The child does not sleep in the crib: sleep disturbances or simple curiosity?

Often, parents of newborns teach their baby to sleep in the same bed with them. This makes caring for your baby easier: it’s convenient for breastfeeding and changing diapers. In addition, you can be calm, the baby is always in sight at night.

The time comes when you need to wean your child from sleeping with his parents. Because they also need proper rest, and next to the baby this becomes almost impossible.

Sometimes the baby categorically does not want to leave the adults even for the night. Useful advice from psychologists will help you understand how to teach your child to sleep alone in a room, in a child’s bed.

Pros and cons of sleeping with parents

Somehow the world works that psychologists worry about the mental state of children. Pediatricians worry about children's health. And for some reason no one worries about the emotional and physical health of moms and dads, about normal marital relationships. And no one thinks that with a mother who is always sleep-deprived and a father who is offended by his mother, the child will not grow up normal and calm.

While feeling sorry for the baby, mom doesn’t feel sorry for herself and dad, but dad sleeps on the couch and regrets that he got involved in all this in the first place. Catching himself thinking this way, the young father also feels ashamed. And a man who is deprived of attention and constantly feels shame for it is worse than a child. Do you need it?

There are a lot of disadvantages to sleeping with your parents:

• Not enough space. A tiny body takes up a lot of space in a dream. And for about 8 months he also pushes, freeing up territory for himself.
• Sensitive maternal sleep. Even the most tired mother will wake up at the slightest movement of the baby. And so on all night.
• Wooden limbs. Under normal conditions, the human body changes posture up to 20 times during the night. When a mother sleeps with her child, she does not change her position. The body does not rest, the brain is tense, holding the body in one position. Even if you overslept! 4 hours, which is great luck with a baby, you feel not rest, but that you were lying under an asphalt paver.
• Problems in older age. Rocking a 10-15 kilogram baby, you tear your arms and back. In 10 years it will come back to haunt you. Complete with chronic insomnia.
• Hygiene and health. Dads go to work, come into contact with people, and bring viruses home. Moms go shopping and do a good job at it too. And you want your child to sleep in an increased level of pathogenic microflora? Neither you nor he will sleep the next night - the baby will probably become infected.

However, sleeping together has undeniable advantages:

• Closeness with mom. It is vital for the baby. Especially if the mother goes to work early and during the day the baby lacks mother’s attention and love.
• Night feedings. If the mother is breastfeeding and the baby sleeps with her, you don’t need to get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby.
• Golden children's dream. Babies, especially infants, sleep much more soundly, feeling their mother’s warmth.
• Prolactin. This is a hormone that allows the mother to produce milk in her breasts. It is produced at night; relatively restful sleep and the proximity of the baby contribute to this.

Important tips and little tricks

The baby will not have to be weaned from sleeping with his parents if he gets used to going to bed separately from birth. A baby cannot be taught to fall asleep in your arms. This is only a place for feeding, petting, playing, but not for sleeping.

Choosing the right crib as a solution to the problem

If your baby doesn't sleep in his own crib, you can try purchasing some extra furniture. This is the same baby cradle, but without one side. Using a special mechanism, you can install it at the same level as your bed. You will get a separate sleeping place, but next to mom and dad.

When the baby grows a little, his area can be slightly fenced off with a diaper or blanket. A month later, the missing side is put in place. When the baby is comfortable in his cradle, it can be moved away.

Warning: possible errors

Mistakes that parents usually make when getting used to a new sleeping place:

• they intimidate with old women, evil uncles, etc.;
• refuse to turn on the night light;
• make different demands (the father and mother must agree in advance on the rules that the baby must follow so as not to contradict each other);
• they shout and punish the baby if he refuses to obey;
• when a child for more than two years is transferred sleeping from his place to a crib, especially if it is in another room (fears develop during this period, you cannot act so decisively);
• they tease and laugh that the baby does not want to sleep separately;
• discuss, complain to strangers about the current situation in his presence;
• are manipulated when the child cunningly tries to stay in the parent’s bed (the exception is when he is sick).

If a new addition is expected in the family, you need to stop sleeping with mom and dad before the birth of a brother or sister. Otherwise, the elder will think that such changes are associated with the birth of a new child, and will begin to dislike him and be jealous of his parents.

When you shouldn't force someone to sleep separately

There are times when you need to temporarily wait to “move” to a separate crib:

• birth premature;
• birth by unnatural means (caesarean section);
• birth injury;
• high intracranial pressure or suspicion of it;
• retardation in mental or physical development;
• skin lesions: dermatitis and others;
• problems with the central nervous system: excessive irritability, tearfulness, excitability;
• period of illness;
• other stresses: moving, teething, going to kindergarten, etc.

If at least 1 of the listed points is present in the baby’s life, it is better to postpone the “relocation”. He needs closeness with his mother more than his peers.

At what age should a child be taught to sleep in a crib?

For a normal psyche, a child needs everything to be good in the house. And for this we need normal, fulfilling relationships between parents and healthy sleep for the whole family. Sooner or later, the moment comes when the child is “evicted” from the parent’s bed. The question is when is the best time to do this:

• From birth. If you want to get by with little blood, teach yourself and your baby to sleep separately from the very first days. It is better to sleep for 2 hours and get up at the first call to the crib than to sleep for 4 hours and wake up like a robot.
• From 6-8 months. This is the opinion of most psychologists. A child of this age does not wake up more than 1-2 times a night, and the “artificial” ones can even sleep from 11 at night to 6 in the morning. In addition, at this age the baby quickly gets used to the new environment.
• From 2 years old. This is the opinion of some psychologists and “baby-dependent” mothers who themselves do not want to let their baby go to their own private apartment. There is one healthy advantage of moving at this age - you can try to come to an agreement with the baby.

