How to wean your child off your hands. How not to accustom your baby to your hands

Being in the arms of a mother is a vital necessity for an infant.
I really want the baby to stay in the mother’s arms for as long as possible, but due to circumstances, when the baby is already becoming heavy, the mother has to think about how to wean the child off her hands. What are the ways to wean a baby off your hands and, at the same time, not traumatize his psyche, we will consider in this article. Why does the baby want to be held?

1. child needs attention
2. The child may experience tummy pain
3. the baby is thirsty or hungry
4. baby is hot or cold
5. It’s sad for a child to be alone, but it’s much more fun with mom
6. the baby became scared, but in the mother’s arms it felt so comfortable and safe
7. the child peed or pooped, naturally, it is unpleasant for him to lie in this state
8. the baby is uncomfortable lying down or cannot roll over
9. the child is sick and asks for help
10. the child is just tired and wants to sleep

Are mothers afraid to hold their baby?

Already grown children miss their mother’s gentle touches and kind, gentle hugs. But, unlike adults and teenagers, newborn babies are lucky: they always enjoy the love and warmth of a loved one, because their mothers carry them in their arms almost all the time. Such idyllic pictures can only be disturbed by the lamentations of grandmothers: is it necessary to teach a child to hold hands, because he can grow up spoiled? Is it really right to listen to the advice of representatives of the older generation or is it better to rely on the instinct of a loving mother and, at the first request of the baby, take him in your arms? On average, the period of carrying babies in their arms is a year. As soon as the toddler begins to walk independently, he does not need additional means of transportation in the form of parental hands. But what to do before your baby's first birthday? You just need to take into account some of the characteristics of children at this age.

When not to wean

Exceptions are children with neurological developmental disorders. These problems can affect children mainly older than 8-9 months, more often after a year, when the child can already react to certain events by stopping development. Having received psychological trauma, such a child may stop his physical activity and, after a year, show no interest in walking upright. A clear indicator of psychological trauma is the cessation of speech development, when a baby suddenly stops pronouncing sounds, his vocabulary is not replenished, and he ceases to understand adult speech.

One of the points required for the rehabilitation of such children is closeness with their mother and prolonged physical contact. Immediately after the child’s mental health is restored, he will definitely need to be taught how to spend time independently.

Why might a baby ask to be held?

The only and completely understandable reaction of a mother to the crying of her little one will be the desire to take the baby in her arms and try to calm her down. A woman who has recently become a mother will at first not be able to recognize by the nature of her baby’s crying why he is upset.

And the reasons can be very different:

• the baby has wet diapers;
• he is cold or, conversely, he is very hot;
• he is lonely and bored, lacks impressions;
• the baby wants to eat;
• the baby is tired or overexcited and cannot sleep;
• he suffers from colic and falls ill.

Only then, after several months, parents will be tormented by the question: if they have taught the child to hold hands - what to do? In the meantime, the mother quickly takes the baby in her arms, trying to understand what is bothering him so much, what he needs at the moment. The very second the baby finds himself in his mother’s arms, he feels her love, care, he is very comfortable and calms down. Now it becomes clear to mom why her baby was crying, and she will eliminate the cause of his tears - change him, feed him, warm him up...

The baby’s desire to constantly feel his mother’s warmth can be explained very simply: for nine months he did not part with her, they were one, and now, when something bothers the baby, he tries to find protection from a loved one.

Do you need to carry your baby in your arms?

A long time ago there was an opinion that it was impossible to accustom an infant to holding hands. It was believed that “then it won’t come off.” This point of view was widespread back in the days of our grandmothers and was quite understandable, because then even infants were sent to nurseries, citing the need to go to work. Fortunately, in today's world this practice is hopelessly outdated and is no longer used.

Researchers have proven that it is vital for infants to be constantly close to their mother. This has the best effect on their psycho-emotional development. Moreover, the mother must not only be present, but fully satisfy the newborn’s need for tactile contact. There is a theory according to which the lack of tactile contacts in early childhood (simply put, mother’s hugs and touches) is directly related to the occurrence of psychological problems in adulthood. Moreover, children who did not receive enough mother’s affection in infancy may develop worse not only mentally, but also physically: they are prone to speech disorders, enuresis and other health problems.

