How to raise a boy correctly
The answer is very simple - first and foremost, by being loving, sensible and consistent, while also focusing on a few key areas of parenting.
Love and emotional needs
Regardless of the boy’s skills or inability, his achievements, he needs his father’s love and approval, even if he differs from other boys for the worse. Father's guidance and love open the door to trust and recognition for him. This increases his self-esteem. (Read about What Can Parents Do to Boost Their Child's Self-Esteem?)
Traditionally, it is believed that raising boys is more difficult than raising girls. From childhood, boys are scolded more, hugged less, and shown affection. They are treated more harshly, and obedience is demanded from them more than from girls.
Therefore, fathers should not be afraid to express their tender emotions towards their sons. Worry that in this case the boys will grow up to be sissies and weak people. On the contrary, the manifestation of love and approval increases their sense of security and self-confidence.
It should become common for a father to say: “I love you, son, I’m proud of you.” “I know you can, I’m sure you’ll do everything right.” “It didn’t work out today, it will work out tomorrow, because my son learns from mistakes, I also once made mistakes.” Hearing such sincere words of support and understanding, the boy/young man will try to live up to his father’s expectations or trust.
Remember , for boys, especially when they “fall”, it is important to hear words that will give them confidence that you continue to love them as your sons.
Prudence
A common mistake parents make is to treat their son like a child until he comes of age. All sorts of “musi-pusi; don't overwork yourself; Mom and Dad will do it for you; Better stay at home; You’ll get hurt, you’ll get overextended.”
As a result: parents distort the masculine nature in boys. This has a ricochet effect on the kind of person he grows up to be. And a twitchy semblance of a man grows up on all sides: an indecisive, afraid of everything, or a narcissistic young man.
In the old days, by the age of 23, a guy was already an independent man, capable of taking care of his family and protecting it. Today, by the age of 23, a male person often does not know what he wants, does not really know how to do anything, cannot feed himself, and many continue to live with their parents. There is no point in talking about taking care of someone, since he is not even really able to take care of himself
Therefore, do not deprive the boy of responsibility, let him learn to take responsibility for his actions. Let him gain experience, filling himself with bumps. This will help your son learn to make wise decisions and act wisely.
Subsequence
A child feels a sense of security when he is clearly sure that his parents always act consistently. When you are sure that parents “will not have seven Fridays a week,” that is, they will not constantly change their requirements. It’s even worse when they promise to punish for wrongdoing, but never do it. Then the kid gets used to the fact that he can get away with anything.
To raise your son correctly, you need to be consistent in punishment. For example, saying “yes” means “yes”, and “no” means “no”. Don't throw words into the wind. Having warned the boy about punishment for bad behavior, disobedience, and insolence, be sure to keep your word. The boy must clearly understand that he will have to personally answer for his actions to his father/mentor.
Areas to focus education on
Proud to be a man
Help the boy develop a sense of masculine dignity, for example, good pride that he is a man! From 7 to 16 years old is the most responsible period allotted to the father. This is the period when the son looks closely at his father, learning to imitate him in everything: his interests, actions, masculine behavior.
Today, fathers spend about one hour a day with their children. Whereas children, especially boys, need to be given a lot of male attention and time. How can one raise a boy to become a man if it is difficult for him to become someone he has no idea about? Therefore, the father is obliged to deal with his son as much as possible, passing on to him the experience of the correct actions of a real man.
An interesting example is the ancient Cossacks, where from the age of 7 boys were taken from their mother’s care into male society. It was believed that the son had grown to the age to begin to learn to adopt the experience of his father - a zealous owner and a courageous warrior. Who taught his son to fight, protect his family and passed on survival skills to him, for example, getting and preparing food for himself, and being able to navigate the terrain.
Watch the video of a psychologist's advice on raising boys. She gives a lot of advice that is needed today for raising boys.
The correct view of difficulties, success and work
The son must understand that success in life often comes through failure, that is, failure is the best teacher. When the boy sees that his dad failed at something, he suffered a fiasco, but at the same time he copes with it normally and courageously, then the son learns to understand that mistakes in life are inevitable. Sees that making mistakes is normal and life doesn’t end there.
He also learns to understand that a boy who is not afraid to make mistakes today will become a man tomorrow capable of overcoming great problems and difficulties. In addition, through the example of his father, he learns an important idea: you need to work hard, be diligent in order to achieve success in life.
Cultivate the right attitude towards leadership in the family
You may not become the boss at work or the head of the company, but you must be the head of your family. Your son needs to see the true understanding of leadership - caring for others, leading in solving problems and making good decisions. This is the ability to set the right life goals for the family and be an example in achieving them. This is an unwillingness to hide “behind your wife’s skirt”, but to take everything into your own hands.
When a boy sees that his father sets an example in all this, then the right foundation is laid for him for future leadership in his own family. If dad is just a figurehead, and mom makes all the decisions, then he will probably also adhere to a similar scheme.
You will find a lot of useful material in these articles: 25 Things Every Father Should Teach His Son. What is the secret to raising a child properly?
Raising a son by a father focuses on developing courage and determination
The boy must understand that with appropriate courage you will always reap good results when you want to achieve something. Shyness is good for those who don’t want to do anything, who don’t need anything. A determined man will not ask permission from others to achieve his goal, but will take action.
Moreover, he will not be a whiner or a wimp. He always faces problems with his head raised, but not guiltily lowered his head. He doesn’t give in to difficulties, but meets them by saying: “yes, I can do this!”
