What do psychologists think about this?
How to discuss sexual issues with your child? Or maybe we shouldn't talk? So what can I say? We read what psychologists think about this.
Psychologists say that children should not lie. They need to tell only the truth, masking it, or deviating slightly from the course of truth. When talking about sexual issues, it is important to adjust the information to the age of the children.
Every parent has faced these kinds of questions. You are not the only one and there is no need to panic.
There is no definite answer as to when to start a conversation on the topic of where children come from. There is no need to stir up interest in this issue. Denials: “You are still too young for such conversations” will interest the child more and more.
And it’s good if you manage to satisfy the baby with your answer. And if not? And he will look for information on the Internet, where a lot of things are widely available and not suitable for age.
Conversation with a 3-4 year old child
Usually, a child begins to be interested in such uncomfortable questions at the age of three or four years. It is during this age period that girls and boys form a personality image, understand their “I” and gender differences.
Say that children are the result of sincere love and they are very desirable. For a child, the most important thing is the love of his parents and a sense of necessity.
When telling a three-year-old child where babies come from, the main rule is not to focus on the physiological process. A too accurate description of the natural process of fertilization, bearing a child and childbirth can traumatize the baby’s psyche and leave a negative impression in his subconscious. It may also happen that the child perceives pregnancy as an illness, especially since doctors are involved in this process.
Very often the child is satisfied with the answer that mothers give birth to children. But if this is not enough for your baby, it’s worth adding: when mom and dad love each other, the baby appears in the mother’s tummy, and nine months later is born.
You may be interested in: How to tell your child about pregnancy
The answer can be given to the child in the form of a fairy tale or story. Mommy princess met daddy prince. They fell in love and got married. Then dad gave mom a grain, mom ate it and she had a baby in her tummy.
Then change the conversation or offer to look at ultrasound pictures or the first photos of the baby. Tell me how small and cute the baby was. How you wore it and how it has grown.
How children are born
Female reproductive system.
In order to understand where and how children are born, let's look at the structure of the female and male reproductive systems and their functions. In the process of conceiving and bearing a child, it is the reproductive system that plays a dominant role.
So, the female genital organs are divided into external and internal. The external ones are the pubis, clitoris, labia majora and labia minora. Internal - vagina, cervix, uterus, ovaries and fallopian tubes. We will look very briefly at the functions of the female internal reproductive system.
Internal genital organs: 1 – vagina; 2 – internal pharynx; 3 – cervical canal; 4 – cervix; 5 – body of the uterus; 6 – ovary; 7 – fundus of the uterus; 8 – fallopian tube; 9 – fringes
The vagina is a hollow muscular organ. It is through it that sperm enter a woman’s body and through it children are born. The inside of the vagina ends at the cervix. It separates the vagina from the uterus. During pregnancy, a mucus plug forms in the cervix, which prevents infection from entering the uterine cavity and “keeps” the baby inside the uterus. The uterus is an organ without which it is impossible to bear a child. It is in the uterus that intrauterine development of the fetus occurs. The ovaries are a paired organ in which the development of eggs occurs, which, when combined with sperm, form a fertilized egg, a human embryo. The fallopian tubes are a paired organ in which fertilization of the egg by the sperm occurs and through the fallopian tube the fertilized egg enters the uterus, where the child will develop within 9 months.
Male reproductive system.
Now let's talk a little about the male reproductive system. Male genital organs - penis, testicles, prostate gland. Testicles. It is in them that sperm begin to develop. Prostate. With its help, sperm are released into the urethra. Penis. It is with its help that sperm enter the woman’s vagina during sexual intercourse.
Puberty
The ability to bear children appears in girls from the moment of menarche (first menstruation), this is the age of 12-14 years. In boys, “mature” sperm begin to be produced by the age of 15. Puberty in girls begins at about 10 years of age. The nipples begin to “bulge”, and then the entire breast takes on a rounded shape. Hair appears on the pubic area, legs and armpits. Menarche usually occurs after 12 years, provided that the girl weighs more than 35 kg. From this time on, hormonal changes in the body begin. The eggs mature in the ovaries and ovulation occurs (the release of the egg into the fallopian tube). After the appearance of menstruation, if a girl decides to become sexually active, she needs to think about reliable contraception. The best option is a condom, which will protect not only from unwanted pregnancy, but also from sexually transmitted infections. It is not recommended to take oral contraceptives at this age. Various suppositories (like Patentex Oval) often cause allergic reactions and discomfort in the vagina and they are not 100% effective in preventing pregnancy. But remember, 12-14 years is in any case too early an age to begin sexual activity. A woman's genitals are not yet completely ready for sexual intercourse. Moreover, the girl is not yet psychologically ready for sexual relations. It's better to wait until you're 17-18 years old to have sex. Pregnancy and childbirth.
