For many parents, falling asleep on their own in their own crib (and not in the mother’s arms) is associated with crying and hassle, but with the right approach, teaching your child to sleep separately can go very smoothly. Sleep experts believe that any baby over six months can master this skill.
A child can fall asleep well alone
Pros of co-sleeping
Co-sleeping has a positive effect on breastfeeding
Close contact with the baby allows you to conveniently organize night feedings and increase the number of feedings in the early hours (from 4 to 8 am). It is at this time that the activity of prolactin, the hormone responsible for milk production, peaks.
The whole family can get a good night's sleep
Families who practice co-sleeping usually sleep better and longer: the baby does not have to shout to his mother, and she does not have to rock him and put him back to sleep several times a night.
The child feels more confident
Close contact with the mother gives the baby a feeling of confidence and serves as confirmation for him that he is safe. It is very important for the baby to feel his mother next to him and not waste energy on crying. It is a quiet child's sleep that promotes the harmonious development of brain cells and the formation of neural connections between them.
A stable attachment between the baby and his parents is formed
In Soviet times, maximum separation from the child (“do not hold hands”, “sleep only in your own crib”, “end breastfeeding early”) was widespread and was considered the only correct method of education. Psychologists now talk a lot about the fact that a strong connection with parents is a child’s basic need, which affects his trust in the world and mental stability.
At what age to start
Child development - homeschooling techniques
When choosing the time to start teaching your baby to sleep independently, you should rely, first of all, on his character: with obedient children, you can start training earlier than with restless ones, who have difficulty adapting to changing conditions.
On average, it is recommended to start practicing self-sleep for your baby at 4 months so that by the age of six months the baby no longer requires the constant presence of his mother for sound and long sleep.
Only a healthy child should begin to teach him to fall asleep on his own, because in case of any ailment, the baby needs all the mother’s time and attention. Having set the goal of teaching your baby to sleep separately, you should be patient and not deviate from your plans.
If, when the baby reaches four months, it is clear that he is not yet ready to settle down separately from his mother, you should wait another 5-6 weeks and try again - perhaps the older baby will be able to become more independent.
Arguments against co-sleeping
Many parents are afraid of accidentally crushing their child in their sleep, but this is almost impossible. The wide, flat nose of a newborn allows him to breathe freely, even if he is pressed to his mother's chest. And hormones make a nursing woman’s sleep unusually sensitive - she wakes up to every movement of the baby. However, in some situations, parents should never practice co-sleeping with their baby:
- They take strong sleeping pills or sedatives;
- They experience extreme fatigue and literally “sleep standing up”;
- One of the parents is a carrier of a skin infection;
- The baby was born premature.
It is also not recommended to put your baby in the same bed next to an older child. If there is no other way out, then the parent should sleep between the children. Another popular argument against co-sleeping is its incompatibility with personal life. In fact, most families cope with this problem, because the apartment is not limited to one bed. Safety precautions when sleeping together:
- Under no circumstances should you leave your baby alone on the bed: he may fall out of it, even if he does not yet know how to crawl. When you leave the room, place the baby in a cradle or on a development mat;
- Check your mattress: it should be firm enough, without dents or gaps. It is also not recommended to sleep with your baby on a folding sofa or surrounded by many pillows;
- Remove everything unnecessary from the bed - bedspreads, soft toys and other items. All this creates a threat to the sleep of a child up to six months.
Co-sleeping can be practiced in two ways: in an adult bed or in a crib pushed close together without one side. If you choose the latter, make sure that the crib is firmly secured and cannot be accidentally moved.
Co-sleeping usually ends at the age of 3–4 years. The baby begins the “on my own” period, and he happily moves into his own crib.
When you shouldn't force your child to sleep separately
For some reasons, developing the habit of independent sleep may need to be delayed:
- The child was born before the stated date;
- Birth by caesarean section;
- There was a birth injury;
- There are signs of increased intracranial pressure;
- There is some lag in general development;
- There are signs of any skin diseases;
- The baby is excitable and whiny.
Children who exhibit at least one of the listed signs need longer contact with their mother: they have a greater need for co-sleeping than their peers.
The teething stage, as well as the period after an illness or the beginning of attending kindergarten, are very vulnerable for the baby. These events are stressful for the child’s unformed psyche, and at such moments he requires additional attention from his parents.
Falling asleep on your own: how to teach?
Regardless of whether the baby sleeps with you or separately, he needs to be put to sleep, and sometimes this process takes a long time. You can change the situation by teaching your child to fall asleep on his own. Some experts believe that it is worth starting as early as 2–4 months, since REM and NREM sleep cycles form at this age. Others suggest starting training after a year, when the nervous system matures. In any case, “science” should start when the child has an approximate sleep pattern. You will also need to come up with a bedtime ritual for your baby in advance - and repeat it exactly before each bedtime. This ritual usually takes from 15 minutes to an hour and may include bathing, brushing teeth, changing into pajamas, a story, or a lullaby. Many children like to “put away” their toys and say goodnight to them. What then? There are several options for further action.
