How to calm a child and teach him to calm down on his own

Learning to manage emotions, especially during times of stress, is quite difficult. Although many children have their own ways of expressing strong emotions, they can benefit from help in learning how to cope with anxiety.

If a child masters self-soothing techniques, it will be easier for him to survive an emotional outburst. If you practice the skills daily, it will be much easier for your child to remember them and use them in situations of anxiety and worry.

Hysterics

Parents should know that a child can show his emotional state through hysteria or whims, and it is important to be able to distinguish between them.

A whim is a conscious act. Arises from the need to manipulate adults. Many parents fulfill the child's requests, satisfying his desires. If the toddler receives a refusal, an attack begins to develop.

Hysteria is a serious psychological process; it is difficult for a child to control himself, he may not notice or hear anything around him.

There is a conditional division of hysterical attacks into three groups.

1. Physiological - develops in response to natural causes, for example, hunger, fatigue, illness, cold. In such cases, the reason that caused the non-standard behavior is clear, it can be eliminated.
2. Systemic - develops in response to the emotional state of parents. Mom or Dad may harbor feelings of doubt, anxiety, or aggression. Kids feel this acutely. The only correct solution to such situations is to calm the nervous system of adults.
3. Demonstrative. The little one throws a tantrum and watches your reaction. In essence, it is false, a way to get what you want. If you are faced with this option, then the only way is to completely ignore the child’s behavior.

Stages of manifestations

As a rule, hysteria does not develop instantly, but gradually and includes stages.

1. Screams. The toddler makes loud exclamations, words that are not always understandable. Doesn't require anything yet. The child is so engrossed that he does not hear or see anything around him.
2. Motor manifestations - during a hysteria, the baby throws things around, slams doors, stomps his feet, and even hits his head against the wall. It is important to understand that the little one does not feel any pain.
3. Rivers of tears - the child is crying, and by his appearance one can determine strong resentment. If the little one has not received what he needs before this time, it will be difficult for parents to calm him down. The resentment is very strong and it is difficult for a small child to cope with it. After the end of this stage, the child looks offended, sleepy, and, as a rule, a quiet hour follows. But at night, after a daytime hysteria, the child’s sleep will be disturbing.

How to start calming exercises

Here's where you need to start when you're about to start teaching your child self-soothing skills:

• Use techniques your child already knows and add new ones. Your methods should be accessible to the child at his developmental level. Take your time moving forward and do not put undue pressure on the child.
• Choose the most suitable time for your child - when the child is as relaxed as possible.
• Classes should be interesting and include fun, bright equipment and visual aids - pillows, expander balls and pictures. For example, when Vanya wants to play with the truck, but someone else is playing with him at the same time, he is given a ball that can be squeezed in his hand, and he is sent to the “quiet zone”. There Vanya plays with a ball and looks at pictures in a book. After this, Vanya is called back when it is his turn to play with the truck. The teacher praises Vanya for his work.

Possible reasons

The situation is easier to resolve when parents can identify the reason why the child behaves this way.

1. A child throws tantrums when he is unable to express his feelings in words or express his dissatisfaction.
2. The desire to get the right thing in this way.
3. Trying to be like adults or other children if they exhibit such behavior.
4. As a result of the fact that the baby was distracted or taken away from his favorite activity.
5. Consequence of improper upbringing.
6. A way to attract attention.
7. Severe physical fatigue.
8. The result of hunger or lack of sleep.
9. Absence of negative and positive reactions to the baby’s actions in everyday life.
10. Such behavior may be characteristic of illness.
11. As a result of overbearing guardianship or, conversely, strong severity.
12. Unbalanced behavior, weak nervous system.
13. Night hysterics in a child are most often observed due to severe nervous tension, regular stress, or after watching films that are difficult for the child’s psyche.

Children one and two years old

1. When a child is one year old, constant tantrums can occur due to nervous strain or after severe fatigue.
2. As for toddlers aged 2 years, the main reason for them is the way they manipulate or achieve what they want.

How familiar this is to me. My son tried to throw a tantrum more than once in order to get some kind of sweet or toy, sometimes he even tried to fall on the floor and kick his feet.

