Over time, the little person finds himself in a society where he needs to know how to live. At first it is a garden, then a school, a university, and so on. Often, interaction with other people forces a child to defend his rights and positions, to face injustice and aggression. It is especially difficult for boys. They, as future men, must be able to stand up for themselves, and for the girl, and for anyone offended and weak. Is it possible to teach this to a child and how not to turn him into a brawler and a bully?
Why can't children stand up for themselves?
First, think about how you communicate with your son, whether the atmosphere at home is friendly, and whether you respect the rights of the child. After all, most often problems come from the family.
A child who grows up in love will not become angry and aggressive. When faced with an offender, he will not fight back, but will only be surprised by his behavior.
Children who are overprotected and overprotected grow up timid and conflict-free. At the first incident, they will seek protection from adults rather than try to solve the problem.
Often parents “program” their child by repeating the same thing over and over again. For example, saying that “good” children don’t fight. Then they themselves are surprised when their son does not know how to give change.
Others tirelessly reproach the boy for his helplessness, calling him a “slobber” and “weakling.” This creates even more fear in the child, fearing to disappoint his father, the baby stops telling him that he is being offended and withdraws into himself.
“Programs” are generally very dangerous for children. They affect the child's unconscious. Parents themselves don’t even notice how they create insecurity in the little man. Remarks like “just like your grandfather”, “you can’t do anything all the time”, “how many times should I tell you” - inspire the child that something is wrong with him, make him feel guilty all the time. This not only affects the boy’s relationships with his peers, but also seriously affects the child’s life in the future.
Why else does the child not know how to give change?
- perhaps he does not accept this method of resolving the conflict;
- The boy has no experience in resolving problems, because his parents, instead of teaching him to stand up for himself, simply decided everything without his participation.
Recommendation #7: Let your child know that you will always help him if necessary.
The child should know that he can always count on your support. Tell your child that if he needs help, for example during a verbal argument or fight, you will be there for him. And, if something happens, you can intervene in the situation.
For example, sit in a car and watch events unfold from there. Stand next to him, where he cannot be seen. Or watch from the windows of a nearby building.
If you are with your child in a stressful situation, he will feel more comfortable and confident. Will be able to put the offender in his place. And he will not be afraid, if something happens, to give him physical rebuff.
Should you always fight back?
Sometimes parents themselves make a mountain out of a mountain. Driven by their internal grievances and fears, they see the child’s humiliation in everything. Children are simple people. Now he was pushed a little, after 5 minutes he accidentally bumped into someone. What happens if they didn’t take you into the game or teased? Not all situations are so dramatic and worth investigating.
However, by focusing on the offense, adults once again focus attention on trifles and thus only harm the child, inflating his pride. Children who only think about how to defend their dignity do not take root in society.
Recommendation #3: Every act of physical violence must be responded to appropriately.
Here's an example:
- If a child is hit on the shoulder with a fist, he should do the same.
- If a child is given a butt, then he must give a butt in return.
- If a child is hit in the face with a hand, he should do the same.
This is necessary in order to show the bully: for every action there will be a reaction. Which must be done with more force than the bully did. So that the latter, again, loses the desire to show physical aggression towards your child.
If the child has become a “target”
In any children's group there will be a couple of offenders and bullies. The teacher must subdue their ardor and teach them how to interact with others.
Protect
If your son is regularly bullied, the first thing you need to do is contact your teacher or teacher and try to clarify the picture. It’s also worth talking to the parents of the hooligans. Do not make a scandal in the presence of children, but calmly discuss the situation and find a compromise.
Don't be afraid to harm your baby. He would not contact you if he could fend for himself on his own. While the child is small, it is the duty of adults to protect him. The kid should know that mom and dad are always there and will come to the rescue if their son is offended. Only then will the baby feel confident and soon learn to give change.
But this does not mean that you need to turn into “troublemakers” and run to school to sort things out for any reason.
Remove from traumatic environment
If even after such “talks” your son continues to be bullied at school or kindergarten, it is worth changing the educational institution. Perhaps teachers are simply not able to create the right psychological climate in the team and calm down brawlers. The next school may have completely different values, where it is not customary to give back, but friendship and justice are held in high esteem.
Recognize a provocateur
However, if even after changing the institution, the child could not settle down and remained a “whipping boy”, think about whether he is actually a “victim”. Maybe he is the first to provoke the guys with his behavior.
This often happens when a child who is spoiled at home is used to always being the center of attention. In class he is mischievous and capricious, and having achieved a reaction, he immediately runs to complain to his parents. In this case, it is worth teaching the child not so much how to fight back, but how to make concessions, find a compromise, share and other basics of cooperation.
Recommendation #5: Ensure that the child is not afraid of anyone or anything
Your task is to cultivate courage in your child from early childhood. And also the absence of fear in relation to anything. For example, if an offender approaches him in the school hallway and tries to humiliate him, then he should behave calmly. Speak in a confident voice. Make sure there is no trembling in him. And also so that the speech is coherent and understandable.
Also, the child must be prepared for a fight to break out. However, it is strictly not recommended to be the first to get into it. Because in this case the child will have problems with teachers.
A child should react calmly to attempts to insult himself. Respond to insults in the same way. And try to mentally crush your opponent. If he manages to achieve this, then the situation will not come to a fight.
