt. After all, you can’t spank children, but you can’t restrain yourself.
It is important to understand! It is impossible to jump over the protest period in the development of a child’s personality. In this way he learns about the world around him. However, you can reduce the number of conflict situations by reacting correctly, being patient, and preventing bouts of stubborn behavior
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Excessive curiosity
This behavior is typical for children as young as two years old, but it also occasionally occurs in older children. At this age, the “internal barrier” is only being formed, the child is only accumulating experience. Of course, after a year the baby already understands the word “impossible,” but he does not listen to it every time.
With this problem, it is important to talk with the baby, explain the meaning of words, and actively teach him to speak. When the baby begins to speak syllables and words, to understand the meaning of words, read the link.
The more words the baby knows, the easier it is to explain to him what can and cannot be done. But be prepared that a conversation with a two-year-old child will not be as effective as you would like. Since a child at this age does not always understand what is required of him.
When talking, try not to scream or lash out at your baby. You need to be patient and explain the same thing several times. Screaming will only scare the baby and will not lead to the desired result. Include actions in your explanations, turn it into a game. If your baby has scattered things and toys, race to collect the items together.
Lack of attention
Children often cry, act up and misbehave when they want to get their parents' attention. For every baby at any age, the attention of mom and dad is important. Try to spend more time with your children. After all, many things can be done together. Eat and walk together, do exercises and watch TV together, listen to music together. Read books, play and talk with your baby more often.
Children need attention and communication. Communication with parents is the basis of the emotional and psychological development of children. It is also important to understand that if you miss raising a child at 2-3 years old, it will be difficult to establish a connection between parents and children in the future.
Rules for communicating with a 2-year-old child
A child aged two years especially needs understanding from family and friends. If he is capricious and does not obey, you need to ask him himself why he does this. Often this helps him to realize that he is wrong.
So, if after playing the child does not collect his toys, you can collect them in a box and temporarily hide them. After a while he will realize that he may lose all his favorite toys. If he shows excessive interest in breakable items in the closet, then you just need to put them out of reach. In case of unreasonable whims, parents can simply go to another room. After some time, the baby, having calmed down, will follow them. You shouldn’t pay attention to him until the hysteria stops.
In order for a 2-year-old child to obey his parents, experts advise them to adhere to three basic rules:
- It makes no sense to punish a child under 3 years old. Until this age, they still do not realize why they received the punishment. Therefore, at this age it is better to prefer the path of a detailed explanation of his behavior.
- Consistency is important when communicating with a two-year-old child. That is, if he is not allowed to jump from the sofa, then even in the best frame of mind of his parents, he should not be allowed to do this. Otherwise, he will simply be offended, because the child will not understand why what was possible yesterday is no longer possible today.
- You need to communicate with your child on equal terms. He cannot be insulted or humiliated even for breaking dishes.
But in some cases, a 2-year-old child may become hysterical for no reason. In this case, he should be allowed to cry to his heart's content. It is possible that his nervous system is overloaded and needs to be discharged.
Checking parents' reactions
A common cause of bad behavior in children of any age. At 2-3 years old, a child explores the world and sometimes chooses this path to find a suitable way to communicate with dad and mom. The kid wants to know what will happen if he doesn’t do what his parents ask.
In this case, pediatricians also recommend waiting and enduring this period. You need to react to disobedience calmly. At the same time, it is important not to be led and not to rush to fulfill every whim. Make it clear that you hear and understand the child, but cannot comply with the request at this time. Be consistent and insist on your own! After some time, the baby will get tired of provoking you, he will lose interest in it.
Lack of motivation to fulfill requirements
It is not enough to simply demand something from children; you need to motivate and explain the requests. The child must understand why he is doing something. This does not mean that he will receive toys or sweets for every correct action. You need to clearly explain to your child why he should behave this way.
Explaining to a child why to do something can be difficult. First, explain this to yourself in an accessible form. Think about what motivates you to do this or that action. Use words whose meaning is clear and accessible to the baby. Look for what benefits you can get from this or that action.
For example, the requirement to “clean up the room so that there is order” is incomprehensible to a child. And few people understand at 2-3 years old what the word “order” means. Explain to your child that if he puts the soft toys in their places, there will be more space in the room for playing with blocks. Or that if he doesn't throw clothes around, there's no need to waste time cleaning. Instead, you can play or draw.
Parenting with a twig?