How to choose a suitable crib

There are different solutions to this issue for different ages:

• Up to 2 years. Buy a side bed. It is attached to the parent one at one level on the mother's side. It seems like the child is with you, but it seems like he’s in his own living space. This can be made from a regular crib by removing the front wall. Over time, a fabric side is pulled between the mother and the baby, then the regular wall is returned and they begin to slowly move the baby’s crib away from the parent’s sleeping place.

• After 2 years. At this age, the baby is already thinking. There is a high probability that if you together choose a separate rookery for him, and even a non-standard one - in the form of a car, a sun, with interesting decor, new bed linen and pajamas, the baby will sleep there voluntarily, bragging to his peers about his cool bed and how he is already adult. You will have to spend money - unusual beds are more expensive than standard ones, but your nerves and family happiness are more important.

Rule three: no nightlife

Tell your child that he cannot get out of bed until the morning. Just explain this to the baby not at night, but while awake. Talk to him, tell him how much you love him, but you need to sleep at night, and he needs to fall asleep on his own in his crib. If the baby wakes up, then you can’t get out. Explain that if he tries to get out, you will not pay attention to him or talk to him. Call it a “quiet return to sleep.” This way the baby will be prepared, and your actions will not come as a surprise to him. If you talk to your child while returning to sleep at night (it doesn’t matter whether your words are in a gentle or harsh form), then he will strive to get attention again and again, getting out of the crib. Actions should be performed mechanically, without showing any interest on your part. Be consistent and persistent. Keep the established rules constant, and within a few days you will get results.

How to teach a baby to fall asleep in a crib

If you put a sleeping child in his rightful place from birth, the question of how to teach your baby to sleep in a crib is not worth it. The child sleeps there by default, for him this is the normal order of things. If not, be patient.

To begin with, teach your child to fall asleep on his own, without prolonged rocking, at a certain time. If your baby starts to fall asleep next to you, put him sleepy in his crib and sit next to him for a while. Asleep - it’s time for you to go to bed. In a week, the baby will calmly fall asleep on his own, already lying in the crib, as long as his mother sits next to him and reads a fairy tale.

If your baby wakes up as soon as he is left alone, be firm. Don't run to him at the first call, wait a minute and then go. Calm the poor guy down and put him to bed. Crying again? Wait 2 minutes, repeat the manipulation. Increase the waiting time by a minute each time. 7 nights of running around, and the problem will be resolved, according to the Ferber-Estville-Spock method.

Important! The technique is quite tough, you will need all your self-control and patience. If you decide to move your baby into a crib - go all the way, otherwise it will get worse later, and the problem of your indecision will affect not only a separate dream!

Spock's sleep technique

Benjamin McLain Spock is a famous American pediatrician who wrote the book “Baby and Child Care.” It contains many tips for parents, including how to teach your baby to sleep separately.

According to the book, it is impossible to spoil a child before 3 months. At this time, he needs to be picked up and rocked more often. He really needs his mother's warmth.

From 4 months you need to teach discipline. If the child refuses to go to bed, the mother should tell him to do so in a firm voice and leave the room with a smile. At first he will cry, you can’t pay attention. After a few days, the child will become less capricious, and soon he will get used to falling asleep on his own without crying.

How to teach a child over 2 years old to fall asleep in a crib

If you did not find the strength to overcome co-sleeping earlier, you will have to use all the diplomatic skills that you and your husband have. It is quite possible to come to an agreement with children 2-3 years old, even if the child has a character. Try following the algorithm:

• Unity. You and your husband should have a clearly developed common line of behavior. You will sleep in your own crib, and that’s it! If a mother wants to sleep with the baby, and her husband evicts him, there will be a war. Parents must act together.
• Advantages . Explain to your child that sleeping in your own bed is normal, good, and adult-like.
• Encouragement. Explain to your child that this is not a punishment, this is an encouragement, because he is an adult, behaves well and deserves to be independent. You can even time the move to coincide with a birthday or holiday.
• Shared choice. Invite your child to choose his bed together or arrange the one he has. The baby will proudly sleep in the territory that he himself chose or created.
• Mom is nearby. Explain to the child that mom is still nearby and if something happens, she will definitely come. If your child is afraid to be alone because of the darkness, purchase a special night light.

Rule two: make sure you get enough sleep

If your baby shows signs of fatigue at the beginning of the evening or at the end of the day, or excessively protests and shows excessive activity, then you should pay additional attention to the duration of sleep. It is possible that the child does not sleep enough during the day or goes to bed at night too late. Correcting your sleep time will also solve the problem of waking up at night. If necessary, keep records of daytime sleep: what time did the baby fall asleep, how long did his sleep last, did he cry before going to bed, and what were the intervals between night and daytime rest.

Be sure to pay attention to your child's breathing during sleep. If your baby breathes through his mouth or snores, you need to pay attention to this problem and consult a specialist. Difficulty breathing during sleep significantly worsens its quality, as it prevents the transition to deep sleep, and, therefore, your baby’s fatigue will be higher.

What not to do

• Don't argue with your husband. Calmly discuss why your child should sleep with you now and when he will move to his own bed.
• Don't yell or punish your child for not wanting to sleep alone. They themselves are to blame for their overprotection.
• Do not evict your baby at a time when he needs you (if he is sick, teething, or suffering from colic).
• Don't add stress to your baby. If you have started potty training your child or sent him to kindergarten, this is not the best time for independent sleep.
• Don’t wait until your child has a 3-year-old crisis. Relocate him early, don't accumulate problems.
• Do not confuse whims with a state of panic. Otherwise, you will not achieve results, and you will harm the baby’s psyche.
• Do not make fun of your child, especially in front of strangers. Create unnecessary complexes.

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