Now let's talk about pregnancy. Pregnancy is a period during which a new person, a child, develops in the female body. On average, pregnancy lasts 280 days (about 9 months), 40 weeks.
How does pregnancy occur? At the end of sexual intercourse, the man releases seminal fluid into the woman's vagina. This seminal fluid contains many spermatozoa. Here I would like to remind you that interrupted sexual intercourse is not a means of contraception, because During sexual intercourse, even before ejaculation, a man secretes a lubricant containing a small amount of sperm.
From a woman's vagina, sperm penetrate through the cervix into the uterus and from there into the fallopian tube, where one of these sperm can fertilize an egg. The egg is in the fallopian tube during the period of ovulation (with a regular 28-day menstrual cycle, this is approximately 12-14 days of the menstrual cycle, counting from the first day of menstruation). After the fusion of a sperm (only one) with an egg, a fertilized egg (embryo) is formed, which begins to move through the fallopian tube into the uterine cavity and is fixed there on one of the walls. Pregnancy is characterized by delayed menstruation. This is the first and most sure sign. There may be a change in taste, nausea, weakness, and a slight increase in temperature. The pharmacy sells special tests to determine pregnancy from the first day of the delay. During an examination, a gynecologist can determine pregnancy no earlier than two weeks. The most accurate diagnostic method is a blood test for hCG and ultrasound of the uterus. The fetus develops very quickly in the uterus. At 4.5 weeks, an ultrasound can already detect a heartbeat. The brain and nervous system are actively developing. Pregnancy is divided into trimesters. There are three of them in total. So, in the first trimester, any negative factor, such as bad habits, can lead to miscarriage (spontaneous termination of pregnancy) or fetal malformations. Therefore, a pregnant woman needs to especially carefully monitor her health, nutrition and lifestyle. Registration for pregnancy at an antenatal clinic is required. After registration, you will need to regularly visit a gynecologist and some other medical specialists, as well as undergo many tests.
This is what a baby looks like at 9 weeks.
And this is what a full-term baby looks like.
Starting from 38 weeks of pregnancy, a woman’s body begins to prepare for the upcoming birth. The abdomen sinks, uterine tone (a feeling of tension) and droplets of colostrum from the nipples may occur. These are normal phenomena.
Normally, labor begins spontaneously at 40 weeks. A prerequisite for this is a prepared cervix (softened and slightly open). The first birth lasts on average 10-12 hours. All this time, the woman will feel pain in the lower abdomen and lower back. During contractions, the cervix dilates. The amniotic fluid that surrounded the baby for almost the entire period of pregnancy recedes. When the cervix is 10 cm dilated, a woman has the urge to push, similar to the desire to go to the toilet in a big way. This is called pushing. The woman begins to push hard to “push” the baby out. The baby comes out through the cervix into the vagina and from there into the caring hands of an obstetrician-gynecologist. Immediately after birth, the baby is weighed and height measured.
I described the ideal birth. But there are all sorts of complications. Childbirth does not always occur naturally. Sometimes it is necessary to administer medications to speed up the birth process. There are also situations when a woman cannot give birth naturally and has to undergo a caesarean section. The baby is born through an incision made in the mother's abdominal wall.
That's basically it. In conclusion I would like to say. Pregnancy is one of the most beautiful and fleeting periods in a woman’s life. But the main thing is that it is planned. At this time, there are many means of preventing unwanted pregnancy, even for the youngest girls.
Conversation with children 5-7 years old
The child is growing up and parents are hearing the question of where children come from more and more often. And at the age of 5-7 years, children are interested in the very process of the baby’s appearance in the stomach. And I'm afraid the story about the grain won't help. A daughter or son demands more detailed explanations from their parents.
Psychologists insist that in no case should you ignore uncomfortable questions. Parents are obliged to tell their child about the sexual side of life. In the future, this will protect children from thoughtless relationships, and will give them an understanding of the consequences of having sex.
So, you often wonder how to correctly answer the question: “Where do children come from?”
You need to adapt the answer to your baby and follow simple recommendations:
- Make it clear to the child that intimate relationships are a natural process that can only happen between adults and people in love. Mom and dad hug, kiss, sleep together and dad's cell goes to mom. The cell grows in the mother’s tummy for 9 months, and then is born in the presence of doctors. Therefore, the baby may have a nose similar to his dad, and eyes like his mother; At this age, you can reinforce your explanations by showing children a picture in an encyclopedia, cartoons or videos.
- You need to tell the story as calmly as possible, without unnecessary emotions and without details of the sexual process. The information must be correct, not traumatic to the child’s psyche, but at the same time satisfactory for the child’s interest.
Conversation “about this” with a schoolchild aged 7-10 years
We are talking about pre-teen children. Today these are still children, but they are about to begin to turn from boys and girls into girls and boys. As a rule, at this age children are already quite knowledgeable about issues of sex and childbirth, but this knowledge is often very distorted.