At the age of two, children increasingly show their character, as if they are testing their parents’ strength, defining for themselves the limits of what is permitted. A disobedient child is a problem for parents. Of course, the rod is a useless teacher, even if it is “only used to scare.”
The child’s ability to obey (or more precisely, to control his behavior) is developed in completely different ways. Just as a physical educator begins training with simple exercises, obedience should be trained starting with easy tasks that are feasible for the child. You cheerfully and affably tell him: “Come to me!” and beckon him. If he immediately obeyed and came, pick him up, throw him up (children love this very much), caress him, praise him.
If the child does not go right away, say more cheerfully: “Run to me, stomp, stomp!” “Top-top” is an element of the game, this is your help to the child. Pet him, praise how well he can “stomp.” Repeat this first “exercise” in the science of obedience more often, developing a kind of reflex “I’m calling, I’m coming.”
Let's assume this situation: you say: “Flow the flowers.” The child doesn’t want to, his obedience is “in doubt.” We need to help him - and you continue to say, as if not noticing his reluctance: “Look how thirsty the flowers are. To the mug, go quickly and pour it!” If you notice that your words are not working, say: “Let’s go water together, you will help me.”
If you need your child to do something beyond his mental strengths (for example, you need to go for a walk, but he is captivated by a new game), then help him - tell him about what interesting things he can see in the yard.
Some parents will object that there is often no time for all these distractions and switching. This is not true. It is easier to spend a few minutes on a distraction than much more time fussing with a screaming and opposing child.
A large number of prohibitions
Many parents sin by prohibiting too much and demanding too much. Even if a child is obedient, quiet and calm, he often hears “no” and “no”. Moreover, some parents even limit their children’s creative development. Every person, even such a small one, simply runs out of patience.
Do not suppress the desires and manifestations of children! If your baby wants to play with blocks, don't force him to draw. Don't punish your baby if he wants to wear a green sweater rather than a red one. Reconsider your approach to parenting, prohibit less and encourage your child for the desire to do something, for independence and for showing positive qualities.
Parents demand things they don't do themselves.
The big mistake parents make is that they often themselves do not do what they require from their children. Children aged 2-3 years repeat after their parents, take an example from mom and dad. Moreover, at this age they do it without reason. Why should they do something that you don't?
Analyze the “sore spots” in the child’s behavior with your own behavior. If you rarely clean your apartment, you should not demand order in your room from your baby. If you don't do exercises in the morning, then neither will your children.
Remember that personal example is a powerful motivator and educational tool! When you demand something from your baby, use this argument as an explanation. Tell your child that if he wants to be like mom or dad, he should do the same.
What not to do
If a child at 2 years old seems to have been replaced and he has turned from a once calm, obedient child into an intolerable whim, then parents should understand that some of their actions can aggravate the situation.
You must not lose your composure and try to calm your child by raising your voice at him.
, since this will lead to an absolutely undesirable effect and provoke even greater irritation and aggression in him, which in turn will increase the anger of the parents. Thus, the psyche of both parties will suffer. During disobedience and hysterics, you need to communicate very carefully and calmly with the child; this will be much more effective than frightening him with a raised angry voice.
Children under two years of age should not be subjected to harsh punishments
. This is due to their development, which does not allow them to fully realize the severity of their guilt, and if they are guilty in the morning, and the punishment overtakes them in the evening, they may completely forget about their disobedience. Therefore, punishing a child can only make the situation worse. The best solution would be to remove in advance those things that could become a reason for punishment, for example, a glass vase or plate standing in sight that the baby can easily reach, and in order to avoid trouble, such things should be put away in the closet. If, when visiting a store, a child is capricious and asks to buy a toy right away, you should not take him shopping with you next time in order to avoid unnecessary hysterics. Such measures will be instructive for the two-year-old and will not leave his misdeeds unpunished.
Under no circumstances, be it hysteria or disobedience, should you stoop to humiliating your child
, because at this age he develops a perception of himself as an individual, and, therefore, he is worthy of respect. By insulting a child at two years old, you can later get the same actions on his part towards other children.
Contradictions between mom and dad will also do a disservice in the educational process
. When dad punished for disobedience, and mom immediately forgave, the child will very quickly draw conclusions for himself and find the most suitable way out of situations that are uncomfortable for him. The result will not please either parent, since the baby will stop obeying both. Therefore, it is better to coordinate your educational measures.
Another “don’t” includes discussing children’s behavior in the presence of strangers.
