Spoiled children: features of upbringing, signs and recommendations of specialists

Just yesterday all the relatives were touched and admired the little angel, but today he has turned into a capricious and selfish child? Previously, it was possible to come to an agreement with him and calmly solve all the problems, but now he throws tantrums with or without cause? It’s worth thinking seriously about, because this is what spoiled children look like. Many parents don't even notice when this happens. And this is a very serious problem, because spoiled children not only exhaust their parents, they can also cause a lot of problems in adulthood.

Spoiled or sick

The modern world is a rapidly developing component of the universe. Due to constant employment, parents often begin to indulge the various needs and then the whims of the child. And over time, the baby turns into a spoiled person. It's no secret what problems such a situation leads to.

But it happens that a child initially demands too much attention, does not obey his parents, and also “stands on his head.” He has a lot of energy, which he always tries to throw out. Some believe that this is how spoiledness is expressed.

In fact, in medicine there is such a term as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Modern children are increasingly faced with this diagnosis. What does this mean? Sick kids begin to behave like spoiled children. But in reality, disobedience is caused by neurology.

Accordingly, if there were no real prerequisites (they will be discussed later) for raising a capricious child, it is recommended to take the baby to a specialist. It is likely that the problem mistaken for spoiled behavior is ADHD (hyperactivity disorder). She is being treated very successfully. It is the neurologist who prescribes the exact treatment.

Parents are to blame

Often, children are spoiled by parents who do not know how to admit their mistakes. It is worth working on mistakes comprehensively. Both children and their parents need to change:

- Parents simply have to control themselves. Children will perceive any notes of nervousness in their mood as a signal to attack;

- you shouldn’t let everything take its course and allow the problem to get stronger even more. The sooner you start the fight, the better and more painless for everyone;

- you cannot deviate from the rules! If you can’t do it today, then you can’t do it tomorrow, even if you really want to;

- if not, then no! And no amount of hysterics can change this. In such cases, you need to be firm;

All prohibitions are not introduced in order to offend the child’s feelings; on the contrary, they are introduced out of great love for him and the desire to raise him as a worthy person.

Signs of being spoiled

There is a generally accepted list of signs of a spoiled child. There are a lot of them. However, parents should rely on the information below. It will help to distinguish hyperactivity and a strong desire of the child to get something from true spoilage.

So, spoiled children most often:

They refuse to share. It's no secret that all kids are initially selfish. They become attached to their things and toys. But as people get older, they learn to share. If a grown-up child is greedy, this is a clear sign of spoilage.
They throw tantrums all the time. Until a certain age, a child's hysteria is the norm. Until approximately 4 years of age, one should not be surprised by such behavior. But if a grown-up child is hysterical all the time if his demand is not met, the child simply manipulates adults by organizing “concerts.”
Psychologically dependent on mother. A baby without a mother is a picture that is difficult to imagine. But a child aged about 3 years who cries while in kindergarten or with relatives can receive the status of spoiled.
Selective in choosing food. Hysterics and whims in children occur when parents refuse to prepare delicious dishes. It’s one thing to come up with and invent something special for an allergy sufferer or a child on a diet. It’s completely different when a baby refuses his usual food and demands “something tasty” in return.
Always unhappy. A clear sign of being spoiled is constant dissatisfaction with something. Children will constantly reprimand their parents that they are not satisfied with clothes, toys, furniture and other things. And as soon as one of your acquaintances boasts of a new item, the spoiled one demands it.
They refuse to help their parents around the house. It is recommended to teach children to help with housework from about 3 years of age. This is normal. But spoiled children will not clean up after themselves even at school age, not to mention helping their parents. Any request from adults is perceived sharply, which is usually followed by children's hysteria.
They are rude to adults. Rude communication with elders is one of the main signs of a spoiled child. From childhood, children need to be taught that older people should be treated with respect. Spoiled children treat adults as consumers. And therefore they believe that they can be rude and rude.
Manipulated. Moreover, as practice shows, it is very clever. Children are masters of manipulation. Favorite methods are tears, hysterics, and refusals to communicate. A spoiled child chooses his own “lever” of influence for each family member. Often, such children first turn to dad, then to mom, grandparents and other loved ones until they get what they want.
Violate established norms and rules of behavior. Some experts believe that spoiledness and bad manners are equivalent concepts. Capricious children attract attention in all ways. And often breaking the rules helps them do this.
They don't respond to refusals. Such kids do not hear the word “No”. In infancy, children really do not accept refusals, they do not care about the reasons - they are simply not able to understand it all. But by the age of 3, kids already grasp the connection between what is “possible” and what is “not allowed.” Spoiled children do not see restrictions and prohibitions; they do everything to achieve their goals.