Gallant attitude towards women
Thanks to their fathers, boys learn about the correct attitude towards the opposite sex. Observing the relationship between his father and mother, he understands that women need to be treated with care and love. While chivalrous behavior is a sign of difference, it does not prove equality between the sexes. Opening doors for a lady, giving her a seat, helping her carry heavy bags is a sign of courtesy, politeness, and not weakness of a man.
Moreover, fathers demonstrate that even in the face of family conflicts, a man is able to behave with restraint with his wife. Thanks to his father, the son grows up with the necessary knowledge and foundation to create his future successful family.
Spiritual Needs
Contrary to popular belief, the vast majority of men believe in God, although they are not religious. They are practical in their faith, and want to have a real relationship with God, and not follow the lead of false, unscrupulous religious leaders.
Therefore, it will be correct to raise in your son an awareness of his spiritual needs and their proper satisfaction. When a father shows an example of faithfulness in fulfilling biblical principles and how this brings him joy and benefit, then the sons become infected with a similar desire to imitate their father.
Qualities that need to be laid down
A boy will not grow up on his own. Parental care, which consists of feeding and hygienic care, will not make a worthy man out of him. As a child grows up, it is necessary to instill in him certain habits, develop skills and knowledge. First of all, the father must do this.
At an early age, a boy receives from both parents a much-needed dose of love and tenderness, a sense of security, and a positive charge for life.
Thematic material:
- Books on raising boys
Then he obtains the necessary knowledge and develops his abilities. At this time, kindness and responsiveness should be cultivated in him, and the harmonious development of personality should be taught.
The father will help the boy to a greater extent not to get confused in adult life, to gain self-respect and responsibility, since for his son he is a model of an adult man.
The role of the father in raising his son
Be a role model
Fathers play an important role in the lives of their sons, being the main role models. The way they treat their sons can affect the rest of the boys' lives. This early pattern of interaction with the father will be projected onto their relationships with friends, schoolmates, work colleagues, and marriage partners.
This is the range of what boys will consider acceptable. Therefore, the father must be able to hammer a nail and cook porridge.
When a son sees that his father is a loving, strong man, knows how to control himself when faced with emergency situations, restrains himself, does not despair, provides support and protection to others, then the boy will adopt these qualities.
If a father, when faced with difficulties, loses control of himself, behaves offensively, is rude to his wife and children, while being emotionally weak, anxious or panicky, then the son is likely to become the same. He will follow the same scenario. As they say, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
Takes an active part in her son's life
Then the boy shows a higher level of intelligence, better academic performance, and improved social skills. By reading books to his son since childhood, he increases his vocabulary and cognitive skills. A father's influence helps a boy cope with the stress and disappointment that comes with education.
The absence of a father in the family often affects boys with higher rates of emotional problems, drug abuse or bad behavior.
Discipline your son when he feels it is necessary.
Thus, the boy learns to show respect for his authority. But this should not encourage fathers to resort to excessive punishment, abuse or cruelty, as this may develop a sense of fear in the boy.
Read 10 tips on how to properly discipline your child?
When a son is raised by a single mother
The role of a mother in raising her son is to take care of the boy’s sensory and emotional sphere.
If a woman is raising her son herself, she needs to find a male mentor for him: an uncle, grandfather or sports coach. Who for him can be a second dad, showing an example of the correct attitude towards the opposite sex, towards life, and will also adapt him to some men’s affairs.
When a man is a strong personality, the boy will begin to develop like him, taking an example from him. In all matters he will seek the approval of his father or mentor, copying the model of behavior that he observed in him.
It is important to understand that raising a son without the male help of a mother is extremely difficult, since it is not a woman’s destiny to raise men. As a rule, a mother lacks paternal strictness, which is very difficult for her to show to her son. Moreover, there are things that it is better for a boy to learn from a man’s point of view, for example, sex or a relationship with a girl.
Without a positive example of male behavior in front of them, boys easily copy a negative example. Since no one can better than a man educate or cultivate in a boy masculine qualities, skills or the right attitude towards certain things.
Afterword
In recent decades, the mistakes of would-be psychologists and pseudo-teachers, picked up by cinema, especially foreign ones, have tried to reconsider the model of raising true masculinity in boys. They distorted male traits, replacing caring for others, courage, perseverance, heroism and chivalry with narcissism, meanness, softness, weakness, obsession with sex and beer.
Pretense, metrosexuality, homosexuality or an uneducated “buffoon” - this is the male element that most often appears before the eyes of boys in youth TV series. To counteract this, you need to know how to raise a boy so that he later grows into a real man, and you need to do this correctly.
Remember, the role of parents, especially fathers, is to take responsibility for raising boys. Help them gain a proper understanding of masculinity.
Practical advice from a psychologist
A book on the psychological characteristics of raising children can also help parents. Several effective techniques from adults will help a boy grow up to be kind, responsible, and caring, as a future family man should be.
One of the methods by which you can instill important qualities: Fairytale therapy for preschoolers
If a child breaks toys, stains clothes, or fights, you shouldn’t get angry and pull him back every time, you just need to explain how bad it is. The time will come, and he will understand on his own, without pressure on him, that this cannot be done.
Any parent, especially a father, is obliged to know what is happening in the life of a child. This way you can support him and protect him from troubles.
A separate topic is teaching a future man to lose. After all, you won't always be the first. You can’t give up, be nervous, panic, you need to calmly react to a loss - this is what a boy must learn. Then he will grow up to be a worthy person.
Video: children's teacher and psychologist - Tatyana Shishkova will talk about raising men