. The child may become complex. It is better not to wash dirty linen in public, but to solve the problem in private. The main thing, while remaining calm, is to try to explain to the naughty little one what is good and what is bad, but so that he understands the most important thing, that he is loved, understood and ready to help.
At two years old, our children learn about the world around them, and every day this world becomes more interesting and fascinating for them. And one of the primary tasks for adults is to help adapt to this world and build the right attitude for the child to the people around him. If you show your child maximum patience, attention and understanding, then hysterics and disobedience will become a much rare occurrence. Two years is a difficult, but at the same time a wonderful period that should be cherished and enjoyed, because time is fleeting, it will not happen again!
Mistrust of parents
This reason for bad behavior does not appear at 2-3 years old, it appears after four years. If earlier children consider themselves guilty of reproaches from their parents, then after 4-6 years they begin to understand that parents can also be wrong. For example, if the mother is used to “taking it out” on the child or the father often punishes unfairly. As a result, children lose trust in their parents, and disobedience becomes purposeful.
In this case, parents need to adjust their behavior, reconsider the methods and forms of education, carefully consider and analyze the current situation, identify and correct mistakes. A suitable option for solving this problem would be to contact a family psychologist to restore the former trust in parents.
To avoid such a problem, you need to correctly build behavior at an early age of the baby. Try to be fair and calm. Talk to your child and explain what and how to do correctly and do not take your anger out on the children.
What to do if your child doesn't listen
- Determine the reason for this behavior. To do this, ask leading questions, such as “Why don’t you want to eat this soup?”, “Maybe you will eat porridge instead of soup?”, “Isn’t this soup tasty?” etc.;
- Offer an alternative. If the child doesn’t want to draw, offer to play; if he doesn’t want to eat soup, offer a second course, etc.;
- Explain to your child what you want clearly and understandably. Use simple words and phrases. Learn to negotiate with your baby;
- Speak calmly and do not shout, do not use a commanding tone or show power, and do not try to suppress the child with force or authority. It is important that the baby does not “close himself” from his parents;
- Child psychologists do not recommend punishing children under three years of age, since they do not understand why they are being punished.;
- Be consistent and keep your promises. Introduce a few permanent prohibitions that neither parents nor children should violate. For example, do exercises every morning;
- If you were wrong, punished your child unfairly or “lost it,” be sure to apologize!;
- Don't forget to show your child that you love him, even if he has done something bad. Explain that you are angry at the action or specific behavior, not at the behavior itself. Do not threaten your baby that you will stop loving him or leave him if he behaves badly!;
- If you punish a child, make sure he understands why. You should not punish your baby in the presence of other children or adults. Explain in private why he is wrong;
- Sometimes children at 2-3 years old cry and become hysterical for no apparent reason. This happens if the baby’s nervous system is overloaded. Just let him cry;
- Switch your baby's attention when he is very naughty or crying. However, this method is only suitable for children under 3-4 years old;
- Don't forget that you are an example for your children! Create a daily routine and stick to a schedule together;
- Praise your child, look for and develop his abilities, say “no” less.
Causes of conflicts with a two-year-old child
Already from the 2nd year of life, the word “no” is included in the vocabulary of every baby. Often he can pronounce it in response to every request from adults and even parents. Experts identify this period of development as the so-called “period of protest.” It can last up to three years and is expressed in constant manifestations of anger. In this case, the child may fall to the ground, scream, kick his legs and even swing at loved ones.
Parents must realize that it is simply impossible to avoid this formative time for the child. But everyone can reduce the number of conflicts. The fact is that all attacks of disobedience expect a corresponding external effect. Therefore, if the adults’ reaction is correct, then there will be no point in disobeying the child too much. In other words, the task of parents in communicating with their child comes down to preventing attacks of protest and stubbornness.
Usually a 2-year-old child does not obey in two cases:
- If he is forced to do something that he does not want by force.
- If he is forbidden to do what he wants.
Parents will be required, first of all, to be moderately demanding of both the child’s behavior and his actions. That is, in no case should one yield to him unnecessarily, but one should also not set unreasonably strict limits. In both cases, it is possible to provoke even greater disobedience on the part of a two-year-old child.
Sometimes, when a child at 2 years old does not obey, the parents do not know what to do. They simply do not understand that their baby is too spoiled. This can happen if parents do not allow everything, but the grandmother is permissive. This should not be allowed, since in the future this will lead to an egoist who is poorly adapted to life.
In addition, a 2-year-old child may be capricious and disobey simply because he is ill. Therefore, parents should always be attentive to the behavior of their baby.