All of these signs can indicate that the child is not sick, but rather spoiled. But why does this happen? And how to deal with such a situation? Is there a chance to re-educate a disobedient and capricious child?

Re-education

If parents discover that a spoiled child is growing up in a family, how can they re-educate him without harming his psyche? Such problems do not go away on their own; children do not outgrow them. In the process of re-education, you need to tune in to firmness. All loved ones who are in contact with the child must act harmoniously and in the same direction:

from that moment on, no one reacts to hysteria. Hysteria is not a method to get your way, it has no effect on anyone;
When making another unnecessary purchase, you should stop and say a firm “no”;
We must not forget about such important manifestations of love and affection for a child. It is worth giving them quality attention;
you can direct your child’s energy to some interesting hobby;
The baby must learn to share, then he will grow up more attentive to others.
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By following these rules, you will soon be able to observe the transformation of your baby. At first, of course, he will resist in every possible way, but firmness and rules that are understandable to everyone will be crowned with success.

Sources of permissiveness

Before you start fighting hysterics and whims, you always need to determine the source of the problem. This is the only way to successfully complete the task.

So, the parents have a spoiled child. Why is this happening? The point is that a child cannot be called spoiled. By screaming, he informs his mother about some discomfort. With age, what we want is achieved in the old ways - crying, tears and hysterics. The child gets used to this behavior of the parents and learns to manipulate them.

Often, being spoiled is a sign that mom and dad can’t come to a common view on parenting. For example, dad doesn’t allow you to eat candy before dinner, but you can beg it from mom without much difficulty. This disconnect allows children to act up.

Another reason why you can raise a capricious baby is the inconsistency of prohibitions. Today you can watch cartoons until 11 pm, but tomorrow you won’t. Such actions cause the child’s indignation and, as a result, hysteria and whims.

Who is guilty?

Spoiled children are the result of improper upbringing. Love for a child should be expressed in helping to develop his character and habits, and not in buying the desired dolls or cars. Almost all children who grow up in large families do not receive expensive gifts. However, their parents instill in them love for loved ones and the need to help the family. Every gift for them is value and joy, and not an everyday occurrence. Such children respect the work of their parents, and do not manipulate them. It is useful for a child to know the limits of behavior, respond adequately to life’s difficulties and try to cope on his own, without hiding behind his mother’s skirt.

Attention deficit

The listed scenarios are very common reasons for raising capricious children. But the list does not end there. Below we will look at some special situations in more detail.

In the modern world, parents have little time to care for their offspring. Therefore, mothers and fathers try to “buy” the child’s love, to make amends by allowing their children everything they want. This is where spoiling comes from.

Accordingly, attention deficit must be eliminated. And learn to refuse children. Not in everything, but in what is truly “impossible.”

Need for attention

If children are capricious and spoiled, which greatly unsettles parents, it is worth thinking: do they have enough parental attention and warmth? After all, sometimes they themselves do not understand what exactly they want, and in this way they try to get it. Parents should spend quality time with their children without any other distractions. You need to listen, establish tactile contact and come up with a general exciting activity. In moments like these, you belong to each other.

Relatives and their love

Quite often, spoiled children are the “favorites” of grandparents and other family relatives. The point is that this happens because of a violation of the authority of mom and dad.

As has already been said, children are excellent manipulators. They learn to understand who and how to manage. If parents do not allow eating candy, and the grandmother does not see anything wrong with this, then the child will begin to understand this over time. The baby’s mom and dad will become “enemies No. 1” about whom other relatives can complain.

Children spoiled by their grandmother are a common case. Often the older generation believes that they know better how to raise a child. And grandmothers simply do not recognize modern methods of education. Parental authority doesn’t count at all! How to deal with this will be discussed further.

Family Unity

If parents spoil a child, what should they do and what should they do? First you need to agree on a tactic of behavior, and then, no matter what happens, firmly adhere to it. The child must understand that loved ones are working together, and it will not be possible to win anyone over to their side. This means that you need to accept the general rules of the game and join the majority. If a child has a tantrum, then there is no need to play the good and evil parent, when one ignores and the other runs to feel sorry. Hysteria both at home and outside should be completely ignored. The child must understand that such behavior will lead nowhere.

A lot of good

A spoiled child (whether disguised or not is not so important) is often brought up in families where they have been waiting for an addition for a very long time. The culprit is hypertrophied love. In other words, the parents’ behavior is too kind and affectionate.

