Why is it important to raise a child from childhood?

Irony of Fate: having taken offense at his “unfair” parents in childhood and promising himself that he will raise his own children in a completely different way, almost every new parent begins raising a child... with the same “carrot and stick” that was used before him all generations of moms and dads!

Where did all his good intentions go to amaze the world and his “backward ancestors” with unique methods and techniques for educating the younger generation? What about his statements that he will allow his children absolutely everything: from a tattoo on the cheek to street racing at night, from a Madagascar cockroach in a jar on the dining table to parkour in unfinished high-rise buildings?

Everything returns to normal: and in the hands of a grown teenager, who once promised waterfalls of tenderness and endless kisses to future heirs, a frayed belt suddenly appears imperceptibly, the voice takes on the metallic notes of an experienced “tamer of the obstinate”, and communication with the child is rapidly reduced to routine questions on the run: “Have you eaten? Have you learned your lessons? Did you remember to take the money?”

At what age to start

At what age should you start raising a child? According to the unanimous opinion of psychologists, upbringing begins during the period when you decide to become parents. Even in the womb, the baby feels the mother’s mood, her emotional state, which greatly affects his character and health. There are age stages of raising a child:

• prenatal;
• from birth to one year;
• from one to three years;
• preschool;
• from 7 years to 12;
• teenage;
• youth.

What is education?

Today I want to talk about what education is and why it is needed.

From birth, any person undergoes the process of education. First, the child is raised by the parents, then the team in which the child ends up joins the educational process. And society greatly influences the formation of a child’s personality.

If you look at the process of education broadly, then all people raise each other throughout their lives. A child raises adults, a wife raises her husband, a husband raises his wife, a boss raises his subordinates, etc.

Thus, education is an influence in which the growth and development of the individual occurs, the qualities of the individual are developed and formed, and behavior changes.

When a child is born, every mother intuitively understands what needs to be done: feed, change the diaper, play, take a walk... It seems difficult - sleepless nights, not enough time for yourself, no opportunity to rest when you want. But when a child grows up, it becomes much more difficult: he doesn’t put away toys, doesn’t want to go to kindergarten, doesn’t listen, is stubborn, throws tantrums. And here the first question arises: what to do?

The child grows, but the problems do not decrease. New problems arise at school: he studies poorly, is insolent to adults, makes friends with a bad boy, etc. And again the same question arises: what to do?

And this is a completely natural question. We were not taught what to do with children, how to raise them, so that they would grow up to be independent, thinking, kind, responsible, so that they would learn everything. How to do it? We need to educate. How to educate?

Parents discover that their pedagogical knowledge is failing: the child grows up selfish, the child does not want to learn, and is often rude. Parents cannot identify the real reasons, so they refer to bad heredity, bad teachers, bad friends, etc. But they often reach a dead end.

It completely misses the fact that raising children is a profession like any other. Like any specialty, it requires certain training from the teacher.

The question arises again: so what to do? Re-reading another stack of parenting books? To be honest, it is impossible to educate using books. Each child is individual and unique. It is also impossible to educate without books, because our pedagogical knowledge is not enough. We adopt something from our parents, but in principle, we do it as it turns out, based on our social status, our rules and norms.

Therefore, the best option is to educate based on books, taking into account the individuality of your child, and not be afraid to try different methods and methods.

When should you start raising a child?

At one of his famous lectures to the famous teacher A.S. Makarenko was asked the question at what age should education begin. Makarenko asked: “How old is your child?” The parent replied: “Five years.” And the teacher replied: “You are 5 years late.”

Popular wisdom also says that a child should begin to be raised when he lies across the bench. Modern scientists involved in perinatal psychology argue that education occurs already in the womb.

And indeed it is so. The emotional connection between mother and child begins during intrauterine development. Many people notice that the child reacts to sounds, light, and the emotional state of the mother.

The success of education in each family depends on the following factors:

• characteristics of the personalities of family members;
• value orientations of family members;
• needs and tastes of family members.

As you can see, not only methods and means of education play a big role in the educational process.

Thus, parenting is a complex process. I will gradually cover this topic. Therefore, join the discussion and exchange of experiences.

Features of raising young children

Having been born, from his first days the little one absorbs all the information that he can perceive, and he develops conditioned reflexes. From the first months of birth, the mother talks to the baby while dressing and feeding, talking about the house and the relatives around him.

