Consultation on the topic: 9 simple tips on how to teach your child to help around the house

The topic of children helping with housework is regularly discussed on parent forums. Opinions are very different: from “Let him study better, he will get better in life” to “I was taught in childhood, and I will teach.” For those who have not yet finally decided for themselves whether the child needs constant household responsibilities and whether he needs to be paid for household chores, here is advice from a psychologist.

“How not to turn children’s involvement in household chores into an endless confrontation with their parents? How to do this organically?

2-4 years

If you decide to accustom your baby to household chores, then it is better to start at such an early age. After all, it is at this time that the child’s desire to help his parents in their affairs arises on its own. And it is very important not to suppress it. When mom or dad say that it’s too early for him to do this and he’ll only ruin everything, they’re making a big mistake. They prefer to deal with the matter on their own and quickly, and will send the child away.

After this, it will be difficult to teach your baby to do anything when you want it. He will simply refuse, not knowing how to do anything and act as a team. As a result, you will have to constantly ask your child to do this or that work, remind him and even point him out. Some parents, out of desperation, start paying their children for housework.

A small child must learn things from an early age. Let these be the simplest tasks, which will become a prerequisite for something more in the future.

We need to remind you. What about paying?

Asking and reminding are two key concepts associated with the process of accustoming to housework. Very often, parents say that rather than remind their child ten times, it is better to do everything themselves. Not better! Otherwise, the child will very soon become comfortable being forgetful. Don’t be afraid to remind, sometimes you can even take the child by the hand and lead him along. You should not create illusions and hope that if children are forced to do housework more often, this will become a habit for them and they will no longer have to be reminded of it. If a child, in principle, is not inclined to responsibility, it is strange to expect that he will take household responsibilities seriously.

The older the child gets, the more serious assistance he can provide. But on the other hand, serious work requires more serious rewards. Can a child receive money for his work?

It seems to me that determining what work is worth paying for is very simple. If your child has done a job that you would have paid someone else to do anyway—for example, washing a car or filling out paperwork on a computer—then it may be possible to give the amount saved in this way as pocket money to your son or daughter. Of course, provided that the work is done well - as an employee would do it. But there are tasks that we distribute within the family and do not pay anyone for them: we cook, clean, take out the garbage. The mother is not paid for dinner, and the son is not paid for taking out the bucket.

I would like to emphasize one idea: work should in no case be given “as punishment”, otherwise it will be very difficult for the child to feel satisfaction from it. It is unlikely that a child who in childhood was forced to wash his socks if he forgot to put on slippers will ever develop a love for this activity. Punishment is by definition difficult and unpleasant. Moreover, punishment is always a requirement, not a request.

From 6 years

This is already old enough to regard a child as an independent person and a full-fledged member of the family. He can take part in many things. He must always maintain order in his room and get ready to go outside on his own.

Trust him to care for your pets and potted flowers. This will help him grow up to be a more independent person. He will be more confident.

Helping your child around the house: why?

Before we begin to accustom a child to housework, we must clearly understand what goal we are pursuing. Do we want the child to be able to serve himself in our absence; would gain the skills necessary for a future life; Or maybe we just want to make his life less comfortable?

Accustoming for the sake of accustoming or for the sake of some distant prospects is pointless. A child will always feel whether he is doing something necessary, or whether he is Cinderella, who was forced to select “white from brown” in order to occupy himself with something.

It’s another matter when mom says: we are a family and we share all the work. When you really need help around the house, when the child understands that this is a real deal, he easily and naturally learns to work. This is why, for example, children are more willing to participate in household chores if their mother is sick.

But if a child is forced to clean his room, when the au pair puts everything in order, this will only be an imitation of work, and children feel this very well. But if you ask your child to collect and sort books or CDs in the house before the helper arrives, this is real help.

Parents, before giving their child a task, should think about what kind of task they can be entrusted with so that it does not become just a game. Of course, the game itself is very good, but you shouldn’t mix it with real help. For example, a small child is not able to wash the dishes properly; for him it is a game, but arranging clean plates in the cupboard, putting forks and spoons into compartments is a real help. An important difference between a game and real help: they thank you for help, but not for the game.

Advantages of labor education

A child who is taught to do household chores not only learns to do something. Such upbringing has a number of advantages.

He respects himself more and is more confident in his abilities.
The level of discipline and organization increases.
Able to achieve results and overcome difficulties.
The child's self-esteem increases.

