What to do if a 2 year old child does not go to the potty?

The editors of Montessori.Children were asked: “The child still does not ask to go to the toilet. Grandmothers, if reminded, can go to the toilet with the help of an adult, but in order to then press the flush. If you don't remind him, he gets the job done. They explained that he needed to go to the potty and put toys on it. They gave their own examples. Nothing. When I ask: “Shall we pee in the potty or pants?” or “Shall we go now or later?”, my son answers: “In my pants” or “Later.” As a result, he won’t go voluntarily. Only after the words “After eating you need to pee” can you be led by the hand to the potty, and not always. How to teach a child to ask to use the potty himself? He himself cannot take off his pants yet – his arms are weak due to total obstetric paralysis.”

Child psychologist and Montessori teacher Anna Fedosova answers the question.

At what age should a child be taught to urinate in a special place?

Most parents are convinced that children should be potty trained at the age of six months. Some unique people manage to do this even earlier. However, all this is nothing more than an attempt to save on diapers and show off to friends. Also, great pressure is put on moms and dads by grandmothers, who are surprised how their grandson or great-grandson pees in his pants every year.

Pediatricians and neurologists say that a child has the right to relieve himself wherever he wants until he is three years old. Of course, after 12-18 months, most children already prefer to ask to go to the toilet. However, the absence of such a habit at this age is not a pathology. What should parents do? What to do if a 2 year old child does not go to the potty? Let's consider some methods of influencing a baby at this age.

Ways to potty train a child

Potty training in Africa is interesting. There, women potty train their children from birth. Moreover, if a baby who is a week old pees in diapers, then his mother is considered inattentive.

And it is indeed believed that during the first month the baby gives simple signals about the desire to go to the toilet.

And if there is time, then mothers can control everything. But after a month this ability disappears.

For example, the best age for training in Europe is considered to be 2 years, and in America - about 2.5 years.

The famous children's doctor Komarovsky recommends not potty training a baby with a negative emotional background.

Any little one will sooner or later learn by repeating after their parents or peers.

Most training efforts are not caused by caring for the child, but by the desire to reduce the cost of diapers, reduce the number of washes and look no worse than others. Don't use aggressive potty training methods. If the baby is frightened by the discontent of the parents or is squeezed, then the process will not work.

If you teach it according to the system, then a calm and contented baby will be much more willing to learn a new skill.

Don't forget to praise your baby for any achievements. Emotions of approval are understandable to any toddler, and what is positively assessed develops better.

From my experience, the best way to teach something is to provide a process in the form of a game. To quickly instill a certain skill, you must first wean off diapers. First of all, you need to show that diapers only get in the way and it will be easier to potty train your child.

To do this, do not remove it until it is full and becomes too heavy. After a year, you can’t keep your baby in a diaper all the time.

It is important to avoid diapers so that your child can differentiate between wet and dry clothes. Keep children under one year of age over a bathtub or basin.

And older kids are seated on the potty. In addition, there are special times when it is recommended to carry out the procedure. Children most often want to after sleep and after eating.

Training method in 7 days

Parents can try a special method of potty training in 7 days. This system is called “Satisfied Baby” .

Here are the main points of this system:

1. On the first day, they take off the diaper and often put him on the potty. You can even demonstrate an adult toilet and show why it is needed. The process is repeated every quarter of an hour. You can't scold the baby.
2. On the second day, the skills need to be consolidated. It is important to control the process.
3. On the third day you should not wear diapers. Before going outside, you need to hold your baby over the toilet. At first, you can take a toiletry item with you. And within a few days the child will learn to restrain himself.
4. By the fourth day, many babies show a desire to go to the bathroom on their own. But it is still necessary to remind the children who are playing about the toilet about the toilet. You also need to encourage and not show dissatisfaction. You need to monitor your hikes until the end of the week.

Training method in 3 days

Let's look at what other methods there are. One of them is designed for three days. And he will go to the potty himself. It is used when it’s time to go to kindergarten or before a trip.

Within a couple of weeks, your baby should be introduced to the potty. It is important to purchase this attribute and tell what it is for.