If dust is blown off a baby from birth, he gets used to such behavior and takes it for granted. There is a formation of selfishness and permissiveness. A classic example is a family with only one child. Usually a child is not punished for pranks; everyone forgives him.

This is a child spoiled by his parents. This situation can be corrected. Oddly enough, this is done easier than in the case of being spoiled by grandmothers. What needs to be done to grow a personality without getting the status of bad parents?

What to do?

When there is a spoiled child in the family, most parents do not know what to do. Whatever re-education methods are chosen, parents must be consistent in their actions. The main thing is to remember that this is also done for the benefit of the child, so that he does not grow up rude and boorish. Such a child, and subsequently an adult, cannot fully enjoy anything. He will never be able to appreciate what he has, since he is constantly dissatisfied with everything. Children should fully experience what patience and respect are.

Tips for personal development

From all of the above it follows that spoiled children are the result of improper upbringing for one reason or another. There are a number of rules, adhering to which, parents will be able to help themselves in the correct formation of the child’s personality.

The first piece of advice is to learn to say “No” to your child. Everyone should understand refusals. This does not mean that everything will have to be banned. We are talking only about really important prohibitions.

The ability to argue your position is the next important point. It plays a special role in failure. If a parent prohibits something, it is important to explain why it is “not allowed.” Otherwise, tantrums are inevitable. The rule applies to any action.

Cultivate a love of work and discipline from childhood. It is important not to go too far. Let the child spend enough time with his parents, helping them around the house. Then work will be valued.

Unity of rules of behavior is the key to success in education. It is important that parents have the same view on how to raise a child. If a child notices a gap in the prohibitions, he will definitely find a “leverage of influence” on his parents.

Spoiled children. Signs

Systematic tantrums at home and in public places. Refusal to buy what you want is the most common reason.
Dissatisfaction with everything: from food to new toys. Such children quickly get bored with everything, and they demand new entertainment or things from other children.
Refusal to comply with requests or rules set by parents or other older family members, for example, reluctance to put things or toys away.
Selfishness. Disrespect for others, inability to share.
Offering good behavior in exchange for what is desired.
Lack of understanding of the word “impossible”.

About screams and punishments

Often, mothers and fathers fight whims and hysterics using a well-known method - screaming. “He doesn’t understand otherwise,” “When father comes, you’ll get it,” “Now I’ll ask you!” - similar phrases can be heard from tired parents faced with a spoiled child. Surprisingly, this technique does not bring results. Parents argue, the child cries, gets scared, expresses his dissatisfaction. And the more abuse and punishment, the larger the hysteria.

Psychologists say that it is necessary to deal with a child’s bad behavior without negative emotions. Misdeeds need to be punished, but not too much. And definitely don’t shout or intimidate. Such behavior entails the opposite return. And therefore, shouting and punishment when fighting spoilage will only do harm.

Grandmothers and grandfathers

The older generation is called upon to love and spoil their grandchildren. It's good if they live separately and indulge from time to time, but sometimes parents live with you and do not consider you the main educators. Great love also develops into indulgence in whims and complete submission to a small egoist. Children spoiled by their grandmothers learn to manipulate adults and understand that if they cannot get what they want from their parents, then their grandparents will certainly make their dreams come true. Grandma will give you forbidden chocolate and buy a new doll. It is important to discuss the intricacies of upbringing with the older generation and create compromises. Children raised in such overprotection grow up to be selfish and do not appreciate the attention and work that the family has invested in them.

Should I pamper?

Some people wonder whether it is worth spoiling their children. After all, the line between the norm and exaggeration is difficult to see. What do experts say about this?

Yes, children definitely need to be pampered. Parenting “with a tight grip” will harm the child’s psyche. Or the baby will think that he is not loved. The main thing is to observe moderation in everything.

Be sure to pamper your children! They will grow up very quickly, and the time spent with them will not be returned. And the behavior of parents remains forever in the memory of every child. But how to make a child happy?

Raising a baby

“Don’t carry it in your arms, don’t sleep with the newborn, otherwise you’ll spoil it,” advice given to young mothers by all and sundry. The baby needs the support and care of its parents. Raising a child up to one year is a period of maternal affection, guardianship and helping the newborn get used to the realities of life. This cannot be spoiled; Mother Nature came up with it. Babies cannot manipulate; they cry in order to inform their mother about hunger, colic, or a cutting tooth. The baby needs to form a friendly attitude towards the world around him through touch and tenderness. Raising a child under one year old should initially be a flow of love and attention.