In the first years of life, the baby's personality begins to form. At this time, various foundations for human development are laid:

• the first emotions appear;
• memory develops;
• needs in society are formed.

Until the age of three, a child’s senses improve, and he begins to perceive information auditorily and visually. He masters the simplest rules of behavior, tastes, habits, and attachments are formed.

From an early age, parents need to establish clear rules of discipline that the child must follow. At the same time, children should not be punished so that they do not develop aggressive behavior.

It is very important during this period to properly organize the process of training and education. Adults must follow a number of rules:

1. Do not hurry. It is better to repeat words, games and actions several times.
2. Praise. You need to come up with encouragement if the child wants to do something on his own.
3. Keep one tactic. The family should not have different opinions about education.
4. Approach individually. There is no need to demand from your child something that he is not interested in or is not yet able to do.
5. Use prohibitions correctly. Any prohibition must be justified by explaining to the child why this should not be done.
6. Be optimistic. You should always be calm around your baby. If you worry and worry, the baby will also be insecure and lose the desire to develop.
7. Diversify a child's life. Create situations in which the baby will receive positive emotions.

Positive emotions play a major role in raising young children. Even if the baby does not understand the meaning of the words, he will react to the intonation of the voice and mood.

Early child development and upbringing

Books, Library » Child psychology, Self-development » Raising children
© Masaru Ibuka

Fragment of the book by Ibuka M. Until three is the time! 76 tips for early education. - St. Petersburg: Peter, 2021.

Masaru Ibuka is one of the founders of the Sony Corporation, also known as the author of the early childhood education method. He writes about his new book: “I am not a professional teacher, but that is why I notice things that are difficult for a specialist to notice. Young children have unlimited potential. I first presented my theory of early development in the book After Three It's Late. Since then, brain science and medicine have made great strides and confirmed that young children really do have amazing abilities.”

What do some parents understand by early development? Until the age of three, when a child’s brain has unique abilities, they do not pay any attention to this, and after three they begin to teach him what they teach in elementary school. This is fundamentally wrong. You cannot make a child a genius, forgetting that first of all you must raise him to be a good person.

And it's not as difficult as it might seem. My approach is very logical and effective. For older people like me, to remember something, you need to repeat it an infinite number of times. And if the mother develops the child from birth, he will easily learn everything he needs.

Any mother can raise a child at the age of images

As you know, it is too late to start raising children after three years; you need to start at the age of images. But the question is: who, what and how should teach the child at this time?

Let's deal with the "who" first. Considering that upbringing at this age is based on using the child’s ability to recognize different images, it must be the mother. The age from birth to one or two years is a period of active development; at this time the child is constantly with his mother. To use his ability to recognize patterns, you need to constantly, patiently and repeatedly repeat the same thing with him. And who else can do this except a mother who loves the baby and is always nearby?

Some might argue that this is too difficult a task. In fact, if a child's ability to recognize patterns is used at the age of images, he will easily learn everything he needs. During this period, the baby seems to be asking his mother: show me more, continue. And through repetition, the mother can consolidate a variety of information in his head.

Now let's look at the "what" and "how". This should be decided by the mother. The main thing I want to draw attention to is that the amazing abilities of a child at this age are needed not only to make him a genius in English or music. The most important thing is to teach him the basic rules of life in society. Raise a full-fledged personality, a person who thinks not only about himself, but also about the people around him.

From the bottom of my heart I want to thank various scientists and specialists for their invaluable experience and knowledge, which they shared on the pages of the journal “Early Child Development”, the authors of books from which I learned a lot of new things, and, of course, the mothers who told me in letters about their experience of raising children.

A good mother loves her child and strives to raise him correctly

“Good” and “bad” are a very convenient yardstick to evaluate things, actions and events. But such an assessment is extremely subjective: the same music seems good to some and bad to others, this always happens. Moreover, there is no single standard that allows us to determine a “good mother” and a “good child,” because all people are different.

The Japanese, who have lived abroad for a long time and returned home, unanimously claim that Japanese children have no sense of responsibility to society. They mean that children in public places do not think about the inconvenience that they can create for others with their behavior. For example, in the subway, children jump into the car without waiting in line to quickly take a seat, or dirty the clothes of the person sitting next to them, without paying any attention to it. The harshest criticism in this case is directed against the mother, who allows all this.