It’s worth telling that soon you will need to change your diaper to panties and start going to the toilet. Choose a few days when you can focus only on your baby. This makes it easier to potty train your child. The next three days should go like this:

1. The baby should be without diapers for the entire first day. You can also wear panties. It is important to monitor your child all day and not let go of the toilet. As soon as you see that the child is about to urinate, then bring the potty. If the baby manages to go, then it should end with praise. You still need to wear a diaper at night.
2. On the second day, you should watch the baby and try to have time to put him on the potty. You can go out without a diaper, but you should take spare clothes with you.
3. On the third day, you can go for a walk even twice. The baby goes potty at home. This should be done before a walk, after it, after waking up and before bed.

So that your baby can use the toilet himself, you need to choose clothes that you can easily take off on your own.

Offer an alternative to a hated accessory

If a 2-year-old child does not go to the potty, Komarovsky suggests providing the child with an alternative. The baby is already quite big and understands everything perfectly. He sees mom and dad relieving themselves in another place and wants to do the same.

Try replacing the potty with a regular toilet. If you do not have the opportunity to install a special children's plumbing device, then purchase a regular cover. Remember that the product should be as convenient and comfortable as possible for the baby. Securely attach the seat to an adult toilet and invite your child to relieve himself there. Most likely, the baby will be interested in such a change of scenery. Even for the sake of his own interest, the child will want to follow your example. Perhaps, from this day on, the baby will not go to the potty, but use an adult toilet.

Replace the device with another one

If a 2-year-old child does not go to the potty and refuses to accept it at all, then most likely he simply has unpleasant associations. Remember, did you teach your baby to defecate into this particular device by force? Perhaps the child simply remembered the negative aspects and now does not want to use such a device.

There is a way out of this situation. Just buy a new pot. It is desirable that not only the color, but the very shape of the product differ. Encourage your child to choose the accessory themselves. In this case, there is a high probability that the child will want to use the potty immediately and will always do so.

Give up diapers

Does your 2 year old child not go to the potty? Are you still using diapers and absorbent panties? Then it's not about the baby at all. Most likely, the parents themselves are not yet able to admit that their child has already grown up and can relieve himself independently. Dad and mom don't let the two-year-old know that without diapers his pants will get wet, and that will be very unpleasant.

Avoid absorbent devices. Stop wearing diapers at night and during the day. Within a few days you will be able to notice that the child has begun to show interest in the potty. He will simply be uncomfortable in wet pants.

Helping your child learn to dress independently

Clothing should be comfortable for the child to take off and put on. Bodysuits, overalls, pants with straps, sweaters with clasps on the back or collar - a large number of children's clothing is designed in such a way that it is difficult even for an adult to put it on independently.

But even those clothes that are formally suitable for putting on independently are often difficult for children: trousers with a button are much more difficult to take off and put on than trousers with an elastic band; tights are more difficult than pants and socks; woven clothing is less pliable than stretchy knitted clothing; narrow or too wide are worse than moderately loose clothing in size.

During the potty training period, when the baby often changes pants, there is no need for panties if the pants themselves are made of a material that does not chafe. And putting on and taking off one layer of clothing is much easier than several. It’s useful to take all this into account when choosing a baby’s wardrobe if we want him to start dressing himself as early as possible.

We show you how it’s more convenient. The baby learns to change clothes on his own when we ourselves, while changing his clothes, show him a way to do it that can be copied and done by himself. For example, if you pull off a T-shirt by asking the child to stretch his arms up, then the child himself cannot repeat this procedure. If you help him free his hands and then remove the shirt from his head, then the baby gradually learns to take it off himself. Consider your actions in putting on and taking off each item of clothing from the point of view of whether the child will be able to adopt this experience.

The child should have access to a small selection of spare clothes and dirty laundry. This way he can independently remove soiled clothes, take clean ones and sit in a convenient place to change clothes.

Don't scold your baby

If a 2-year-old child does not go to the potty, many parents resort to drastic measures. They begin to scold the baby or even beat him. It is worth saying that these actions are absolutely wrong. Using this method, you will only reinforce a negative attitude towards the hated accessory.

Stop scolding and shaming your child. Try to remind him more often that it is time to pee in the potty. Ask periodically if he wants to go to the toilet. At this age, children are already quite capable of controlling their desires and feeling the fullness of their intestines.

Create motivation

If a 2-year-old child does not go to the potty, then most likely he is just lazy. He does not have any motivation that would contribute to the desire to defecate in the right place.