Everything has its time

Accustoming children to work, notes Mother Olga Strievskaya, is an open process: “We are all accustomed to work for the rest of our lives. And from your own experience you understand that children must be taught to work constantly. After all, if laziness lives in you, then how can it not live in your children?” Psychologist Evgenia Payson also believes that one should not create illusions and hope that if a child is forced to do housework more often, it will become a habit and he will no longer have to be reminded: “If a child, in principle, is not inclined to high responsibility, it is strange to expect that he will take his household responsibilities seriously.” What should be the household chores that the child could perform with more or less regularity? It depends on how big the family is and how busy the parents are at work. But even in a large family, homework for a child should have a specific task, with a clear beginning and end, so that he can see and evaluate the result of his work. The work doesn't have to be long. At different ages, your child will have different home assignments. A three-four-year-old child can help his mother sort the dried laundry and put away her toys. At this age, you should not start large projects with your child: asking him to clean the room is too vague a task for him. But a six-year-old can already do it, you just need to break it down into several clear stages: put away toys, put things away, wipe the dust off the table. At this age, children can already clean up something not only after themselves, but also behind other family members, such as books. At seven or eight years old, a child can already be asked to take out the trash and vacuum (he will already understand that he should not “suck in” a banknote or a rolled-up ring). From this age, housework can be divided by gender: boys can be asked to help their mother carry “heavy” bags of groceries. Daniil Ilyashenko recalls that from the age of seven he went alone to the store at his mother’s request, while stipulating that before it was still a different time. Mom wrote a list of what and how much to buy, and he coped with this task quite well. Their father taught the boys to work as men in the family of Archpriest Alexander Ilyashenko. Daniil says: “I always helped my dad with tinkering, drilling, hammering nails, repairing faucets and a bicycle. Dad knew how to do a lot of things himself, and we didn’t invite craftsmen for small jobs. At first I watched how things were done, then I helped - bring something, hold it, and then gradually I learned to do it myself.” When loading children with household responsibilities, one should not forget that from the age of seven they have a new job - study. And he becomes the main thing for them. It is at this time that numerous conflict situations arise between parents and children: the parent sees that the child is able to help more, but underestimates that he is as tired after school as after a working day. “I try not to resort to daily help around the house for those children who are studying,” says Olga Strievskaya. - They should know that they can rest at home before sitting down to their lessons. Of course, I can ask them to clean their room before bed, but you can’t ask them to wash everyone’s dishes.” “In our family,” says Daniil Ilyashenko, “everyone had their own responsibilities, and our parents distributed them among us. Some, for example, had to take out the trash every day, while others washed the hallway twice a week, and this took about fifteen to twenty minutes.” Of course, there are older children for whom it is a special joy when their mother asks them to babysit, but there are not so many such children. Nevertheless, very often it is precisely this kind of help from children that is in demand, taking into account how much children enjoy it when their older brothers or sisters communicate with them. In this case, psychologist Evgenia Payson advises doing this: “It seems to me that working with younger brothers and sisters on a regular basis is the job of the parents, not the older children. If a child does not want to constantly babysit his sister or brother, that is his right. But the mother can ask him to do some other work while she is with the baby: unload the washing machine, peel potatoes, go to the store. The care of younger children should not be delegated to older children without their personal initiative.” Both teachers, psychologists, and parents agree that there is no clear recipe for solving the problem of teaching children to work. Probably because its roots lie in the system of relationships between parents and children. And it’s never too late to start building these relationships correctly.

Tips for parents

When you teach a child anything, you should be patient. You cannot expect him to learn everything instantly and compare his abilities with your own. Praise him for his attempt, rather than reproach him.
Let cleaning become not a boring chore, but fun. You just need to show patience and imagination.
Consider the preferences and wishes of the baby. Let him do the work he likes.
You should not pay your child for homework. In this way you will create a problem that will haunt you in the future.
Never punish your child by forcing him to do things around the house. Otherwise, he will associate it with negativity. After this, it will be difficult to force the baby to do something.
Try to do the work together, leading by example. If something doesn’t work out, calmly explain and show how to do this or that job.
There is no need to demand that the child follow your instructions right away. He must be aware of his responsibilities and be able to choose the time to perform them. If you need his help, calmly ask.
If you want to raise a hard-working child, you need to be an example for him. Be patient and work alongside your child. Your efforts will not be in vain, and your child will grow up to be an independent, responsible, hardworking person.