The main task of parents during this period is to prepare their growing children for growing up and the changes that will happen to them in the near future. Girls definitely need to be told about menstruation, the appearance of pubic and armpit hair, and breast growth. For boys - about changes in the proportions of the figure, nocturnal emissions, “breaking” of the voice and the appearance of facial hair. It is better for a parent of the same sex to talk with a child, that is, mothers with girls, fathers with boys.
For parents, such conversations can be a problem. Often, mothers and fathers are more embarrassed than children to talk about these topics. Perhaps it will be best if the child is informed casually. You should not solemnly announce: “I need to talk to you,” sit the child in front of you and give a boring lecture. From time to time, under various pretexts, you can start conversations, talk about your experiences growing up, ask about your friends. It’s also not a good idea to overload a child with information and complex terms; it’s better to give it in doses, giving the child time to comprehend and, possibly, formulate his questions.
A convenient option for parents is an encyclopedia: give it as a gift and let him read it. It’s better not to let the process take its course and, if you don’t tell it, then at least discuss what you’ve read with your child.
Conversation with a teenager aged 10-16 years
The most difficult conversation on an intimate topic is with teenagers. You should not limit yourself only to the question of where children come from. It is important to tell and inform the teenager about:
- The need and importance of contraception;
- Safe sex methods;
- Risk of pregnancy;
- Gynecological problems and diseases;
- The consequences of unprotected and casual relationships.
Sex education lessons at school, films and books on biology can help a parent. Under no circumstances should we read lectures; the teenager’s trust is important to us. Listen, support and, if necessary, give an example from your own life.
Actions of a threatening nature will give resistance, and the teenager may refuse relationships with the opposite sex or, on the contrary, will rush headlong into the pool.
For children 18+, appropriate literature and videos are required. Interest and knowledge are welcome. After all, the problem of pregnancy at an early age is not an understanding of puberty, desires and consequences.
“The child asks where children come from. What should I answer him? Psychologist advises
Advice from Liliya Rubtsova , chief freelance psychologist of Bobruisk and Bobruisk region:
– If a child asks such questions, it means he is ripe for them. Therefore, do not answer with phrases like: “You are still too young for this” or “It is too early for you to know about this.” Believe me, the child will find a way to get the information he is interested in. Especially if he attends kindergarten.
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Before you begin sex education for your child, improve your level of sexual literacy. Believe me, children's curiosity in this topic is less than parental fear. If we find it difficult to talk about intimate topics with a child, we are unlikely to be able to talk about it with our own partner, so answering children's questions is a good motivation to start breaking through our fears. I advise especially anxious parents to buy the “Sexual Encyclopedia for the Little Ones,” where issues of the physiology and psychology of relationships between men and women are explained in accessible, childish language. Enjoy reading it yourself and you will know in what way to answer all your child’s unexpected questions. The book is intended for children 3-7 years old. If you feel very embarrassed, invite your child to look through the book together.
At the age of 3-5 years, it is best to talk with the child about the relationship of the parents, about how he came to be. To begin with, you can find out the baby’s opinion, what he thinks about this, what his ideas are about his own birth. But don’t tell tales about storks, cabbages and baby factories. This will only confuse your baby. First of all – honesty. If you are afraid to say too much, answer the question exclusively, briefly and clearly, avoiding details. For example, the question: “Where did I come from?”, the answer: “From my tummy.” If he asks a question about the genitals, there is no need to give a lecture with all the anatomical details. Just answer the question clearly. If no additional questions follow, it means he is satisfied with the answer, and you can take a time out to prepare. If he asked, answer: dad and I fell in love with each other, and from this love you were born. If he doesn't ask any other questions, don't continue.
It is better to satisfy the child’s curiosity in this topic. But you need to answer questions within the framework of the request.
So that you can prepare at least a little, and, first of all, psychologically, I offer you questions according to the ages that child psychologists have identified:
- A child under 2-3 years of age is interested in his own body, including the genitals. At the same time, she clarifies the differences between girls and boys, women and men.
- Children 3-4 years old have questions about where children come from, where they used to be, why do women have such huge bellies?
- Children 5-6 years old are interested in how children get into their mother’s stomach, how do they get out of there? How do they grow there?
- Younger schoolchildren aged 6-8 years old are concerned about the role of the father in bringing a child into the family. Interested in why children look like their parents or brothers/sisters? Can children have children? As a rule, children’s curiosity stops here; at this age this is enough.
Proper sex education for preschool children directly depends on how skillfully you comment on the nature of the relationship between men and women and the birth of children. It is known that children to whom their parents told everything truthfully develop a certain immunity from the “dirt” that is often spread by “more experienced” representatives of the street. If necessary, consult a psychologist.
In addition, remember that knowledge is power, this is the best defense against sexual assault and assault by perverts and maniacs. An innocent, but essentially ignorant child is easy to deceive by playing on his curiosity.