Invite your child to choose and buy underwear for him together. These could be panties with your favorite cartoon character or shorts in your preferred color. Already on the very first day of wearing the chosen outfit, you will notice that the child has begun to use the potty. All because the baby does not want to spoil his favorite thing that he chose for himself.

Any treat can also serve as motivation. What does your child love most? Candy or chocolate? Juice or cookies? Tell him that you will immediately reward him as soon as he starts peeing in the potty. Remember that your promise must be kept. Otherwise, the baby will simply be disappointed in you and continue his policy.

Let's be patient

We must understand that even if all favorable conditions are met, children are initially very imperfect in their movements and narrow-minded in their understanding of the situation. It’s common for kids to take a long time to change clothes, then go wash their hands and, hearing the murmur of water, “murmur” themselves. At first it’s even interesting to change clothes endlessly. But sooner or later it gets boring and encourages even those children who were not irritated by wet clothes to use the potty or toilet. Moreover, it is better for you to set yourself up for “late”, so as not to undermine your reserve of patience by expecting early success.

Support your child and rejoice in his success no matter what the outcome: if he successfully used the potty - the fact that he went to the potty; if he went to change clothes, having soiled his pants, it means that he showed independence, corrects his mistakes himself, and how much better he managed to change clothes than last time.

If you convey this positive connotation to each outcome, the child himself will be able to feel proud of his successes. If you gloat or get angry: “I told you I had to go to the toilet,” “Yeah, again you’ll have to bother with dirty clothes and getting dressed,” then the child will not be happy and strive to learn to dress on his own, and feelings about All this fuss around the potty and getting dressed will only be negative for him, which will not inspire him to further self-improvement in these areas of self-care.

Select the pot

If a two-year-old child does not go to the potty, then simply take this item away from him. Seems pretty stupid, doesn't it? However, it is worth saying that all children at this age are terrible owners. They do not want to share their toys and personal belongings even with their parents. What can we say about strangers and peers!

Take the child's potty and simply say that you will give it to another child (birds, dog, etc.). No one else knows the baby like you. Choose the object for which such a gift is provided, based on your child’s considerations. Perhaps he doesn't like to share toys with the neighbor boy? So tell him that the pot is intended specifically for him. It is likely that after such sayings of yours, the child will take his device and immediately use it. As a result, you will achieve what you wanted. If necessary, remind your child periodically that the potty can still go to another owner if it is not used.

Recommendations from psychologists and experienced parents

Psychologists and experienced mothers recommend being patient and less upset if the baby doesn’t succeed. Even if for several days in a row a stubborn person categorically refuses to sit on the potty, screams, and gets angry, this does not mean that this will always continue.

Selecting the right device

When choosing a useful device, consider the following recommendations:

• buy a simple model without unnecessary bells and whistles, otherwise the natural process risks turning into an exciting game, but without the result you need;
• a round shape is more suitable for girls, for boys - with a small protrusion in front;
• choose quality plastic. You can’t save money: cheap products often contain toxic components;
• The container should be stable, suitable in size, the edges should be wide enough so as not to put pressure on the delicate skin. Remember: when studying, your son or daughter will spend a lot of time here, comfort is a must.

During the period of getting used to the new process, remind him more often that the potty is not a toy. If your baby is playing around (putting a container on his head, driving around the room like on a typewriter), stop the pampering in time. Don't laugh, don't let your relatives do this. An incorrect reaction causes confusion among children: why can’t they play around with a new thing if everyone is having fun?

The most effective method

Many mothers recommend calling home more often or visiting friends (relatives) whose children are already potty trained. Having a role model makes the task much easier and saves parents time and nerves.

Looking at another child successfully using the potty, showing with all his appearance: “I’m already an adult,” the child will certainly want to do the same. If children understand what is wanted from them, by the age of one and a half years it is not difficult for them to repeat the same actions.

Remember the nursery group. Even the little ones quickly understand how to use the new device. “A friend’s example” is rightly considered the fastest way to teach the “adult way” to relieve oneself.

Useful tips

Do you think your daughter or son is old enough to start studying? Act correctly, despair less if the child does not immediately understand what he should do.