Situations like this are a problem in education. If you ask people what a “good child” means, everyone will answer differently. But the majority will be unanimous in their assessment of “good” and “bad” in relation to the mother.

A “good mother” loves her child and tries to raise him with dignity - everyone will agree with this.

Everyone imagines a “good child” in their own way. But if a mother does not strive to raise her child to be good (in her idea of ​​good), she has failed as a parent. I am convinced that the basic qualities of a “good child” are established before the age of three, when the parent can fully control him.

The famous American psychologist Professor Jerome Bruner believes that good parents “establish a non-verbal connection with the child even before he begins to speak, and with its help they communicate and play with him, thereby developing him.” In other words, good parents consciously influence a child at the age of images in order to raise him correctly. They usually say that a child can grow up without parents, but “growing up” and “getting educated” are completely different things. If a mother does not love her child and does not try to raise him, the child will never grow up good.

Before kindergarten, a child can easily “pick up” the mother’s character and behavior

They say that a child is a mirror of his mother. Look at a child and you will understand what kind of people his parents are. The influence that maternal education has on a preschool child is stronger than the mother can imagine. Pediatricians usually observe the child and mother together. They say that experienced doctors, with one glance at a child, can determine what kind of person his mother is.

Here, for example, is the story of Doi Yoshiko from Kobe, who has been working in the field of preschool education for many years. Doi runs a kindergarten and has graduated about 5,000 children to date. She talked about three methods that she used when admitting children to kindergarten.

The first is a joint test for mother and child, the second is a first-come, first-served test, and the third is a draw. Why did she use all three methods? In the first case, many mothers complained that the entrance test affected their dignity as mothers: if the child failed, they believed that it was their fault. In the second case, those wishing to enter the kindergarten came at night and stood in line to sign up. In the end I had to use a third method.

I was interested in how different the children who came to the kindergarten were in different ways. According to Doi Yoshiko, the children who got into the kindergarten by the first method had the best abilities, and among the children chosen by the third method, there were many not very smart children. Approximately 300 children graduate from its kindergarten each year. Among the children admitted to kindergarten based on testing results, 40–50 later entered the best universities in the country. And among the children selected by the second and third methods, the percentage of those admitted was significantly lower.

Of course, I don’t think that children who went to regular universities are worse than those who went to better universities. Many people mistakenly believe that in order for a child to enter a prestigious university, it is necessary to engage in his education even before kindergarten. This is wrong. But the maternal upbringing and development that a child receives before kindergarten affects his entire life. The future of the child depends on the mother - her responsibility is so great.

A mother should pay close attention to raising a child up to two years of age

If you ask modern young mothers why they gave birth to a child, the answer can often be the irresponsible “my husband wanted it” or “there should be a child in the family.” Sometimes they even answer “out of boredom,” and in this case the child is just a toy for adults. But if, on the contrary, you ask women without children why they don’t give birth, you will hear such selfish answers: “the child will interfere with work,” “life is already hard,” “the child will take up all the time and will not be left for oneself.”

The program “Women's Vocation” was broadcast on Japanese television: none of the fifty participants answered that their vocation was to raise children. When a working woman gets married, she is forced to do three big things at the same time: work, raise a child, and take care of the house. Therefore, it is understandable when modern women doubt whether to have children. But is there any more important job for a woman than raising a child?

Here is what the Japanese violinist and teacher Suzuki Shinichi, the founder of the world-famous method of teaching the violin, says about this:

“You say that you are very busy with different things and there is no time left for the child. But what could be more important in this world than raising children? If you have such an occupation, then why did you even give birth to a child? You can do your “important things” until you are fifty or sixty years old. When you’re done, then have children!” How can women who gave birth to a child out of boredom, and women who do not give birth because a child will interfere with work, respond to this?

The famous critic and essayist Akiyama Chieko, a career woman who excelled in all three responsibilities: work, raising children and housekeeping, believes that women who deliberately do not have children are simply lazy. Raising children is not a useless task, it is one of the main tasks in a woman’s life, and that is why, according to her, she could cope well with work and household chores too.

Based on his own experience, Akiyama advises mothers who want to work rather than stay at home: “Right now you are going through an incredibly interesting period in your life. It all depends on you: you can become a teacher, nutritionist or designer... But the main thing is to pay attention to raising a child.”