1. Some parents, seeing hysterical fits in their two-year-old child, cannot stand it and completely comply with all his demands. Others begin to use force and believe that such behavior is unacceptable and should be stopped in early childhood.
2. Of course, physical violence is not the right way to calm a baby. Don’t even try to shout, don’t start persuading or expressing your dissatisfaction - all this will only encourage the child more, and he will begin to demand what he wants with redoubled force.
3. You cannot turn around, leave the baby alone and leave. He will calm down, but he will also be very frightened and decide that you abandoned him.
4. You cannot give in to the baby, follow his lead, unquestioningly fulfilling his demands. This way you will only confirm the child’s opinion about the correctness of this model of behavior.
5. It’s better to hug the baby tightly, hold him in your arms, and say that he is the most beloved, even when he is angry. If the little one continues to struggle, let him go.
6. When hysterics begin in public, parents become very ashamed, and they try to quickly pacify their baby by agreeing to his demands. In this situation, it is better not to think about how strangers will look at you and not to make concessions.
7. If your child throws a tantrum and demands to buy a new toy, tell him in a confident voice about your refusal. After some time, he realizes that the hysteria is not working.

Activities to calm down

Again, consider your child's developmental level when you begin classes. For example, a child must be able to speak well and be able to express himself in order to use discussion of his problems with adults and other children. Below are examples of activities that will help your child become calmer.

Breathing exercises

Breathing exercises will help your child stop and breathe deeply, counting his breaths, when he finds himself in a stressful situation. To remind your child how to do these exercises, you can use a picture in the place where he will do these exercises.

• Blow out the candles on the cake - let the child raise his hand, his fingers will be “candles”. Count the candles from one to five together, then blow them out one by one, taking a deep breath and long exhale. “Extinguish” the candles by slowly bending your fingers.
• Blowing up balloons – Pretend that you have taken a balloon out of your pocket and ask your child to imitate you in your actions. Gather your palms into a handful and hold them in front of your face. Take a deep breath and as you exhale, spread your palms out to the sides, simulating an inflating balloon. When the balloon is inflated, inhale deeply and exhale slowly, bringing your palms together to release the balloon. Repeat this exercise 5 times.

Physical exercise

Exercise uses the body's capabilities to feel calm. It is achieved by tensing and relaxing muscles.

• Glue hands - pretend your palms are covered in glue and press them firmly together for 20 seconds. Let your child repeat after you, count the seconds out loud with your child. Now tell your child to slowly open their palms and say if they feel like they are really sticky. Repeat this game 2-3 times.
• Stretch – Ask your child to stretch. This can be done in different ways: try to touch your fingertips to your toes, or stand on your tiptoes and stretch your arms up above your head. Another option for this exercise is to lie down and have the child lying down make an “X” (extends his arms and legs to the sides) or “T” (keeps his legs straight and extends his arms perpendicular to the body). Between stretches, you should avoid sudden movements. Come up with your own stretching exercises too.
• Tension and relaxation - ask the child to make fists with his hands and press his shoulders to his ears. Count to five , then relax . Repeat this exercise five times . Use resistance balls to make the exercise a little more challenging.
• Yoga – There are many textbooks and websites that describe yoga positions that are accessible to children. Using pictures and videos, setting your own example, get children to take a certain position. Here are some examples: Leaf – Sit with your back straight, bring the soles of your feet together and place your hands on your ankles. Slowly round your back and return to a straight position. Repeat this exercise several times.
• Flower – Sit with your back straight, bring the soles of your feet together, place your hands on your ankles. Slowly press your knees to the floor and return them to place, repeat this movement ten to twenty times.
• Starfish - Lie on your back, stretch your arms and legs, but do not strain them. Raise one arm toward the ceiling and lower it. Now lift one leg and lower it. Raise and lower your legs and arms one at a time. You can make this exercise more difficult by simultaneously understanding the left arm and right leg, and then the right arm and left leg.