Helpful Tips:

• buy a pot and put it in a visible place. The child will certainly be interested in what kind of thing appeared at home;
• Explain why the new item is needed, tell us that all adult children pee and poop not in their pants, but “over there, in this hole.” Allow him to sit if the child asks, but don’t force him;
• show how to ask (with words or gestures). Children quickly remember the designation of the process, grunt diligently, wanting to attract attention and earn praise;
• the environment at home should be calm: stress negatively affects the ability to relax;
• remove the carpets, lay a large oilcloth on the bed, and a diaper on top so that the baby can walk without diapers before urinating;
• Keep track of when you urinate/defecate for several days. In most cases, the urge appears a short time after eating. The task of parents is to seize the moment so that the children do not sit on the potty for a long time, quickly urinate or go “big”;
• Wear diapers only for sleeping; at home, let the child wear only panties, sometimes he goes without them. The baby must understand how urination/ bowel movements occur, know what the genitals look like, and where urine comes from. Make sure that children do not pay too much attention to the genitals;
• Usually, attentive parents quickly understand that urination or bowel movement will occur in a minute or two. Act without delay, immediately seat the child on the potty: you cannot pull, so as not to scare him. Distract the baby so that he can sit quietly, at least for a few minutes. If you have time, be sure to praise your son or daughter and show him what is in the container after his efforts. Tell him that his pants are now dry, like an adult’s.

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A few more recommendations:

• at first, shortly before the expected bowel or bladder emptying, remove your panties to catch the moment;
• Accompany each successful “hit” with praise, say that the child is growing up. You can give a small gift;
• If you fail, do not scold the children under any circumstances, refuse offensive words. It is forbidden to humiliate, show dirty/wet panties to family members, or make a child hysterical. In addition to disgust for the hated object, psychological problems, neuroses, and sleep disturbances will appear;
• say that you are upset if the baby forgot to ask to write on time, but restrain obvious disappointment;
• You can’t force someone to sit down or stand there as a guard. Psychological/physical pressure makes it difficult to relax, children are nervous, and it’s unlikely to be possible to go out “like adults”;
• You can’t make a “concert” out of a simple process. You should also not expose a peeing baby to everyone: create calm conditions for the natural process.

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Carrot and stick

If a two-year-old child does not go to the potty, what to do? It also happens that all of the above methods do not help. Some children are so stubborn that they do not want to give in to any conditions and compromise. In this case, you can try punishment. However, you need to know for sure that the baby behaves this way precisely because of stubbornness.

Many mothers say that after several punishments, children began to use the potty quite normally. The whip can be a ban on cartoons, denial of a new toy, deprivation of sweets, and so on. Most likely, after such influences, the baby will agree to use the hated device in order to return the joys of his life.

Consult a doctor and get treatment

If a 2-year-old child does not go to the potty, what should his parents do? In some cases, this symptom is a sign of pathology. The baby may need medical attention. Contact doctors such as a urologist, nephrologist, pediatrician and neurologist. They will conduct the necessary examinations and make the correct diagnosis.

If your baby also has any neurological problems, then this option is quite likely. In this case, you cannot delay the correction. Timely treatment will allow you to quickly and without consequences restore control of urinary function, and the baby will begin to go potty.

Waiting attitude

What to do if a child at two years old refuses to go to the potty? Just wait. If you have been to the doctor and the doctor said that everything is fine with the baby, then you do not have to worry about anything. The baby will not pee in his pants until adulthood. Most likely, after a few months or weeks, the baby will show interest in his accessory and will begin to relieve himself there.

Remember the opinions of experienced doctors. Experts say that a child has every right not to use a potty until he is three years old. Don’t look at other children and, of course, you shouldn’t believe parents who claim that their baby is asking to go to the toilet from the cradle. At night, a child may urinate in his pants until he reaches the age of five. Be patient. You may not have to wait that long. Most children by the age of three are already using the potty independently day and night. However, there are exceptions that only confirm the rule.

Making it easy to access

The child should have easy access to the potty or toilet. Remind your child about the need to go to the toilet, but do not insist categorically, giving the child the opportunity to assess the situation and make a decision. Even if it is obvious to you that this decision will lead to stained clothes.

Our task is to make this obvious to the child based on his personal experience. If the child has additional points of interest in connection with going to the toilet, such as interest in flushing the cistern, this is a good additional incentive. But you shouldn’t invent special entertainment in the toilet: this will distract from the idea that the opportunity to use the toilet in a timely manner is wonderful and useful in itself.