Reflecting on the process of child development, I came to the conclusion that a mother should pay special attention to upbringing until the age of two. It is she who can positively influence a child at the age of images.

Childbirth used to be called the main task of a woman. But I would say that the most important work begins after childbirth. And if a mother cannot properly care for and raise a child, she will not be able to do other jobs well. I believe that raising a child under two years of age should be given as much attention as possible; it is not enough to just give birth, you need to raise the child, take care of him, helpless and defenseless, until he grows up.

Of course, I am a man and cannot understand the severity of childbirth. But that is why it is necessary to properly raise a child born with such difficulty, otherwise there is no point in suffering. There are many mothers in the world who believe that since they have already given birth to a child, their work is over and now they will enjoy life. But is there greater happiness and joy for a mother than raising her child?

A mother has the opportunity to become not only a teacher, nutritionist or designer, but also a doctor and spiritual mentor. And when the mother combines all these roles, the child grows and develops well. There are mothers who entrust the care of their children to other people. It is not surprising that such mothers are accused of irresponsibility and laziness and are even said that they actually abandoned their child. Having a baby is not a way to relieve boredom; raising a baby requires a lot of effort.

How a child is raised up to two years of age determines his future. Therefore, it is so important that the mother takes his upbringing seriously at least during this time. And this is quite a feasible task.

Raising a child begins the moment he is born

They say that if you place a pocket watch wrapped in a towel next to a newborn puppy, it will sleep peacefully. The ticking of a clock sounds like a mother's heartbeat to a puppy. All newborns experience extreme stress after birth. In the mother's belly, they heard her heartbeat - which is probably why baby animals calm down when they hear a similar sound in the outside world. And children are no exception.

The following experiment was conducted: the baby was allowed to listen to sounds similar to the mother’s heartbeat, and he calmed down. When these sounds became more frequent, the child began to cry. After this experiment, they began to sell audio recordings in which the sound of the heartbeat gradually turns into music.

Moreover, it is believed that children who lie closer to the entrance in the maternity hospital in the newborn room, therefore, hear more different sounds and feel the presence of people, have a better brain development than those who lie in the back of the room.

Even the first few hours or a few days are very important for the development of a newborn child; raising a child begins the moment he is born!

Smart mothers read smart books on parenting and child psychology. But initially, the natural connection between him and his mother is important for raising a child. In processes such as pregnancy, childbirth, and upbringing, the natural component is especially strong. If the mother underestimates her, she may miss the most favorable “parenting time”, which subsequently cannot be made up for, no matter how much effort she puts in.

I want to convince women to be more responsible in raising children.
And this responsibility begins with the awareness of the natural connection between mother and child. It is much better if the child listens to the mother's real heart, and not to an imitation of a recorded heartbeat. © Masaru Ibuka M. Until three is the time! 76 tips for early education. — St. Petersburg: Peter, 2021. © Published with permission of the publisher

Tasks in raising a young child

Raising young children has several facets. The baby must develop physically, intellectually, aesthetically.

The main factor in upbringing is a healthy and welcoming atmosphere in the family. Everything matters here: how adults treat each other, what interests are in the family, attitude towards work. If there is no agreement in the family, then children stop obeying and do not take adults seriously.

The table discusses the tasks of raising young children.

Parents should lead their children by example. You cannot demand from your child what you yourself do not do. Be sure to praise him for good deeds and learning.

When working with a preschool-age child, constantly move forward. As soon as you see that your child has completed the task, give the next one more difficult. Only in this case will he develop and enjoy the game.

Known parenting methods

Choosing the right early development method is the main question for parents. You need to familiarize yourself with several methods and choose the one that is suitable for your little one.

Maria Montessori – comprehensive education

According to this method, the task of parents is to create a situation in which the child can learn about the world around him. Educational games are divided into different zones:

• object environment in which the baby learns about the world with the help of objects;
• real life, where by doing various household chores, the child learns independence and independence;
• the language zone where the baby develops his mind;
• motor, thanks to it, the child develops coordination of movements, dexterity and speed of attention.

The child must choose the activity area himself, and your task is to help him organize everything so that the child can realize his full potential.

Glen Doman - raising from the cradle

Glen Doman's method is based on the formation of the mental abilities of children during active brain development. The technique is based on the confidence that the child will receive information when he sees the picture and hears the name of the image. The author also connected the physical development of the baby with intelligence. By doing exercises using the Doman method every day, your child will begin to speak faster and expand his vocabulary.

