Most parents send their children to kindergarten at the age of two or three. The beginning of a visit to an educational institution is often accompanied by hysterics.
It is important to understand why a child cries in kindergarten and how to help him quickly adapt to new conditions.
Are you an anxious mom?
It is important to remember that children copy the emotional state of their parents and grandparents who remain with them. Who do you think is more likely to find pleasure in independent games - a child of a calm and confident mother or a child whose mother is constantly worried that something will not work out?
Do not hope that the child does not notice your fears: facial expressions, gestures, and tone give you away. And if you want to teach him independence, don’t run into the nursery every minute with a worried expression on your face.
The baby of an anxious mother will be afraid to move far from her, he will have a false sense of security: “since my mother is afraid for me the most, it means that she protects me best of all.” It is not surprising that such a child prefers to play only with his mother, and his father may even be pushed away: “Go away!” Fathers often react painfully to such “selectivity” of their child, although all they need to do is try to find time for games more often.
And make sure that all members of your family adhere to the same tactics - you cannot speak badly about your mother’s absence, even as a joke. For example, grandmother’s sighs: “Why is mom sitting in the bathroom for so long? Have I forgotten about you?..” or “For some reason, mom hasn’t been coming back for a long time! Did something really happen?” can ruin all your teaching efforts.
Don’t overuse statements like “You’re already big, so you should...” Firstly, he’s not really that big, and secondly, some children sometimes take such words too seriously, and the idea that now they should think and acting somehow differently, “like the big ones,” worries them too much.
You can simply tell your child that many of his peers already go to kindergarten, they like to spend time there because they can play with other children, learn something interesting in class, and play something new.
And of course, don’t be angry with your baby if he behaves like a “mom’s ponytail” - this will add to his insecurity a feeling of guilt for not meeting your expectations. And he wants you to be proud of him!
Features of the child's nervous system
It is known that every child is individual. Some babies start crying in preschool as soon as one of the parents disappears behind the doors, and after a short time they calm down. Some continue to cry throughout the day, while others even get sick. Psychologists believe that a child’s illness is a form of protest against an environment that is still completely unfamiliar to the child. It is very difficult for a child to endure separation from mom or dad. However, this fact may go almost unnoticed if the child is satisfied with the kindergarten environment. But if the child has psychologically determined that this situation is very negative for him, then he will throw tantrums every day, become frequently ill, and constantly cry when parting with his parents.
Experts believe that there is a fairly logical explanation for the question “Why does a child cry when he comes to kindergarten?” The main problem is the child’s fear that he was brought to kindergarten and will not be picked up. If a child is quickly distracted from this thought, then he will be calm throughout the day, but if he constantly remembers this, he will constantly cry, and also ignore all the instructions of the teacher, this is the so-called protest.
Under what circumstances does a child adapt better to preschool?
Educators and child psychologists believe that children who are brought up in large families, who were born and raised in families who live in communal apartments, are best able to get used to the unusual environment in kindergarten. Also, in families in which parents treat the child as an adult, that is, they use relationships of an equal nature, adaptation will be almost unnoticeable.
How to train separation
Educational theories that presuppose discipline and compliance will not work here: since the child has a need to be close to you, a forced change in the state of affairs will lead to the opposite effect: he will not want to leave you at all, but neurosis will also be added to this.
Just as an infant’s reluctance to lie in a crib alone can be perfectly “treated” by being carried in the arms whenever possible (that is, by diligently satisfying an important need, and not by denying it), so the desire of an older baby to be close should be treated with understanding.
Gradual separation, taking into account the child’s pace, will quickly lead to his readiness to let go of his mother than any forceful methods. If first you leave for 10-15 minutes, then for half an hour, then for an hour and a half, the baby will quickly understand that everything is in order: mom always comes back. Then it will be possible to begin to disappear for a longer time.
Make sure that during the day you and your child have the opportunity to just cuddle, sit together or lie on the carpet, lie down and whisper before bed or in the morning, after the alarm clock rings and before getting up. Don’t try to make this time as “useful” as possible and don’t worry that it is wasted - this is not the case, at these moments the baby “absorbs” your attention and is filled with it.
Can a baby's crying be harmful to him?
Why does a child cry when he comes to kindergarten? How to recognize unhealthy crying in a baby? How to deal with constant hysteria upon arrival at preschool? All these questions arouse great interest among parents.
American researchers believe that constant tantrums can cause irreparable consequences in a child’s nervous system. Children's crying must be dosed, for example, in the case of severe hysterics, the child must be immediately calmed down. It is known that a baby’s crying, which lasts more than 20 minutes, can cause harm to the child’s psyche and significantly affect the baby’s health. This problem can arise not only after going to kindergarten, but also in any other situation. Children quickly get used to the fact that the only way to achieve what they want is by crying. If a child cries for more than 20 minutes, they may experience a lot of problems throughout their life, since they have the impression that no one will come to their aid or help them out in a difficult situation. Prolonged tantrums can destroy the brain, resulting in problems in school and future endeavors. Through such research, child psychologists have found part of the answers to the question about a child’s crying when he comes to kindergarten.
