How to teach a child to sleep separately from his parents

As soon as the little man is born, happy parents prepare a crib for him. They try to make sure that the sides are soft, the mattress is natural, and the linen is beautiful. However, most often the baby is still put to sleep in the parent’s bed. And this is quite understandable: for a mother who is tired during the day, it is easier to put her baby next to her than to get up several times a night at his first call. And the children sleep much more soundly next to their mother. Problems begin later, when the child reaches a more conscious age. He gets so used to sleeping with mom and dad that he doesn’t even think about “moving” into his own crib, much less into his own room. How to teach a child to sleep separately from their parents and why should children 2-3 years old sleep separately from their parents?

Is it so bad if a child sleeps with his mother?

A newborn child quite often

wakes up at night. Especially if he is breastfed. It happens that the mother has to get up every hour or two and feed the baby. Therefore, the woman gets very tired and does not get enough sleep.

During the day there are even more worries, and there is no time to sleep.

Then the tired mother puts the baby next to her so as not to get up and feed him when he asks.

Children who are bottle-fed sleep more soundly and have fewer feedings. Therefore, co-sleeping with parents happens if the child is sick and the mother wants to keep him close by under control, or if his tummy hurts and he sleeps restlessly.

It happens that after birth the baby sleeps in his own bed, and after 1 year he begins to be afraid to sleep separately and comes to his parents. In such a situation, it is better to immediately figure out what is bothering him, find out his fears and help.

But if it doesn’t work out, you can let the baby calm down and sleep with his parents for a while, rather than cause him psychological trauma.

Sometimes parents just like to sleep with their baby.

If everyone is happy with this situation, and mom and dad are happy, then this situation is normal.

The main thing to ensure when sleeping together is:

Having a large bed with a hard, flat mattress without a pillow
Properly washed and ironed linen
Parents are able to control their movements during sleep and will not harm the child
Not only mother and child agree to sleep together, but also father
Sleeping together should not affect the intimate relationship between wife and husband

If all the requirements for sleeping together are met, then this is not harmful. Although some claim that co-sleeping harms a child's development, both physically and psychologically, there is no evidence to support these claims.

But there are a number of positive points:

Sleeping together brings mother and child even closer, and if dad also sleeps with them, it brings the family closer;
The child feels calmer and safer next to his mother and sleeps better;
Such a dream makes the life of a young mother a little easier, because she does not have to get up often at night.

However, you should not teach your child to sleep with his parents unless absolutely necessary. After all, sooner or later the time will come for him to sleep separately, and weaning a baby from sleeping together can be very difficult.

Often, when sleeping with a child, the parents' sleep is superficial, so as not to harm the baby. Such sleep does not bring rest, and fatigue gradually accumulates.

If co-sleeping has tired your mother, she constantly does not get enough sleep, and there are scandals in the family because of this, then you should take this problem seriously.

Some useful tips

2-3 years of age is a period of crisis when the child’s independence manifests itself. This is a good time for crib training.
You cannot leave a child alone, slamming the door and trying not to hear his tears. At first, mom or dad should be nearby, waiting until the little one falls asleep.
Organize a routine and stick to it. A few hours before bedtime, play something calm, read fairy tales, and gradually move to the nursery.
Do not drive your child away if he comes to you in the middle of the night or in the morning.
Be decisive.
Avoid tea, tonic drinks and sweets before going to bed.
Many children like audio fairy tales - call them to help.
For older children, do not show horror films before bed; it will scare and invigorate them.
Don't make fun of children's fears, but take them seriously.

Remember that the child is always comfortable next to his mother, and this is inherent in nature. But today you can provide comfort in other ways. A favorite toy, an audio story, hugs, and conversations will help you calm down and get a good night's sleep.

When to train and when not to

At what age it is time to wean a child from co-sleeping with his parents depends on his individual characteristics.
But many parents persistently ask experts - at what age is “it’s time”?

Most often, it is recommended to start preparing a baby for independent sleep at 2-3 years old, when he is already well aware of the word “mine”.

The child gets his own towel, his own dishes, his own crib and his own room.

At what age can sleeping together with mom and dad in your parents’ bed be considered abnormal? At the age of 4-5 you should seriously think about this.

If the child is calm and sleeps well at night, then there is no point in putting him in the parent's bed at all. These babies quickly get used to sleeping in their own crib.

If a child is restless, sleeps poorly, often wakes up at night, or is emotionally sensitive, then it may be difficult to accustom him to a separate bed.

For such a child, moving away from his mother can be stressful. Then there is no need to rush. You can prepare your child for this stage, and when he is psychologically ready, you can begin to wean him off co-sleeping.

When your baby is still breastfed, you should wait until weaning. It is unlikely that you will be able to sleep separately if your baby is breastfeeding at night.

It is necessary to explain to the child why he should start sleeping in a separate crib so that he does not feel punished or abandoned.

You should not start weaning your baby from co-sleeping if he is sick, has suffered stress (for example, went to kindergarten), or is teething. Then it is better to wait a little and start later.

Psychologists also recommend not to rush to move children who have suffered birth trauma, premature babies, or those with neurological diseases into their crib. These children require a special approach.

Causes of poor sleep

Sometimes children cannot fall asleep right away, they become capricious and cry. This can be caused by several factors.