Promotion rules

To do this, it is important not to shower your baby with gifts. You just need to enrich the lives of children with positive emotions and bright colors. The child should spend enough time with his parents and do what interests him. From birth, the baby needs tactile love. Kissing, pitying, hugging, holding someone in your arms - all this is not prohibited. Quite the contrary! The main thing is to learn to feel moderation. If you pamper your children correctly, it will be beneficial.

You need to talk to kids. This is the direct responsibility of parents. They must explain what is “good” and what is “bad”. Has the child earned a gift by his behavior? Then you can surprise him! There's nothing wrong with that. But giving gifts for no reason and even with strong disobedience is a direct path to spoiling.

All gifts must be from the heart, with love. Children feel good when adults are trying to pay them off. A gift made with soul will evoke a lot of emotions and will be meaningful for the baby.

How not to spoil a child and nurture his personality?

It is possible and necessary to say “no” to children. In this way, concepts such as life rules, feelings and needs of other people are laid down. When refusing something to a child, be sure to justify your action. If mom has money and a desire to buy some kind of gift, then there is nothing wrong with buying a toy in a store. If the family does not have a sufficient budget, then it is worth explaining this to your child. Knowing the situation, he will appreciate surprises and selectively choose the things he needs.
Mother and child should spend enough time together, play and communicate. Girls and boys should be taught to do household chores and help their elders. Having learned what work is, children will respect their parents and value their personal belongings. Discipline and hard work are brought up from childhood. Ask your child to clean the apartment, wash the dishes, etc.
Compassion for others and generosity should also be taught from an early age. It’s not for nothing that mothers in sandboxes force their kids to share their buckets and shovels, because this is one of the main steps towards raising a kind person. Greed is one of the consequences of being spoiled.
It is worth defining the boundaries of what is permitted and strictly following them. If a child notices a gap in the rules, he will definitely use it for his manipulations.

Parental authority

How to regain parental authority if it has been lost? All of the previously listed tips can be supplemented by following a daily routine and introducing a system of punishments and rewards. But the main thing is conversations. The child needs to be explained why this or that behavior is unacceptable. Mom and dad must adhere to the same parenting methodology.

If you become spoiled due to the influence of relatives, it is proposed to go in several ways:

Conversation. Parents should hold a family council where they will explain how to behave correctly with their child. You can even print or write reminders.
Continue to raise the child as before. Not the most effective way. After all, children will still manipulate whoever they can.
Stopping communication. Usually this method is good for grandparents who do not take the baby’s parents seriously. If the conversation and reminders do not help, you will have to stop communication between the manipulated relatives and the spoiled child. Not the most humane, but a very effective way to regain parental authority. The resumption of communication occurs after the child has been re-educated and parental authority has been recognized by relatives.

How parents will act depends on their patience and the degree to which the child is spoiled. Some may call on grandparents for endless conversations until “their patience runs out.” And someone immediately crosses the visits of people who can be manipulated.

Bribe

Parents stimulate their child's actions with various material gifts. For example: “I will buy you a new computer if you get all A’s.” This is a good way for a child to start doing important things. But, on the other hand, this method cannot be used constantly. Children absorb the secrets of manipulation like sponges and in the future they may say: “I won’t do anything until you buy me a phone.” Usually in such situations, spoiled children of rich parents find themselves, who pay increased attention to material status and are worried that their child will be deprived compared to their peers. For mom and dad, it is important to demonstrate material security and high appreciation of the family by society. Children who are spoiled by expensive gifts, do not appreciate their cost and the work of their parents, consider it a duty.

Or vice versa, parents work all day, and the child is left to his own devices. Parental love is replaced by gifts. Mom and dad cannot give their children due attention, caress them and have a heart-to-heart talk. Education is limited to material payoffs, which, naturally, cannot replace the necessary family closeness for a child. Such children grow up to be cold, unloved, but also spoiled by gifts, individuals who are difficult to please.

You can and should pamper

Childhood is a wonderful time in which there should be warmth, affection and happy emotions. Parents are their children's guides, mentors and guardian angels. From an early age, they are obliged to give their children their love and protect them from negative situations. Strictly fulfilling the requests of a little manipulator will not replace parental care, but will only spoil him. Pamper your child with warmth, family attention and valuable gifts on important days for him. Surprises should remain surprises, not ordinary purchases. Nurturing spiritual qualities and independence is the main value that parents can give.

Spoiled children article (younger group)

Spoiled children:

signs. How to rehabilitate a spoiled child?