Children who are often carried in their arms grow up calmer and more self-confident, actively explore the world around them and are ahead of their peers in terms of neuropsychic development. That is why pediatricians around the world advise mothers not to limit the baby’s desire to be in the arms of his parents and ask them to give up fears that the child will continue to constantly ask for his mother. Time will fly by, and very soon the baby will no longer want to sit quietly in his mother’s arms, wanting to quickly explore new spaces and learn something interesting. For those parents who share the opinion of experts, special auxiliary devices have long been invented that will help mom and dad go about their business without compromising communication with the child - for example, a sling or an ergonomic backpack.

Briefly about the problem

Well-known pediatrician Evgeniy Komarovsky can tell you in as much detail as possible about whether such a problem exists and how to deal with it.

At first, the newborn continues to be “on the same wavelength” with his mother. Yes, now there is no connecting umbilical cord between them, they are separated, but only physically. There is still a psychological dependence between them. It is in the baby that it is most pronounced. Therefore, you should not be surprised that the little one, who is not yet very well oriented in the new world, needs tactile contact with his mother. From the outside it looks like this: the baby became worried - the mother took him in her arms, the baby felt her presence, heard her voice, recognized his native smell and calmed down.

This is exactly what many mothers use from the first independent days of their child.

Significant reasons for weaning

Before thinking about the question of how to wean an infant from holding hands, you should understand whether it is even worth doing this at this particular age. As we have already said, you should wait for a certain period when the baby is ready to wean.

However, there are situations when refusal of physical contact is due to a number of completely objective factors:

1. The new mother is too tired from household chores. In such a situation, you should talk to your spouse or grandparents, who can take over some of the responsibilities. If this cannot be implemented in practice, then the presence of the baby in your arms should be limited. He needs a rested mother.
2. Another significant reason is the mother’s forced return to work before the end of her maternity leave. In this case, the mother must be replaced by grandmothers and nannies. And parents will compensate their love for the baby in their free time.
3. Some mothers worry too much about their children, preferring to hold them in their arms rather than let them on the floor or in the sandbox. In such a situation, you should start working not with the child, but with the mother, since her anxiety is transmitted to the baby.
4. A child who is already able to crawl or, moreover, walk, must independently explore the world, of course, under parental supervision. Therefore, you should let the grown-up baby off your hands and send him off to “conquer” the surrounding space.

Some mothers are sure that even a newborn baby should not be held. This is not an entirely correct position, since the baby that is born needs physical contact with its mother. Everything should be in moderation, so don’t forget to kiss, stroke and lift the baby into your arms.

Little tricksters

As soon as the baby makes even a sound while lying in his crib, the mother rushes to him and takes him in her arms; if he has colic, the mother grabs him again. In a very short time, the baby understands that it is very simple to get mom “on the side”: just cry or sniffle. But until two months old, babies do not know how to abuse trust, and if they ask to be held, it means they really need it.

Everything changes by three months. Colic gradually subsides, they appear less and less often. Mothers no longer need to run up to their baby every minute, but they still do it out of habit. And the kids really like it all.

This is exactly the age when you can start talking about being spoiled. Now you no longer need to ask: how to understand that a child is accustomed to being held by hands. Everything becomes clear. The longer parents delay weaning, the more difficult it will be for them to do this.

Pros and cons of co-sleeping with mom

Psychologists and doctors cannot give a definite answer to the question about sleeping together with a child. Each parent must choose their own option, having carefully studied all the pros and cons of this method.

The benefits of sleeping with your parents are:

1. Opportunity to get some sleep. Mom will not need to make night walks to the crib and back to feed the baby.
2. Calm child. Feeling the support and protection of the mother, the baby will sleep better, which means it will develop better.
3. No problems with mother's milk supply. Night feedings promote milk production. So the baby will always be able to eat.

The disadvantages include:

1. The ability to “crush” a child. Under the influence of pills, alcohol or other substances, a woman is unable to control the safety of her baby, which can lead to dire consequences.
2. Lack of normal sleep. Worries about a child sleeping nearby lead to restless, superficial sleep, which will later affect the mother’s well-being.
3. Co-sleeping until adulthood. A baby, having become accustomed to sleeping with its mother, may not want to be separated from her in adulthood.