Discomfort of various kinds is the main reason for a baby’s poor sleep. The baby may experience anxiety due to hunger or a dirty diaper, pain, overstimulation, habit of the pacifier, breast or other way of laying down.

At the age of 4 months, teeth begin to erupt, which significantly impairs the quality of children's sleep.

The reasons for not wanting to sleep on your own include the need for attention. In this case, you can stroke, hug or kiss the baby, calm him down with gentle words or rock him a little.
Crankiness at bedtime can also be a consequence of a child's lack of daily activity. Introduce games, walks, exercises, and exercises into your first half of the day. This will also help avoid problems with daytime sleep.

Getting used to sleeping in your own crib - a detailed description of the process

However, there is no need to rush. You need to give the child time, prepare him. After all, if the baby is afraid to sleep alone, then by forcing him, you will only multiply his fears.

Many children are afraid to fall asleep, subconsciously thinking that something will change overnight and their parents will disappear.

Therefore, they do not want to be separated from mom and dad at night. When waking up in the morning, the first thing the baby does is check to see if his parents are there.

Therefore, it is important, before weaning a child from co-sleeping, to create a favorable environment for this.

Gradually getting your baby used to sleeping independently can take months. Do you want to know how to teach your baby to sleep separately without resentment or tears? Read our tips.

It is important for parents to tune in to changes in the family and not change their decision . It happens that a child begins to be capricious and adults immediately give up. Or subconsciously the mother does not want to part with the baby, and he feels it. Then problems will definitely arise. You need to calmly but persistently move towards your goal.
To begin with, there is no need to move the child to another room . Move a crib next to your bed so your baby doesn't feel abandoned.
Do not force your baby into the crib so that he does not have a negative reaction associated with this.
Try to explain to your baby that he is already an adult and will, like all adults, sleep separately. But at the same time, he doesn’t sleep alone; mom will always come if he calls.
You can develop a special ritual when preparing for bed . For example, bathing, massage, bedtime story. First, the child gets used to falling asleep in his parents’ bed like this, and then moves to his own bed. This will make it easier for him to fall asleep.
Sometimes it is better to start teaching your child to sleep separately with a nap . Then the baby will be less afraid and will quickly get used to his bed.
You can get a large plush toy and put the child to bed with a “friend”. If a child falls in love with this toy and becomes attached to it, he will be able to bear separation from his mother more easily.
If the baby is afraid or does not want to fall asleep alone, agree to sit with him for a while, hold his hand. The smell of mother is perceived very sensitively by children. When they feel it, they feel safe
Try leaving a night light on in the room.

Correct daily routine

The daily routine is important for a child from birth.

Human nature is designed in such a way that actions to ensure important life functions (sleep, food, learning, active movement), performed every day at the same time, do not encounter internal resistance and make the psyche more stable.

Night feedings are not necessary for infants, as many pediatric doctors believe. If your baby asks for food at night, you can give him a bottle of water or a pacifier. He will soon get used to eating only during the day and will not wake up at night to eat. The break between feedings for babies up to three months is about three hours.

You can teach your baby to eat for the last time at 24 hours, and then at 6 am. Between the last feeding and the first, give only a bottle of water. The baby will quickly get used to the fact that he needs to sleep at night; his sleep will not be interrupted by the need to eat. And the mother will not need to get up every hour to the crib or put the baby in her bed.

Following the recommendations to keep a daily routine by the hour seems too difficult for some parents. However, this is the only way to make every day fruitful and as rich as possible, and your night’s sleep deep and restful. The child will be completely indifferent to where to sleep, just to get to the crib faster.

Children who live in accordance with the daily routine develop better because they have more strength for this. All important moments for healthy growth are performed automatically - eating, sleeping, walking, exercising. And there is no reason for poor appetite, nighttime insomnia or whims due to a bad mood if the baby is not sick.

In my room

Children moving into their own room is a big psychological step for them.

It is important to create such an atmosphere in the nursery so that nothing frightens the child, he feels calm and comfortable.

You can move your child into your own room only when he is used to sleeping alone in his crib.

If the baby falls asleep calmly and sleeps all night, then he may well be in a separate room.

But if he often wakes up and cries, then it is possible that he is not yet psychologically ready for such changes.

Wait a bit for him to grow up and try again. Try to turn moving into another room into a game or a story.

It is important

When weaning your child from co-sleeping, it is important to remember:

It is important to focus on your child , his individual characteristics, readiness for independence, and not rely on someone else’s advice.
If you can’t train your baby quickly, don’t worry . You need to be patient and perhaps change your tactics.
Don't scold your baby if he doesn't want to go to bed or comes at night. Try to calmly explain everything to him, calm him down, persuade him. Don't show him your irritation.
When a woman is expecting her second child, it is necessary to teach the baby to sleep separately before the birth of a brother or sister. This is important so that the child does not feel that he has been replaced and stopped being loved.
Place a night light near your baby's crib or in his room . This way he won't be afraid of the dark.
Let your child take an active part in choosing and arranging his bed . He will help you choose bedding for yourself and arrange your place the way he wants.

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Parents' stories

Many mothers, having gone through this stage in their relationships with their children, share their experience:

Having decided that it is time for your child to sleep separately, carefully study the experience of other parents in weaning from co-sleeping, the advice of psychologists and specialists, but most importantly, make sure that your child is ready for such a serious step. Don’t rush the baby and be patient and everything will definitely work out.