The right attitude is the key to victory
First of all, the child needs to be taught that defending interests is not always violence. You don't have to give change to prove you're right. Otherwise, the baby will quickly learn the lessons of assault, get a taste for it and turn into a brawler himself. And such children will face alienation and rejection from society.
Worth reading:
- Raising a son
- Raising boys
If you decide to teach your child to stand up for himself, you should listen to some advice from psychologists.
Encourage communication with other children
Only experience in resolving situations can teach a boy to stand up for himself. It has been noticed that outwardly calm and quiet guys do not necessarily become targets for ridicule. The team respects self-confident individuals, who sometimes only need a glance to calm the offender.
Do not humiliate your child with corporal punishment
When a boy is suppressed with a belt, he grows up to be a weak-willed and hunted animal who is accustomed to humiliation.
Let the child calm down
When an angry child is ready to get into a fight and deal with the offender, try to calm him down. Try to explain to him that in this way he will become like a bully, and together find ways to pacify the bully. Discuss the incident and together look for the reasons for its occurrence. This way you can teach your child how to act the next time you have to stand up for yourself.
Help overcome fear
When an adult tirelessly talks about the “cruelty of the world,” the child feels tense all the time. Not finding the strength to defeat the enemy camp, fear and aggression are born in his soul. The child must be taught that the world is kind. Yes, there is sometimes injustice in it, but goodness still wins in the end.
Don't focus on problems
Do everything so that your baby can relax at home and take his mind off the negativity. When parents comment on the incident all evening, instead of teaching compliance and moral support for their son, his anger accumulates and the desire for revenge only strengthens.
good must be with fists
Everyone knows this. Sometimes, in order to stand up for yourself, you have to respond blow to blow. Find a good sports section for your son, where he will be taught how to fight back.
Strength is in truth: whoever is right is stronger
The feeling of pity and injustice can suppress fear, and a person with a kind soul will not allow the weak to be offended. By protecting another, he becomes more self-confident, bolder and stronger. The next time you have to fight back, the baby will not be afraid of his offender.
More advice from a psychologist
- You need to keep your own emotions under control, control your own speech, learn to control yourself, and then the offender will not be interested in this.
- We live together. It is necessary to explain that we need to live in peace. And friendship itself is built on respect.
- Do not forget that your child is a reflection of your family relationships, and everything directly depends on the parents.
To prevent your child from becoming an outcast, explain how you can get out of any controversial situations.
This can happen using the example of ordinary games, you can stage any situations, watch thematic videos. Remember that in this case you should not be shy, and at any time you can turn to a psychologist for help. leave a comment
Replacing the cable
In some cases, you will have to replace the entire matrix cable with a new one. First of all, you need to purchase a new part - you can order it at a repair shop, but before that, find out the exact model of your TV, the year of manufacture of the TV or monitor. You can change a faulty matrix cable yourself or at a service center. For repairs, you will need a certain set of tools: screwdrivers or bits PH, PZ, TORX, HEX, SL.
The connection cable is located inside the case, therefore, it must be carefully disassembled. It is necessary to disconnect the roof, carefully unscrew all the bolts and get to the part itself.
Most connections are secured using special connectors; the wires do not have to be soldered. Just press the latch (the connection principle is similar to Internet or telephone cables).
The designs of televisions from different companies, such as Samsung (Samsung), Sony (Sony), Philips (Philips), may differ slightly, so you should use the instructions, or order assembly details on the company’s official website.
Useful fairy tales
As part of fairy tale therapy, tell your child about noble knights protecting the weak, about superheroes saving the world, about valiant warriors fighting for justice.
Be sure to tell your child about the concepts of justice and nobility, explain what actions are considered bad, dishonest, and offensive.
Understanding the general principles of morality and ethics, the child himself will want to become such a knight. The desire to protect the weak and punish the villain sometimes overshadows any complexes and fears!
I will answer the two most frequently asked questions here:
1. How do the son and his friend feel now and how did they react to my intervention? I answer: We discussed everything with the boys. At first they were very scared. Moreover, the aggression of the “cool” even intensified after our meeting with the parents. The “cool ones” discussed how to meet guys after school, showed Misha notes “1000 rubles, or your dog will die.” But we decided not to miss school.
I called at every break, my husband picked Petya up from school. I also promised to hire them a bodyguard if the threats became even remotely realistic. But the more activity the school developed (meetings, conversations), the more the class realized that this was all serious. And he calmed down. I gave Petya this post to read and asked what to write. He said everything was ok. They communicate with the classmates from the described story calmly, and at most, both sides clarify each other’s assignments. And school representatives regularly check with him about how things are going in the class.
2. And if there were no facts about vaping, what would I do then? I answer: I would sue for photoshopped facts (“for the protection of honor and dignity”). I would start going to the director and the juvenile affairs inspectorate. By the way! Our young and beautiful inspector recommended doing just that - without waiting for “weighty” facts, contact them. I would write to the Department of Education.
I am very sad that this topic has become so popular. I would really like my experience NOT to be useful to anyone. And thank you all for your support!!!"
Recommendation #8: Enroll your child in martial arts
Martial arts will help cultivate spirit, strength and fearlessness in a child. If a boy does them, he will become strong. Get a toned figure. Will begin to feel more confident. He will find true friends who, if anything happens, will stand up for him. And he will never be afraid of anything.
Martial arts is a very rewarding sport. It will allow your child to develop in all directions. Both physically and spiritually. Therefore, we definitely recommend enrolling your child in the martial arts section.