Falling asleep and motion sickness

So how not to teach a child to hold hands? The first time after the baby is born, he is interested in his new world. And let him be only in his room. But it’s very convenient - mom takes him in her arms, and the little one points with his finger where he wants to “go” next. Sometimes it is even useful to provide him with this opportunity, because when the baby learns to crawl, he will even begin to climb into places where it is not necessary.

The biggest difficulty will be falling asleep. It is at this moment that the mother is able to lose her last strength, especially if she needs to rock the baby to sleep at night. To make mother’s “work” easier, you can use a crib that has a pendulum mechanism.

It also happens that after the baby has been fed, he needs rocking. And he doesn't like it when mom tries to take him off the breast. It would be right to do this: the mother can simply lie down next to him or even stand while holding the baby in her arms. Just do not walk or rock it under any circumstances. From childhood, a child should understand that mother and motion sickness are not the same thing.

To download or not to download

On the one hand, motion sickness is a completely natural physiological rhythm of movements familiar to a newborn: all 9 months he was in his mother’s stomach and did nothing but rock. But there is absolutely no evidence that after birth the baby needs rocking to any extent. Nature has provided absolutely nothing for this, because the child himself cannot swing.

This means that all the reasons for rocking a child were invented by mothers in order to justify their desire to put the child to sleep as soon as possible and finally go about their own business.

Komarovsky claims that there is no particular harm in motion sickness - for the child. There is no benefit either.

But for mom and dad, the harm from swinging is colossal. First of all, because a child who is accustomed to rocking in his arms before bed will demand this every day, constantly. And the older he gets, the more persistently and desperately he will demand his own, and then the life of the family will turn into chaos.

Instead of wearing, stay close

If a child is accustomed to using hands, how to wean him from this? When the baby becomes tame, and the parents are trying to change the situation, you can gradually, slowly, replace carrying in your arms with being with the little one. Quite often, the desire to be in mother’s arms, in her arms, is caused by ordinary fear: mother has left. For a baby who was born just three or four months ago, not seeing his mother, even if she only went into the next room, is an alarming signal. For him, this means that his mother has gone very far, it is unknown when she will return or whether she will return at all. It’s better to read books to him, sing a song, or even do housework, but while in the toddler’s field of view.

"Tame" kids

Why can't you teach a child to hold hands? This question is asked by many mothers, especially young ones, who are constantly told by older relatives that training is harmful. The arguments put forward by old-timers are quite simple: the baby quickly gets used to the fact that, as soon as he demands, he is immediately picked up. In the future, he will learn to manipulate his parents, and in order to satisfy his whims, he will resort to crying or whims.

The opinion about the harm of this action is, in principle, justified. Because if the mother reacts too quickly to the children's whims, she will be completely absorbed only by the baby, leaving no time for housekeeping or for a little rest. In addition, it is quite difficult to carry a baby in your arms all the time, especially when he gains weight.

How to find the notorious golden mean - to maintain the psychological comfort of a toddler and how not to accustom a child to holding hands? Indeed, the issue is important, and parents should come to a common denominator in resolving it.

Slings and tactile contacts

Of course, whether to teach a child to hold hands is a personal matter for each mother. A woman should decide this only for herself, as will be convenient for her personally. But if the mother has already contributed to the child getting used to hands, how can we wean him from this now? It takes some effort. Moreover, all actions should be carried out on the basis that unobtrusively breaking contact with the mother will not harm the baby.

If the baby is still very small, then a sling is suitable for weaning. In terms of convenience and functionality, it will not be inferior to either the hands of your beloved mother or the stroller. The baby will still be close to his mother and feel protected. Mom will be able to mind her own business. The main thing is to choose the right size of the sling, then the woman’s back will not get tired from wearing a toddler.

It is useful to diversify tactile contacts with the baby. It is not at all necessary to grab the baby in your arms at the first sounds of crying. If, for example, he cries because he is lying uncomfortably and cannot sleep, it is enough to simply adjust the diapers, turn the baby onto the other side, and stroke his shoulders and back. Mom can stay nearby until he calms down and falls asleep.

How not to make the baby “tame”?

In order not to accustom your baby to your hands, but to provide him with the desired close contact, it is important to notice the emergence of a problematic habit in time and reconsider your own behavior.