Signs of a spoiled baby

It is very important not to miss the moment when the line of spoiling is crossed. What a spoiled child looks like, the signs will help you recognize: - a spoiled child never shares anything, be it a thing or the attention of his parents. He constantly begs for attention; - manipulation of parents through hysterics; - excessive dependence on parents. If a child categorically refuses to be with anyone other than his parents, then this is one of the signs of spoilage; - categorical refusal to eat. If a child has no health problems, but does not eat well, this is a sign of spoilage; - small beech tree. If your baby constantly shows dissatisfaction and is impossible to please, then you should think about how spoiled he is; — the child refuses to clean up after himself. If a child is over 3 years old and stubbornly refuses to collect toys, he is spoiled; - in cases where spoiling is not stopped in any way, the child becomes rude. Due to the fact that he does not get what he wants, the child may begin to be rude. First to parents, and then to other adults; - such children do not have any authority, they do not agree with anything, and they constantly have to beg, bribe and cajole; - the child begins to behave like the center of the Universe, he can interrupt, attract attention to himself in public places; - impunity. Such children are never responsible for their actions: relatives find a lot of culprits because of whom the incident happened; - no restrictions. Such children do not hear the word “no”, they still do it their own way. If even a small part of the signs are present in your family, this is a signal that something needs to change. Immediately!

How to behave so as not to spoil your child?

Children are not born spoiled. Adults make them this way. How not to spoil a child and raise a worthy person? In most cases, this happens in single-parent families and in those where parents spend a lot of time at work. In this way, parents are trying to pay off for the lack of time and attention. You should not protect your child from all difficulties; you need to give him the opportunity to solve them himself. First, the baby puts away the toys himself, and then he solves more global problems without outside help. Loving does not mean allowing everything. The child must clearly know the boundaries of what is permitted and should not be crossed.

Parents need to remember that spoiled children don't become like that overnight. They are influenced by systematic behavior and attitudes. Based on this, in order to re-educate a child, you need to make an effort and spend your time.

Re-education

from that moment on, no one reacts to hysteria. Hysteria is not a method to get your way, it has no effect on anyone;
When making another unnecessary purchase, you should stop and say a firm “no”;
We must not forget about such important manifestations of love and affection for a child. It is worth giving them quality attention;
you can direct your child’s energy to some interesting hobby;

The baby must learn to share, then he will grow up more attentive to others.

Parents are to blame

Often, children are spoiled by parents who do not know how to admit their mistakes. It is worth working on mistakes comprehensively. Both children and their parents need to change:

- Parents simply have to control themselves. Children will perceive any notes of nervousness in their mood as a signal to attack;

- you shouldn’t let everything take its course and allow the problem to get stronger even more. The sooner you start the fight, the better and more painless for everyone;

- you cannot deviate from the rules! If you can’t do it today, then you can’t do it tomorrow, even if you really want to;

- if not, then no! And no amount of hysterics can change this. In such cases, you need to be firm;

— a child cannot be limited only by prohibitions and responsibilities. He must have rights that also cannot be infringed. It’s better to discuss everything with your child in advance and make an appropriate list. All prohibitions are not introduced in order to offend the child’s feelings; on the contrary, they are introduced out of great love for him and the desire to raise him as a worthy person. children are spoiled by their parents

What to do?

Family Unity

How to prevent parenting problems?

If children are ill-mannered and spoiled, then the blame lies largely with the parents. To prevent this from happening, you should adhere to certain principles immediately from the moment the baby appears in the house. Rules of behavior for parents: - rules and daily routine. If a child always goes to bed at the same time, he collects toys with which he no longer plays or watches cartoons at a certain time, then questions about why this happens will not arise; - Adults should not change their minds. If they said “no,” it means “no,” but if they promised something, they must fulfill it; Yandex.Direct Are you choosing a children's camp? ochen.ru Hurry up to book a place in one of the best camps in Russia. Give the gift of adventure! We give away plots of land. certificate prostor-spb.ru We will exchange the certificate with a minimal additional payment! Plots from the owner! - you shouldn’t indulge your whims, and if a child asks for something he doesn’t need, it’s better not to buy it; — it is worth highlighting the simplest tasks for the child that he will perform. This could be daily dusting or organizing a bookshelf, these tasks gradually increase; - never follow the lead of a hysterical child. children are ill-mannered and spoiled. These simple but complex tasks must be performed by all family members.

Need for attention

Conclusion

Being spoiled cannot be ignored. This is a kind of disease that destroys personality. Spoiled children who achieved everything by hysterics and screaming, when they grow up, will not know how to achieve what they want. As an adult, you won’t fall on the floor in a supermarket to get a set of groceries for the week, and at work no one will perceive a loud employee. Such people very rarely achieve success, because they do not know how to set a goal and go towards it. A good upbringing means a worthy future. You should not doom your children by indulging their whims.

Author Olga Bondarenko April 18, 2017