Children three years old

Children in this age period are characterized by an increased desire to demonstrate their independence. A 3-year-old child is extremely curious and tries to understand the whole world around him. Don't be surprised if your child shows self-will, stubbornness, or even negativism. Be prepared for the fact that the baby will act contrary. Therefore, hysterics at this age are not uncommon. What can mom do?

1. Don't focus your attention on the toddler's behavior.
2. It is important not to let the child understand that he can achieve the desired result with his hysteria.
3. If you notice that your little one is about to go hysterical, distract him, turn his attention to some interesting process or toy. But just keep in mind that this method is effective only before the height of an attack, and not at its peak.

When my son was about to start a tantrum, I immediately invited him to play with toys together. Often this helped.

1. If the child is already angry, then the best option would be to simply wait it out.
2. If the baby is hysterical without the presence of strangers, at home, then you can continue to go about your business without paying any attention to him. You can say that you will communicate only after he comes to his senses.
3. If your baby makes a scene in public, hurry to move him to a place where there are none or very few of them.
4. If you are already aware that your son or daughter resorts to hysterics, try not to provoke him, avoid situations in which the child may resist your desire.
5. At this age, it is important not to demand that your child directly follow your orders. It is much better if you give the right to choose. It is advisable that both options suit you, and your child will be pleased to choose on their own.
6. When the baby calms down, be sure to tell him about your feelings, show concern, but do not forget to mention that he will still not achieve anything with such behavior.
7. Closer to the age of four, the hysterics will disappear. This is due to the fact that the baby will learn how to correctly express his feelings and emotions using words.

Children's tantrums: 5 ways to get rid of them forever

The picture, painfully familiar to many mothers, has not yet disappeared from my memory: my child, having barely heard a refusal to urgently satisfy him... no, not a request, but a momentary demand and order, instead of trying to negotiate or accept my alternative, falls to the floor with the back of his head, screams at the top of his lungs; and none of my actions can influence this disgrace and stop the hysteria. My husband, after another fruitless attempt to calm down his hysterical child, casts reproachful glances in my direction: I’ve spoiled him, they say, now I can’t help it. Why would my child have to do this exhibition? What to do when a child throws a tantrum? And how can you help your child get rid of hysterics?

Why is he doing this? — I asked myself the question for the hundredth time. Yes, because he understands perfectly well that this is the easiest and most reliable way to achieve what you want, or at least attract attention to yourself. And if you can’t stand it, succumb to the harsh pressure of a skilled manipulator and give in, then he will instantly understand that the method works and will resort to this method for any reason.

The main thing is to stop and not immediately run to persuade the screaming child. I tried to think and look at myself from the outside. My first action is a demand to immediately stop the hysteria and calm down , then an attempt to shame, shout, spank. As a rule, I didn’t achieve anything. It is absolutely clear that this cannot continue like this, and it is time to change something before children’s hysterics from home performances develop into performances in public.

Children's tantrums - who needs it?

Psychologists say that children's tantrums are an important and necessary stage in the development of a child as a person. This is the norm for child development. The only way babies express their requests and demands is by screaming. They simply don’t know any other way. A baby who cannot yet speak also expresses his emotions by screaming. The child grows, so do his needs, and satisfying them seems to him to be of paramount importance. Without hesitation, he tries to speed up the moment of getting what he wants in the most accessible and proven way - by screaming. What should we, parents, do? Wait until it outgrows? So, you can’t wait. It is necessary now to teach the child to cope with his emotions and express them in a different way.

Instructions for getting rid of children's tantrums

If you have already decided to get rid of hysterics and do your best to prevent them, then do not back down from it, otherwise inconsistent actions can only make things worse, and all your educational measures will be in vain. So what to do?

1. Anticipate a tantrum and switch the child’s attention in time. It is clear that it is better not to bring matters to the point of hysteria. That is, to record in time the moment when simple indignation and dissatisfaction can develop into a scene with screams and crying. If you see that the child is out of tune, begins to get upset and irritated, whine and be capricious, distract his attention from his own problems: “Oh, look what a big truck drove by!”, “Let's build an interesting house out of sticks! Can you help me collect?!”, “Do you want to help me with the laundry? Let's put some clothes in the washing machine! The technique works great on children under three years of age. But the main thing here is not to miss the moment when you can no longer be distracted! You can also be sad with your baby together: hug him, pat him on the back, tell him that you are upset too. The baby will feel that you understand him, share his feelings, and will gradually calm down.