Diversify the ways you touch your baby

Newborns still have poor hearing and vision, and almost the only way to communicate with the new world is through touch. Even as a child grows up, he longs to feel your touch and your warmth; for him, they are a guarantor of safety.

Don’t try to immediately grab a crying baby to calm him down, try to stroke him first, calm him down in a gentle tone and sit next to him. During the day, touch the baby often, put the baby with you on the bed, warming him with your warmth, or lay him on top of you.

Free your hands

If you do not want to injure your child and reject him by depriving him of contact with you, you can continue to carry him, but not in your arms, but in a sling. This convenient accessory will relieve your back and make you freer, while your baby will get what he wants.

Fill your baby's day with impressions

Children often ask to be held because they are bored and lonely. From the height of his mother's embrace, the baby sees the world from a different angle, and it is much more interesting than the boring mobile phone above the crib. In order not to accustom your child to your hands, you must organize rich, but not tiring leisure time for the baby during his waking hours.

• Buy your baby a mobile with removable toys so that you can change the parts for new ones when your little one gets bored with the old ones;
• while he is awake, move the baby from the crib to another place - to your bed, to a development mat, or simply to the floor covered with a warm blanket and offer him different toys;
• develop a daily routine rich in gymnastics, reading and massage; such a pastime will not only sufficiently entertain the baby, but will also provide him with the desired close contact with you;
• For emotional saturation, a child needs a certain load on his visual and auditory organs, so show the baby pictures from books, objects of different colors and shapes, and also play calm or rhythmic music in the background.

Let your baby see and hear you

If the baby cries and asks to be held because you leave him alone in the room while doing housework, let the child hear and observe what you are doing. If the size of the kitchen allows it, roll the stroller there and place it so that the baby can see you. After six months, babies can be placed in a highchair.

The child will see what you are doing and watch your actions and movements with interest. Comment on everything that happens in the kitchen, name the names of products, describe their properties: the more you communicate with your baby, the more vocabulary he will have.

Use different ways to calm down

Of course, holding a baby in your arms is the simplest and most effective method for calming. But you must find other methods so as not to make the baby “tame” and thereby complicate your life:

• stroke the baby;
• talk kindly to the baby;
• rock the crib if it has runners or a pendulum mechanism;
• shake the rattles;
• show a bright or favorite toy;
• offer the baby a pacifier;
• try making faces in front of the baby or playing peek-a-boo.

Stand your ground firmly

If the baby has already been accustomed to holding hands, and now you want to correct this, it is important to strictly follow the chosen line of behavior. Having noticed that the baby is crying precisely because he wants to be in your arms, use different methods, trying to distract the child from this desire. Do not give in to the child, even if he cries for a long time, explain that you are very tired and can no longer carry such an adult and heavy baby in your arms.

If your tricks and persuasion do not help, make sure that the baby is safe and simply leave the room until the baby calms down. Afterwards, you should definitely talk to the child in a gentle tone, stroking his back, thereby showing that you love him.

Let's diversify your impressions

It can be boring for a baby to lie in a crib for quite a long time, so he just needs new and interesting experiences. How not to accustom the child to hands in this case and at the same time not give him the opportunity to get bored?

You can purchase hanging toys for your crib or mobile. The sound of music (especially if it’s classical music) and changing the lighting will also help. So that the mother can do household chores without being distracted, the little one can be placed (or placed) in a stroller and taken with her to other rooms or to the kitchen.

You can and even need to carry your baby in your arms, especially if he really needs it. Because he will grow up to be a balanced and psychologically confident person only if he feels love, care and affection from his parents.

Useful pauses

Of course, without getting the desired motion sickness, the baby may start screaming - very loudly, non-stop and completely inconsolable. In this case, mothers begin to get scared and try to calm the child by holding him in her arms. But you can't do that. We must try to endure. As a rule, only two or three days will be enough for the little one to realize that his cry will not always help achieve what he wants. True, the process may take a little longer.

So how to wean your child off your hands? Reviews from mothers indicate that it is possible to distract the baby. For example, a toddler is fed, changed, put into a crib or playpen. And suddenly he starts crying, demanding that his mother take him in her arms. In this case, it is better to give the child a bright, interesting toy or put something very interesting for him next to him. Thus, the baby is distracted and temporarily forgets that he was trying to get into his mother’s arms. Over time, you can take more such “pauses”.

