Consultation for parents “How to teach a child to be afraid of strangers”

Possible reasons

If your baby does not like to be in crowded places, does not tolerate noise and companies, this does not mean that he is not like everyone else. Sometimes children want to play on their own, but parents must also influence their child. Give his thoughts and actions the right direction.

If a child (2 years old) is afraid of children, this does not mean that he is autistic or abnormal. This may indicate that the baby was offended by other children. He might simply not understand what happened, but remember it and not want this situation to happen again. Almost all children remember well the mistakes of their first bad experience. It is not surprising that they do not want to experience negative emotions again. It is unlikely that your child just like that, for no apparent reason, protects himself from other children.

All the child’s actions speak about the situations in which he has been. Children who rarely make contact with their peers may be strongly attached to their mother and rarely go out into society. Because of these moments, the baby does not know how to behave and does not make friends with children.

Is your child too dependent?

“Our 8-month-old baby starts crying every time I put him in his crib and go into another room. It seems to me that I cannot move away at all, so as not to upset him. We are very close, but am I making him too dependent on me?”

No! You only make him better protected, and not at all dependent. Your baby is experiencing fear of loneliness. This is completely normal behavior and is not at all caused by the fact that you have made your baby too dependent on you. By observing 8-month-old Matthew playing, we think we have been able to explain where the fear of loneliness comes from and why it is a completely healthy phenomenon. While Matthew was crawling around the room, he kept looking around to see if we were watching him. Seeing us leave the room or not paying attention to him, he begins to get upset. As experienced observers, we already knew that kids don’t do anything without good reason. We found it interesting that the fear of loneliness reaches its peak just at the time when the child begins to actively move. Maybe this is some kind of safety net? After all, at this moment the child’s motor capabilities allow him to crawl far from his parents, and his mental abilities are not yet developed enough for such an escape to be safe. The baby's body says yes, but his mind says no. In other words, the fear of loneliness seems to hold the baby back.

Norms for children aged 2 years

Initially, it is worth understanding the standards for children aged 2 years. If your baby does not perform all the actions that are described, or does not say all the words, do not despair. Perhaps you simply have not tried to talk with him in his language, and the help of a child psychologist will not be useful at all. Just spend more time with your child.

Motor skills and physical development:

• walks up and down the stairs. May lean on railings or ask for an adult's hand;
• steps over obstacles;
• runs;
• stands on a stand;
• catches and throws the ball;
• plays children's outdoor games;
• draws lines and circles/ovals;
• able to bend down to pick up an object;
• controls facial expressions: curls lips into a tube, draws in cheekbones;
• kicks the ball.

Communication and words:

• studies children on the playground, tries to interact with them,
• can speak individual words and ask questions,
• plays hide and seek,
• copies adults
• asks for help
• understands some everyday concepts,
• shows how old he is, says his name.

Hygiene and life:

• eats and drinks independently,
• brushes his teeth himself
• goes to the potty
• takes off and puts on his panties,
• able to take off and put on shoes with a light fastener.

This small list refers to the development standards for children at 2 years old. Each baby is different, some do all of the above and more, and some do not. Watch your baby's development and don't miss the moment when you can interest him. Some parents teach all these procedures so that the child goes to kindergarten. Children 2 years old are usually taken to kindergarten if there are no other educational conditions.

Why should children be social?

Modern parents in the age of new technologies completely forget about simple truths. Our ancestors also passed on their experience and knowledge about the development of children not only in educational activities, but mainly through games. The famous “White-sided Magpie”, “Ladushki”, “Geese-geese” and other games are undeservedly forgotten. Although thanks to them you can develop not only fine motor skills, but also thinking, memory and perseverance.

Many children do not know how to properly communicate with peers. The problem comes from childhood; such people, even in old age, often cannot express their desires normally.

Adults set boundaries for communication and want children to live up to these actions. But it is worth understanding that each child has his own knowledge of the world; each child is independently capable of learning to contact other children, communicate, play and even resolve conflicts. Therefore, you should not try to express your point of view when it is inappropriate. The playground in the yard is a great place for kids to socialize.

Narrow social circle

In fact, the mother herself is more dependent on the child than he is on her. This psychological trap is often confusing and misleading. If a child constantly spends time only with his mother, father or grandmother, then the illusion arises that there is no need for other people. Therefore, when appearing on the street, a child (2 years old) is afraid of children or avoids them and does not make contact.

There is an opinion that if a child sees a limited circle of people, then in society he can behave aggressively. This is not because he has such a character, it all happens because he has no idea how to communicate in an extended circle. Due to the fact that a child constantly spends time with adults, it is easier for him to communicate with them than with peers. By organizing children's events, you (and your little one) will enjoy the process.

How can I help him get through this period?