What and how to assign to a child

It is absolutely forbidden to say to a child who is just learning to do some household chores: “Your hands do not grow from there, I will have to redo everything for you, it’s easier myself!” If there really is a need to correct some mistakes, you should do it as delicately as possible: thank him, and then, not in front of his eyes, redo it. Of course, when the child understands what is required of him, you can and should show him his flaws, but still do it in such a way that he does not give up later.

Of course, real help to the family is important, but sometimes, especially for a small child, this is too abstract a thing, and it is difficult for him to get involved in the work. We need an incentive. You can tell your child: “The faster you put away your toys, the faster we will read.” Or: “Your task is to collect the books and put them in the closet, this will free up time for me to play with you.”

A child’s homework should pursue specific goals so that he can see and evaluate the result of his work. And of course, the assignments depend on the age of the assistant. A three- or four-year-old child can help his mother sort washed or dried laundry and put away his toys. But at this age you shouldn’t start implementing large-scale projects with your baby: cleaning the room is too vague a task for him. But a six-year-old child can already do it, you just need to break the cleaning into several clear stages: put away toys, put things away, wipe the dust from the table. At this age, children can already clean up something not only after themselves, but also behind other family members, such as books. At seven or eight years old, a child can already be asked to take out the trash or vacuum (he will already understand that he should not “suck in” a banknote or a rolled-up ring).

Sometimes parents ask older children to tutor younger children. It is important to understand here: such care should not be delegated to elders without their personal initiative; after all, this is the responsibility of the parents. If a child does not want to constantly babysit his sister or brother, that is his right. But the mother may ask him to do some other work while she is with the baby: unload the washing machine, peel potatoes, or go to the store.

Mom is a “good dictator”

When a mother simply needs perfect order and cleanliness, she can fall into the trap of her own desires and constantly do all the housework. She will do this for one simple reason - it’s easier and faster to achieve the desired result. There is only one way to quickly involve other family members in the work - politely ask for help, and not order. It is necessary to introduce into the family rules the observance of a certain discipline of mutual assistance to each other when someone asks for it, and after completing the work, be sure to thank them for their work.

How to teach children to do household chores

One of the most important tasks of modern parents is to teach children to take care of themselves and their living space. Many parents do not pay enough attention to this skill, and subsequently it is very difficult for such children to adapt to independent life in their own family.

Sequencing

First, you should teach your child to clean up after himself. Try talking to your baby and explaining to him how nice it is when all his toys are in their place.

Let's help mom

We will help our mother, we will clean the apartment ourselves: we will wash all the dishes, everything will be clean.

The kitchen table will be clean, we will wipe off the dust, and wash the floor. Let's put away our toys, dolls, books, trinkets.

Mom needs help - everyone should know about it. Mom will be so pleased, isn’t that understandable?

We will help our mother, we will clean the apartment ourselves: we will wash all the dishes, everything will be clean.

The kitchen table will be clean, we will wipe off the dust, and wash the floor. Let's put away our toys, dolls, books, trinkets.

Mom needs help - everyone should know about it. Mom will be so pleased, isn’t that understandable?

Author: Galina Tyutyugina

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Assistant

I'm an assistant anywhere! Where are the dishes, where is the water? Washed everything! But it is unknown where the dry spot is on me.

Author: Evgenia Urusova

Igorek is washing the dishes now)

And Ruslan also helps his grandmother in the kitchen

Why should children help their parents around the house?

Of course, a child cannot do the same housework as an adult. We need to give him tasks within his capabilities.

By entrusting the child with even a small task (for example, washing dishes or sweeping the floor), parents will free up time for themselves, for their relaxation.
When your son or daughter helps you around the house, they learn to work as a team. This skill is very important for the future of any person. At school, at university, at work, you will always have to join a new team and learn to work with other people. It will be great if this learning begins in childhood with the family, when responsibilities are shared when preparing dinner. The daughter washes the vegetables, the mother cuts the salad, the father fries the meat.
Household responsibilities also develop in a child such qualities as honesty and punctuality. Firstly, we expect the baby to do everything correctly, without tricks. And secondly, we give him exact deadlines for completing the actions that he must meet. For example, clean your room before dinner.
There is an opinion that a person will not understand how certain things are until he tries them on his own skin. Likewise, children remain unaware of how much effort is spent on dinner and a clean apartment until they experience it themselves. Having learned how difficult it is to maintain a household, children will begin to respect their parents more for their work.