What can't you do?
- You cannot scold the baby or raise your voice at him.
- You cannot threaten a baby, much less beat a toddler.
- You cannot use the “cry and fall asleep” method.
Agree, adults have great difficulty giving up their habits. So why should it be any different for children? But time is the best doctor. Be patient and give your beloved child time to get used to the new course of events. Try to ensure that the first step towards independence does not bring him unnecessary grief and disappointment. “Patience, just patience!” - said the best friend of all the children, Carlson. And he really knows a lot about this matter!..
What's the point
First, it is necessary for the baby to develop a clear bedtime routine and ritual. Then you can begin: put the child in the crib, wish him good night and leave the room. Very soon the baby, who is not used to falling asleep alone, will cry - then the mother needs to come back and calm him down without taking him out of the crib. You can sing lullabies, pat your baby on the back, or just sit next to him. When it calms down, leave the room again. This cycle will have to be repeated many times, gradually increasing the time interval. Ferber recommends not giving the baby breast or bottle, but entering the room specifically for loud crying, not whimpering.
If you decide to try this method, be calm, persistent and determined. It would be useful to obtain the consent of other family members to not interfere in the process. The Ferber method is not recommended for use with children under 6 months of age.
What's the point
Tracy Hogg suggests following the “PASS” formula (“nutrition, activity, sleep, freedom”). She considers the most important thing to be the creation of an individual regimen, taking into account the biological clock of each individual baby. You will need to observe your child for several days and record at what hours he begins to yawn and show fatigue. Another fundamental point is a clear separation of sleep and food. That is, you should not allow the baby to fall asleep on the chest or with a bottle.
You need to put the baby to bed after performing the sleepy ritual, using Hogg’s know-how - “hissing and patting.” This is what it looks like: you place the child's head on your shoulder and start loudly and loudly at his ear, while simultaneously patting his back in the area of the shoulder blades. The secret is that a small child quickly gets tired of such sensory overload and begins to doze off. As soon as the baby closes his eyes, you need to quickly transfer him to the crib - he should fall asleep there. Continue to hiss and pat your child on the back until he falls asleep.
This method is suitable for children from 4 to 9 - 11 months, and from about a year Hogg suggests the “hug and put” technique. After the sleepy ritual, you will need to hug your baby tightly, put him in the crib and calmly explain what is happening: “It’s late, you need to sleep and rest.” If the baby cries, use the familiar hissing/patting technique, but do not pick him up.
What's the point
The Pantley method is one of the gentlest. The author suggests analyzing and, if necessary, changing “anchors” - associations associated with the baby going to bed. For example, if a child has always fallen asleep in your arms, and now you want to put him in a crib, you need to help him fall asleep there for 10–15 days. If necessary, rock the baby to sleep, give him a breast or pacifier - all this is not forbidden. Pantley advises having a special “sleepy” item that the child will associate with rest: a toy, a small pillow or blanket. When your baby wakes up at night, give him the opportunity to go back to sleep on his own, but under no circumstances leave him alone to cry. Rock your baby, pat him on the back, or sing a lullaby. According to Pantley, over time the child will get used to a calm and stable sleep pattern and will sleep without waking up all night. This method is suitable for children from 2 to 3 months.
Motion sickness
Our mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers also used motion sickness to put their children to sleep. They did this while holding the child in their arms, or used special cradles. To this day, new parents see nothing wrong with this process.
Also, many parents note that children who are rocked in their arms subsequently agree to fall asleep only this way. And even transferring him to a crib during sleep can become difficult, because any rustling may cause the baby to wake up and ask to be put back in his arms so that he can continue to be rocked to sleep.
In addition, scientists note that children have a poorly developed vestibular apparatus. If they are rocked to sleep quickly, this can lead to slow brain function and loss of consciousness, which is perceived by parents as sleep. Therefore, it is important for the baby’s health to teach him to fall asleep without motion sickness. However, gentle rocking gives the child a feeling of tenderness and parental affection.
On our website happykids.su you can find several effective ways to rock children.
What's the point
Like other experts, Weissbluth recommends starting training when the baby has a clear bedtime routine and ritual. He advocates an early bedtime, between 6 and 8 p.m., because this is when young children are biologically inclined to sleep. You will also need to avoid overtiredness and strictly monitor the baby’s wakefulness norms. For example, if at the age of 3 months the interval between naps should be 80 - 90 minutes, start putting the baby to bed within an hour after waking up. Otherwise, Weissbluth’s method is extremely simple: after the sleepy ritual, you need to put the child in the crib, wish him good night and leave the room. But unlike other authors, Weissblut forbids responding to a child’s cry. After crying for several nights in a row, the baby will get used to being alone and will not wake up.
Of course, choosing a method of falling asleep, like other aspects of parenting, is the responsibility of the parents. But if possible, you should still prefer a soft way of laying down and not leave the baby to cry alone. This can disrupt his basic trust in the world and healthy attachment to his parents, and confidence in the love of mom and dad is a much more important need for a child than deep sleep for many hours.