Waldorf school - imitating an adult

The main goal of the Waldorf method is to imitate adults through story-based role-playing games. Waldorf teachers approach each child individually; they focus on developing the child’s individual abilities.

The methodology program is based on creative activity and folk culture, and aesthetic education is used. The baby is introduced into the world of fairy tales, he reveals himself in singing, theater, drawing, and modeling.

Another important area of ​​this methodology is environmental education. The baby gets an idea of ​​the life of nature and its laws from poetry and artistic images. Any game or activity is accompanied by music.

Now you know why you need to raise children from early childhood. The sooner a child learns about the world, the faster he will choose the right path in life and become a good person. The baby will receive a lot of knowledge in kindergarten, but you, the parents, need to lay the foundations of education.

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How and when to start raising a child?

You’ve probably heard more than once a proverb that says: “raise a child while he’s lying across the bench...” Quite a lot of parents share this opinion, but there is another point of view, which has recently begun to appear quite often in articles and statements by psychologists and teachers and even preachers - education begins in the womb. And one cannot but agree with this.

Isn’t it true that as soon as a woman finds out about her pregnancy (if it was not planned) and informs the future father about it, then from that moment a certain attitude towards the unborn child is formed.

Someone considers him just a “fetus” who does not understand, does not feel, does not hear, and especially will not say anything in his defense to such parents. For others, this is a small creature living in the “house” of his mother, who is already loved very much, they think about him, talk to him, teach him to hear the beauty of music, to see a huge and beautiful world.

Any of these relationships forms the “soul” of the future person; it is at this stage that his upbringing or non-upbringing begins. Everything is important here: how dad treats mom, and how mom behaves during pregnancy, and what she listens to, or watches, what she thinks about, what she dreams about. In general, there is not a single unimportant moment or task for future parents.

But education and upbringing are different. The opinion on how to raise a child largely depends on the rules and traditions that exist in the family. Some parents prefer to raise an “unspoiled” person who is ready for life’s difficulties and problems. And someone wants to give immeasurable love to their child.

I would like to focus specifically on love. You know what they say - you can dislike a child, but you can’t love him too much!

Surrounded by love and care, a baby grows up confident, quickly gains strength, develops successfully and learns about the world around him, because he feels support from those close and significant to him.

Sometimes you hear a menacing shout from your parents: “ Don’t carry him (her) in your arms!” There's nothing to talk about! "What stupidity!

Remember, for 9 whole months this little miracle lived in your womb, felt your smell, heard your heart beat, how your voice sounds. And suddenly, he, in the full sense of the word, was thrown into a world where all the familiar and familiar sensations are now separate from him.

And he, as before, needs them to calm down and fall asleep. Well, how can we not remember the theory of “eight hugs”, according to which every person should receive their portion of love during the day for good health, development and happiness.

The topic of feeding: by the hour or on demand also causes a lot of controversy. It is impossible to speak with firm certainty about the correctness of any of these points of view. Everything is too individual and in many ways the solution to this issue depends on the type of temperament of the baby.

So make the decision yourself. You may ask why suddenly the topic of feeding is raised in matters of education. Yes, because this is the first time the child is accustomed to a regime, to a way of organizing his life, without which it will not be possible to build the educational process in the future.

You've been talking to your child for 9 months, and now don't shut up. Talk a lot, talk often when addressing him. Tell everything you see, what you do, about your feelings and sensations. Sing lullabies, read fairy tales, nursery rhymes, maybe even lyrics for adults.

The baby may not be able to answer you yet, but he definitely understands you. And such understanding will further develop into cognitive interest, the desire to talk with you, the ability to hear and listen. Isn’t this what we want to get as a result of raising our child?

This is how simple, but at the same time difficult, the upbringing of a little man begins. Simply because you don’t have to do something special, new and unknown. But the difficulty is that there is not always the strength and desire to do all these manipulations with the child, especially after tiring sleepless nights.

But you have wonderful dad and grandparents nearby. Don’t be shy, delegate some of your powers to them, and sometimes just demand songs, readings and hugs from them. But don’t forget the main thing, love is your faithful assistant, who will give you advice and give you strength when it seems like there is no strength left!