When a child cries, his body begins to produce a hormone that is responsible for stressful situations, called cortisol. The hormone is produced by the adrenal glands. It is this hormone that can harm the baby’s nervous system. The longer the baby’s hysteria, the more hormones are produced in your child’s body and there is a threat of damage to nerve cells. However, researchers report that this does not mean that a child should never cry or that parents should worry all the time. You just need to stop crying, which lasts for a long time.
What to play to make it easier for the child to let go of his mother
Kindergarten. In your kindergarten group there are dolls, bunnies and bears, and you and your child will take turns being parents who first bring their children to kindergarten, say goodbye to them, go to work, and then come to pick them up. What does the “parent” say? How does the “child” behave? This game will greatly help in adapting to kindergarten.
Me and my loved ones. Collect pictures of the baby himself and his relatives and friends, his favorite pet, even his favorite toys in a small photo album. He will look at these photographs with you, and you will comment: “Look, here you are with dad - we love you. But grandma—and she loves you.” This photo album will be a visual support for the baby - and you can also take it with you to kindergarten.
"Bye-bye" cards. Cut out 10 small cards from thick paper and, together with your child, draw different symbols on each: how many times should you hug, kiss or wave to each other when saying goodbye. Now when mom or baby go somewhere, they will pull out one of the cards and do what is written on it. For example, “Kiss your nose three times and wave once.”
Psychologist's advice
From the point of view of psychology and pedagogy, kindergarten is considered as a positive factor in the development and formation of a person. A visit to such an institution contributes to education and teaching order. The child acquires the skills to find a common language with peers and adults.
Thanks to this, it will be easier for the child in the future to get used to school, build relationships at university, and at work. The topic of adaptation is quite relevant. Therefore, psychologists pay great attention to this topic.
Experts offer the following advice to parents:
- send your child to kindergarten at the age of 2-3 years;
- do not scold the baby when he cries and does not want to stay in the educational institution;
- Before visiting the kindergarten, come there as an excursion, get to know the teacher and the group;
- play with your baby in kindergarten. Some dolls will be children, others will be educators. It is necessary to show by example that being in a team is interesting and fun;
- ask grandparents or other relatives to whom the baby is less emotionally attached to take him to kindergarten;
- talk to the child. Explain to him that attending kindergarten will benefit him;
- find out what problems the child has in communicating with peers, give advice on how to solve them;
- If you leave your child in kindergarten for the whole day, you cannot deceive him by promising to pick him up in a couple of hours. It is better to say that you will return for it after an afternoon snack, a walk or a nap;
- give the baby some personal object or thing. For example, a scarf or hairpin. You can allow your child to take a photo of his parents with him;
- establish contact with the teacher;
- when leaving your child in kindergarten, you need to remain calm and not show your worries;
- come up with a parting ritual (hugs, air kisses);
- give the old key, saying that it is from the house. This way the child will understand that he will soon return home and calm down.
Don't trust grandmothers?
Encourage your child to communicate with other significant adults: grandparents and other relatives. “The question of grandmothers” can sometimes be quite difficult; not all mothers are happy with their methods of education and often try to control as much as possible what is happening at this time, they worry that grandmothers are “doing everything wrong.”
Yes, perhaps the older generation really has its own ideas about the daily routine, discipline, order in the house and whether it is possible to eat sweets before dinner. But think for yourself: the more loving people a child surrounds, the more confident he feels.
Give him the opportunity to build his own relationships with other relatives, to understand that people are different, that mom does one way and aunt does it differently, that you can communicate with them in different ways, that you can run around the playground with your mom and ride with him. slides, but with my grandmother I go to the theater and listen to music. You don’t have to manage everything that happens when you’re not around, just agree on the most significant moments for you.
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When should you not send your child to kindergarten?
If you want to enroll your child in kindergarten, parents should know that boys who are between three and five years old are more susceptible to adaptation problems than girls of the same age. For a child, the period of three years is very difficult, because it is at this age that the first age crisis occurs. The child begins to develop independence, the child begins to show his “I” to everyone around him. During this period, the baby begins to demand the possible and the impossible from his parents. As a rule, such demands occur accompanied by strong crying in kindergarten, hysteria and scandal.
Children aged three to five years experience separation from their mother quite hard, since it is during this period of their age that the connection with their parents is very strong and strong. Breaking a certain connection is quite risky and time-consuming. If a child has a period of age-related crisis unnoticed, then after breaking off constant communication with his mother, the baby may begin to show all the features of the crisis in a rather severe form.