2. Be sure to show your child your disapproval by throwing tantrums. As soon as my son started another tantrum , I stopped all persuasion and conversations with him and went into another room. She didn’t scream, didn’t explain, didn’t beg or prove: it’s useless. Firstly, he screams so loudly that he simply doesn’t hear me, and secondly, I wanted to let him know that I don’t like this behavior and I don’t intend to tolerate it. Having lost his only spectator and emotional support, my son experimented for some time with the power of sound, duration and intensity of intonation, but soon he became uninterested, and he came to me to ask for forgiveness and make peace. We even came up with a special conciliatory rhyme, hooked our little fingers to each other and said: “Peace and friendship forever - we never cry!”

Attention! Keep in mind that especially suspicious and anxious children can go so deeply into a state of hysteria that the presence or absence of a spectator does not in any way affect their behavior. The baby can no longer stop and calm down on his own; he cries without pause, and the uncontrollable crying turns into hiccups. In this case, you definitely need to intervene and help the baby calm down.

3. If tantrums are repeated constantly, isolate the child for this time. It happens that it is impossible to leave the room, or the child is crying so loudly that he is about to wake up and scare the younger one, so it is better to take the troublemaker to a “special place” where the screamer can roll around on the floor and scream to his heart’s content. I took my son to the bathroom with a heated floor, where he could lie around and kick his legs as much as he wanted. It is important that there are no toys, TV or anything else interesting for the baby in the place of isolation. Tell him that he can come out when he calms down and stops screaming and crying. But the main thing is not to be nervous. It is your calmness that will help the child return to normal.

4. Teach your child to express his irritation and dissatisfaction in a civilized way. After the tantrum , talk to your child about this topic. Maybe he yells out of habit because he has no idea how to express his anger differently. I explained over and over again that all people can get angry and irritable. Me and dad too. But dad and I don’t fall on the floor and scream, and don’t kick our legs, and don’t throw objects, and don’t fight. Tell him it's okay to verbalize what's making him angry and worried, such as, "Ugh, I'm so mad I can't have that toy right now!" My son, for example, saw how in the cartoon “Smeshariki” Krosh gets angry and says: “Oh, you piece of iron!” And now, when he gets angry, he mutters under his breath: “Oh, you little piece of iron!” and we all laugh, and the irritation evaporates. Recently he heard somewhere the expression: “Oh, what a shame!” and now selflessly applies it. Maybe your child will enjoy expressing emotions through action: hitting a pillow, jumping, tearing up an old newspaper. Be sure to praise him for his civilized way of expressing anger and anger.

5. When a child throws a tantrum, behave the same always and everywhere . Children love to test their parents in public: on the street, on the playground, in the store. What if a tactic that “doesn’t work” at home will work here? It is very important to stick to one line of behavior whenever a child becomes hysterical. He must understand and learn that your reaction and behavior will not change under any circumstances, and he will not achieve anything with his tantrums. If your child throws a tantrum in a public place, take him away from a crowded place, if possible, find a quiet corner and stay with him there until he calms down. Surely there will be many “well-wishers” who will cast knowing glances at you, or even advise you something. For those who are especially attentive, you can ask how many ideal children they have raised? If tantrums occur when the baby is with his grandmother or nanny, agree on a behavior pattern with them. Everyone in such a situation should behave the same way and not follow the child’s lead.

As several weeks passed, I noticed that my son’s tantrums began to happen less frequently and became faster and easier. I was convinced that I was on the right track. The son already realized that hysterics lead to nothing, but for some time he continued to act out of inertia. Soon, he was already trying to negotiate and himself offered me an alternative. But it was possible to completely get rid of hysterics only by the age of three, when the child’s nervous system and psyche moved to a new stage of development. By the way, remember how you behave when you are overcome by a wave of anger and irritation. If you're rattling dishes, yelling at your opponent, and slamming doors, think about how you'd like your own child to perform the same routine!