Ideal conditions for weaning

At the first stage of the process, it is recommended to involve one of the relatives from the outside for help. A person, for example, can help with housework. At the same time, the mother gets enough time to communicate with her child. We should not forget that maternity leave is given precisely for this purpose. The baby should receive proper care and sufficient attention. Over time, you can try giving it to your dad or grandma for a few seconds. The child will get used to it, and whims will become rare.

Comfortable and practical swing for newborns

In any case, the baby should feel a sufficient amount of touch. Mommy can gently stroke and kiss him. Thanks to this, the baby feels involved and needed in the life of the older generation.

The baby should not always be in one place. Parents should regularly change his environment. After growing up, he will be able to independently roll over from one side to the other. Sitting in a stroller or on a bicycle has a positive effect. Thanks to this, the baby will be able to watch his mother, who at this moment is minding her own business. At the same time, you should talk to him. A child should not feel abandoned.

It is necessary to properly arrange the bed. Special toys are hung above it and move spontaneously. Modern manufacturers offer mothers to use a comfortable fabric sling. It wraps around the torso. The child is placed in a special pocket. He is next to mommy all the time, but does not restrict her movements. Her hands are completely free, so she can easily do household chores. However, a high level of stress is now transferred to the back.

How to wean a one-year-old from your hands?

Sometimes it happens that the baby is already a year old, but he is still “tame”. Is this good or bad? Every parent must answer this question for himself. How to wean a child off your hands (parents' reviews on this matter are very different) so that it is done correctly and is not tragic for the baby? If someone decides that everything is fine for now, then they can leave everything as it is. If someone adheres to the point of view that the child is already too big to be held, then this problem needs to be radically solved.

How to wean a child from holding hands in one year? In general, this should be done from about eight months of age. The game of hide and seek, which kids love, will give them the opportunity to get used to short separations from their mother. First you need to hide for just a few seconds behind an ordinary handkerchief. This way the baby will see that the mother is in place. Over time, mom can hide behind the door, near the sofa, but even in this case, the little one needs to hear mom’s voice. When the baby grows up, the game of hide and seek can be expanded to different rooms. In this way, the time of separation will increase, and the separation will not look like separation, but an ordinary game.

What do mother's hands mean to a child?

During nine months of being in the mother’s womb, the baby gets used to the tightness of the uterus, the beating of a woman’s heart, uniform rocking, a certain body temperature, and smell. Such conditions provide comfort and safety.

But one day everything changes. A newborn finds himself in a completely unfamiliar and incomprehensible world to which he needs to adapt. And this must be done with the help of maternal love and tenderness.

Experts call the first 3 months the “fourth trimester.” Such a comparison is quite appropriate, since the child, although no longer connected to the mother by the umbilical cord, is completely dependent on her physically and emotionally.

The proximity of the mother's body calms the baby and gives him a feeling of reliability. It is mother’s hugs and her care that lead to the emergence of the so-called basic trust in the world around us, which then transforms into openness to everything new and a desire to explore space.

In addition, being in the mother's arms has a beneficial effect on the physical development of the child.

• carrying in the arms, breastfeeding provides close bodily contact, which allows you to actively stimulate the development of the cerebral cortex;
• Also, mother’s touch helps stimulate blood circulation, improve the endocrine and nervous systems, and develop immunity;
• if you carry a child in your arms correctly, you can contribute to the optimal formation of the musculoskeletal system, spinal column and hip joints in children;
• the baby, being held in his arms, takes part in the mother’s activities, carefully observes her manipulations, which allows him to receive a large amount of information and develop intellectually.

Most often, at the age of six months, when the child begins to crawl, begins to actively explore the world around him, gradually becomes more independent, and the time spent in the mother’s embrace is significantly reduced.

How to replace the notorious “handles”?

Now that the baby is older, he can still ask to be held. For example, when he woke up. But you should not immediately fulfill such a requirement. Mom can just lie down next to him, kiss him on the cheeks and heels, and stroke his back.

At one year old, babies are mostly already walking - some are better, some are worse. They may be dropped, scratched or bumped. In this case, it is important for every child to feel sorry for him. Even in such a situation, you should not pick it up if the parents decide to wean the baby from this. You can hug him tightly, feel sorry for him, sympathize with him, and sit him on your lap. This alternative will be much more beneficial.