There are games that children really like, and this is no coincidence. For example, a game of hide and seek: we hide behind a sofa cushion or cover our face with our palms... And then we find ourselves! “Hello, here I am!” - and the baby sees his mother disappear and reappear. So he is convinced over and over again that when he does not see his mother, she still exists. And if she disappears, she will definitely return. You can also build a tower of cubes with your child, then destroy it and put it back together again. All games that involve disappearing and reappearing instill in the child confidence that there is permanence and solidity in his world. Subsequently, this belief will help him come to terms with the fact that his mother leaves for a short time, and then with her going to work.

Parents' actions

• Expand your social circle, not only yours, but also your child’s.
• Change the environment.
• Make family friends - the more people, the better.
• Play more children's outdoor games in the company of your child's peers.
• Show interest in activities with children yourself.
• Praise your child often.
• Give easy tasks first, then more difficult ones. After the baby copes with the first ones, tell him that he can do it, he just needs to think about it.
• First teach your child the game, then ask him to play.

Hedgehog Gauntlets

Children who are raised strictly have more communication problems than children who are praised. Such a child will always have boundaries and try to please. Although in almost all cases such requirements for children are too high. Because of this, the child withdraws into himself, because it is easier to be left alone with his thoughts, where you will not be scolded, will not be demanded, and you will not always be as good as you should be.

It is not without reason that children are believed to feel everything, and, accordingly, if your child (2 years old) is afraid of children, it means he is simply not confident in himself and is anxious. With such a child, children will behave coldly or rudely, to which the child will not respond, because at home this is a normal reaction to his actions.

With a child's low self-esteem, his anxiety and self-doubt increase. Such children often say that they cannot do something. This means that the child is afraid of other children and needs your help. He doesn't know how to ask you without getting rejected. He is not confident in his abilities, although he would really like to try.

Fear of strangers

This “disease” usually occurs between the 6th and 12th months. Just recently, the baby willingly passed from hand to hand, and suddenly this “sociable butterfly” turned into a “distrustful caterpillar.” Now the child recognizes only your hands and can push away even close relatives whom he recently willingly recognized. This behavior is normal, this mistrust will quickly pass, so do not make any changes in your parenting style, and also do not assume that the child is unhealthy. Even the healthiest and most sociable children can go through this period of fear of strangers. The child, as it were, measures the world by your standards and evaluates other people by your reaction to them. The behavior of your baby largely depends on how you behave. To overcome a child's isolation, you need to encourage him to be socially open. Here's how we recommend doing it.

Signs of early autism

1. Starting from infancy, the child does not experience joy from communicating with his family and mother.
2. When he is picked up, he does not try to touch or hug an adult.
3. Doesn't make eye contact.
4. Repeats the same phrase, movement, action many times. Such children develop speech late.
5. Autistic children walk on tiptoes or skip around with a thoughtful and detached expression on their faces.

If you suspect that your child may be sick, contact a specialist. Timely detection of a disease is half the work on it. After the tests, the doctor will tell you whether the baby is healthy or sick.

If, after all, your baby suffers from autism, then start with small household tasks that he can complete on his own. Children's outdoor games will help you develop an interest in communication. Get pets, they are very good at helping your child realize responsibility and adapt to the world around him.

Do all children go through this crisis?

Yes, this is one of the significant milestones in a baby’s development. It is important to note that the intensity of manifestations may vary, depending on the child’s temperament and how well the previous period proceeded. Some children react very violently to strangers, cry, turn away and calm down only in their mother’s arms. Other children show almost no concern, do not cry, just look away.

If the baby is afraid of strangers, even relatives, do not force him to go into their arms. The psychological comfort of the baby is more important than the mood of his grandmother.

Communication with children

Many children show their first reaction to peers in the form of aggression. This is not an alarming indicator, but a unique method of studying other children and the world. In such games they can realize where is “mine” and where is “someone else’s”. Aggression is a primitive way of interacting with other children. You can call it the first level of acquaintance.

Children are very sensitive, they are able to grasp emotions and attitudes towards themselves. But in order for a child to get used to communication and outgrow fear and aggression, he must feel the constant support of his mother. Over time, his behavior will change, but for now the mother must prevent conflicts and attend children's events.

For example, a child (2 years old) is afraid of children because a toy was taken from him in the sandbox. When they try to take away your child’s toy, but he is against it, then you should ask the offender: “Does my daughter mind you playing?” - or: “First ask Katya, then take it.” This is necessary so that the child feels protected by you and can defend his desires. After all, he is also a person, and it is necessary to respect his wishes and protests. As time passes, your baby will independently explain his rights to the children.

If you see that your baby is simply being insulted out of nowhere, do not stand on the sidelines. Tell the offender in a stern tone that this cannot be done. This is bad! It is unlikely that he will want to continue, but if this does not work, then take the bad child aside. Until your child reaches the age of 3 years, you must completely protect him if he cannot cope on his own. At an older age, children understand what is possible and what is not, they remember very well how their mother supported them, and independently defend their point of view.